(Closed) Is This Cheating? What Should I do! :( (long post..sorry)

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 77
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@mrs.jk:  It’s not just the message itself but the content. It’s kind of a shock to see something so sexually charged directed at your fiance. I’d be pissed too, in fact I’ve been in the same situation.  An ex of mine was friendstered (dating myself here) a message and sent “burlesque” pics once and I shit the fan.  It took me a few months to get over the mistrust, but it wasn’t his fault this skank messaged him – they had no history and she met him at a merch table during one of his shows when he was on tour.

Post # 78
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m so sorry you are going through this. Go with your instinct!!! If you feel that he’s not being completely honest then he probably isn’t.

Post # 80
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@MrsCoachBtoBee: I don’t think that’s really forthcoming or healthy at all.  It’s not about scaring someone into telling the truth (that you perceive).  This should be as straight forward and as forthcoming as possible.

Post # 81
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

View original reply
@WasiDuped:  exactly, she was talking about another guy at the bar… not the OP’s FI!  So to me, either one of two things happened… a) he was obviously not interested in being “romantic” with anyone at the bar, or b) he was being friendly and chaty in an obviously non-sexy way. 

I mean, if she was at the bar just to go home with someone.. why didn’t she give herself to him?  I think if the OP’s Fiance had been trying or even hinted that he was interested, this girl would have said something to the extent of “I wish I would have ended up with you instead”.  (I mean, obviously this girl is at least a little bit of a creeper to randomly sent some guy she met ONCE at a bar a message telling him about how she had a one-night stand)

So, like I said… I wouldn’t give this too much weight, but do what makes you happy.  I still don’t think there was anything to indicate he did cheat, or would cheat.

Post # 82
Member
2393 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

View original reply
@WasiDuped:  <insert general disclaimer here>

My ex just needed attention.  All the time.  Not in a “get trashed and start barfights” way but a, “someone must be affirming that I am good/smart/attractive/nice/generous at all times” way.  Preferrable a someone with boobs.

Attractive single ladies in bars are unlikely to dispense that kind of attention to a dude in a relationship. 

Post # 83
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@WasiDuped: I think you should just let him clarify if he said it or not.  If you know him well enough you’ll know if he’s lying.  I just have a feeling, judging by his reaction that he just omitted it and the facebook girl is just not that reliable.  If she went home with another guy why would your fiance saying “I’m single” stick in her head and stay there a month later?

View original reply
@TamiN: <— what she said!

Post # 84
Member
993 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

He of course remembers. He knows what he did was wrong, so he’s using that as excuse. It’s textbook. I’d try counseling — b/c I can’t give you the right answer for you. Some couples get beyond things like this, some don’t. The fact that he was crying and not belligerent tells me you may have some hope. He knows what he did is crappy…. but I’ve seen relationships where the guy cheats and he just gets angry and tries to turn it around on the woman (or vice versa) and in that case, I’d hesitate before trying to work it out.

The fact that he seems to be in emotional turmoil may mean he can fix this.

Good luck.

Post # 85
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

View original reply
@WasiDuped:  ok, i understand being upset about this but since he says he doesn’t remember saying, “i’m single” and all you have is this random girl’s word to go on, i don’t know if you can really be pissed at him for maybe/possibly saying those words. on the other hand, you CAN be mad at him for NOT telling her at some point that he’s engaged… because obviously he did not mention you at all in their conversation. either way, it’s shitty. i’d be pissed if my Fiance was drunkenly having some sexually charged convo with some random at a bar…

Post # 86
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

View original reply
@CrystalBlackheart:  I understand what you’re saying and I would normally agree but I thought I read she had already asked him and he wasn’t being forthcoming. 

Post # 87
Member
1831 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

WasIDuped: sent you a PM 🙂

Post # 88
Member
1086 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

The fact that he doesn’t remember he was single is one thing. BUT the fact that he KNOWS there is a POSSIBILITY that he might have said he was single could be a red flag that he’s said that before or had intentions of saying that for some purpose…. And he aalso knows what his intentions WOULD be = to get laid. So he knows that he probably had intentions to cheat. Thinking about it like that makes it worse.

And to everyone saying you do or don’t think he cheated – we will never know.

And that’s the worst part. I really feel for you. But I agree that you might’ve already answered your own questions 🙁 I hope you can work it out if it’s meant to be. (((Hugs)))

Post # 89
Member
1086 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Also, getting drunk away from home, at a bar, with women, would really bother me too.

Post # 90
Member
4354 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It’s such a horrible feeling to read something like that, I remember a similar situation with an ex and as terrible as it is for me to have to say this but I never trusted him again. Always wondered what he was up to, checked emails etc… and I was right to do so. We finally broke it off and I found out from people for up to a year after our break up that he had hit on them, slept with them, stayed at their houses etc… The fact that he always did it with people outside our social circle made it so I couldn’t really find out easily, and I looked and felt like and idiot. It’s not only the fact of not trusting your partner but eventually that will ruin your self esteem and self worth, feeling like you are being fooled.

I would be very careful with the choice you make and if you do stay with him, please seek major counseling.. you’ll need it to be able to get through this with no hard feelings.

Post # 91
Member
2312 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

View original reply
@DanielleZara:

I mentioned this thread earlier to my Fiance because he also travels frequently for work and I wanted his perspective before I started yapping my mouth giving advice, and he said, “This is why I never go to hotel bars when I’m on business trips.” You’re kind of giving the impression you might be single, you are definitely in a hotel ALONE, and you never know what kind of people you might meet there. 

The topic ‘Is This Cheating? What Should I do! :( (long post..sorry)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors