Is this common?

posted 5 days ago in Parenting
Post # 2
Member
3798 posts
Honey bee

Nope. Just nope.

 

Post # 3
Member
2870 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Yikes. I know of people who do this so perhaps it IS common? However, i completely disagree with believing that you’re doing right by your child if you practice this behavior. Yowza your cousin has some ineteresting years ahead of her.

Post # 4
Member
7693 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Nope. Absolutely not. That’s not how I was raised and I certainly won’t be raising my future kids that way. 

Also, just because you don’t have a kid doesn’t mean you can’t have an opinion. Having a child doesn’t make you an expert in raising a child so parents aren’t the only ones allowed to voice their opinions on child-raising. 

Post # 5
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2017

You can have an opinion, but don’t think it’ll be welcomed. 

Doesn’t mean that’s the right way to raise a child, but if it’s what they want to do with their kid, hey it’s what they want, let them. 

Post # 8
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

It’s not that you can’t have an opinion because you don’t have children, but this child isn’t yours and your cousin’s parenting techniques don’t concern you.

Post # 9
Member
45963 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Some situations only require common sense, not being a parent. Your cousin is raising a hellion. There will come a point where she will regret it.

Post # 12
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

While I agree with those that said you can’t be the parenting police, there is NO WAY I would buy that child the toy, even if my cousin said buy it anyway and they would pay. Her response is very sad to me.. and this poor kid is going to be a NIGHTMARE as she gets older! 

If they want to raise their daughter to be spoiled, entitled and throw tantrums – their prerogative. But, like I said, there is no way I would play by their rules. I would have responded with something like “no thank you, even if you pay me I do not want to participate in that. You can buy her toys every time YOU go out with her, but tell her cousin groomsister35 will not be doing the same!”

If they don’t care for the way you handle the situation, then don’t baby sit. But you shouldn’t have to bend to their weird ideals just because you are babysitting. 

Post # 13
Member
3044 posts
Sugar bee

If that is how they want to treat their child, I would let them and not tell them the disservice you think they are doing by acting like that. However, I would not do what they wished because I think that is teaching the child poor manners and life skills, and I wouldn’t want to be party to it. If they want to you act as an authority figure and adult, you should have the latitude to engage with the child in a manner that is different than the parent, especially because it causes no harm.

I would engage with the parent adult to adult. Something along the lines of “I completely understand that this is how you choose to engage with your child as the child’s parent, and I’m totally fine with that. However, I am not the child’s parent, and I have different boundaries of comfort and ways that I believe I, as an adult and not the child’s parent, should engage with the child. I don’t feel comfortable buying things for your child every time we are out and about. I hope you’ll support me in me in this matter because I think this could be an important lesson to the child. Teaching them that they must understand that there will always be different circumstances and ways of engaging with different people, and one should act appropriately even if it isn’t what they’re used to from their parents.”

I would hope that they recognize and respect that not everyone that engages with their child will act exactly like the parents would, and that the child learning to adapt to the changing environment would be in their favor.

Post # 14
Member
45963 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

groomsister35 :  I diasgree. I think your cousin is the outlier here. I do think many parents try to be friends with their kids rather than parents, but I don’t think most parents would treat a child’s temper tantrums in her manner.

Post # 15
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

MooseMeese11 :  +1 

This is what I was trying to say above, but you articulated it SO much better! You cannot control how they parent, but you can control how you act with the child and choose not to follow the parents ideals. 

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