- 10 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
I’m so sorry you are going through this. Go with your instinct!!! If you feel that he’s not being completely honest then he probably isn’t.
I’m upset because he out and out flat out lied about being involved with someone. I’m not saying you have to be like “hi Im so an so and Im engaged” but to come out and say you’re single, when your not? That is a lie, that involved thought and process, it was not just ommision
Agreed in some points. BUT why did he say he was single?
I mean, if she was at the bar just to go home with someone.. why didn’t she give herself to him? I think if the OP’s Fiance had been trying or even hinted that he was interested, this girl would have said something to the extent of “I wish I would have ended up with you instead”. (I mean, obviously this girl is at least a little bit of a creeper to randomly sent some guy she met ONCE at a bar a message telling him about how she had a one-night stand)
So, like I said… I wouldn’t give this too much weight, but do what makes you happy. I still don’t think there was anything to indicate he did cheat, or would cheat.
My ex just needed attention. All the time. Not in a “get trashed and start barfights” way but a, “someone must be affirming that I am good/smart/attractive/nice/generous at all times” way. Preferrable a someone with boobs.
Attractive single ladies in bars are unlikely to dispense that kind of attention to a dude in a relationship.
He of course remembers. He knows what he did was wrong, so he’s using that as excuse. It’s textbook. I’d try counseling — b/c I can’t give you the right answer for you. Some couples get beyond things like this, some don’t. The fact that he was crying and not belligerent tells me you may have some hope. He knows what he did is crappy…. but I’ve seen relationships where the guy cheats and he just gets angry and tries to turn it around on the woman (or vice versa) and in that case, I’d hesitate before trying to work it out.
The fact that he seems to be in emotional turmoil may mean he can fix this.
WasIDuped: sent you a PM 🙂
The fact that he doesn’t remember he was single is one thing. BUT the fact that he KNOWS there is a POSSIBILITY that he might have said he was single could be a red flag that he’s said that before or had intentions of saying that for some purpose…. And he aalso knows what his intentions WOULD be = to get laid. So he knows that he probably had intentions to cheat. Thinking about it like that makes it worse.
And to everyone saying you do or don’t think he cheated – we will never know.
And that’s the worst part. I really feel for you. But I agree that you might’ve already answered your own questions 🙁 I hope you can work it out if it’s meant to be. (((Hugs)))
Also, getting drunk away from home, at a bar, with women, would really bother me too.
It’s such a horrible feeling to read something like that, I remember a similar situation with an ex and as terrible as it is for me to have to say this but I never trusted him again. Always wondered what he was up to, checked emails etc… and I was right to do so. We finally broke it off and I found out from people for up to a year after our break up that he had hit on them, slept with them, stayed at their houses etc… The fact that he always did it with people outside our social circle made it so I couldn’t really find out easily, and I looked and felt like and idiot. It’s not only the fact of not trusting your partner but eventually that will ruin your self esteem and self worth, feeling like you are being fooled.
I would be very careful with the choice you make and if you do stay with him, please seek major counseling.. you’ll need it to be able to get through this with no hard feelings.
I mentioned this thread earlier to my Fiance because he also travels frequently for work and I wanted his perspective before I started yapping my mouth giving advice, and he said, “This is why I never go to hotel bars when I’m on business trips.” You’re kind of giving the impression you might be single, you are definitely in a hotel ALONE, and you never know what kind of people you might meet there.
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