Is this common?

posted 1 year ago in Parenting
Post # 31
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

groomsister35 :  Not a parent either, but ick. That’s a quick way to mold a spoiled rotten child. I read somewhere something that always makes me think, that children are adults in training and it is parents’ job to train them how to be adults. Your cousin seems to be doing the child a disservice. But personally I’d go along with it because I’m non-confrontational and honestly if mom spoils her that much is auntie saying “no” going to teach her how to act? Or more likely just teach her that auntie is a meanie? Since her mom is her normal.

Post # 32
1925 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I am a parent and we absolutely do not do this. We made a rule very early on that our son will only get new toys for holidays or special occasions. Studies show, the more crap kids have, the less they appreciate their stuff. We are attempting to be minimalist as far as toys go. So far it’s wirking well. 

Post # 33
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Wow, that’s one way to raise an entitled human being.

When I have kids from the first time they ask for a toy or any “want” at the store I’ll respond with, “Sure! Did you bring your money?” Responsibility, hardwork, the value of a dollar… it doesn’t cost any tuition for kids to learn these important lessons. Just time and effort from caregivers.

Post # 34
1530 posts
Bumble bee

groomsister35 :  But you’re not just invited over to hang out and observe.  While you are babysitting, you are in charge.  You absolutely do not, and should not if it is against your values, buy a toy for a tantruming child.  You can teach your little cousin boundaries, that’s a loving thing to do!

Post # 35
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

So you are babysitting her.. and that means you need to buy her a toy because she’s a spoiled brat (mom of 5 here)

She sounds like a horrid little girl. Her parents are going to make being in the real world very tough for her.  No you can’t be the parent police but that also doesn’t mean you have to comply with everything the parents do. Do not buy her a toy everyone you are out. Maybe someone can teach her that you don’t always get what you want. And if she wants to rub to her room and be mad at you and say mean things to you, she can stay there until she is ready to emerge and apologize for being a turd.

Post # 36
524 posts
Busy bee

My ex husband did this from when my son was a toddler and it was the worst idea ever!!! I never agreed with it, but he’s 11 now and still basically expects to get something when they go out shopping (except now it’s gaming related and more expensive). Such a terrible idea and habit to get into! When I was growing up I only ever got gifts on Christmas or my birthday and even then it was minimal and sensible. My kids really don’t play with toys that they ask for, it’s just a waste of money, they just end up going practically unused to charity. My 8 yr old daughter loves making and creating but not so much with craft kits. She will find any empty boxes, bottles, paper around the house and make it into something. Give her sticky tape, scissors, glue and markers and she’s a happy girl! I try to encourage them to play outdoors or use their imagination. The one exception is they are really into Lego at the moment though, which they’ve had for years and never played with until now!

Post # 37
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

My DH’s dad took Darling Husband and his brother out to the toy store every weekend (parents were divorced so they stayed with dad only on the weekends) and bought the kids everything they wanted or even looked at like they wanted. I had no idea about this until almost a year of dating when we went to visit his dad at their old house for Christmas and he showed me his childhood “toy room”. More toys than I have EVER seen in my life. My jaw dropped to the floor!

Darling Husband hates gifts. He wont take gifts from me on the holidays (which is great because I hate gifts too) and he called his grandma after she sent us a check in a “congrats on your wedding” card and told her he would not accept, that he’d be much happier if she went out and bought herself something nice with that money. He tore up the check. He researched, applied for, and won scholarships and paid his own way through college because he didn’t think it fair for his parents to pay for his education.

Point being, he is not spoiled, he is not entitled, he is not a giant brat of an adult. He’s a wonderful person.

Buying your kid toys won’t turn them into some kind of monster, and frankly it’s not anyone’s business how others raise their kids. What’s bratty is calling a child names because you disagree with how they are parented.

Post # 38
1870 posts
Buzzing bee

Bahahahaha no a chance in hell was mine raised like that. Children learn the rules and expectations you teach them. I wouldn’t even by mine a chocolate bar or candy each time we went out. 

She eventually learned what happens when she tantrums that tantrums won’t get you the thing you want and they move on. 

I think you handled it well, you set a firm and clear rule, you didn’t back down and when the child tantrummed you removed them from the situation. That’s as much as you can do really if your not the parent. You can put them in a time out until they calm down, but it sound sliek she did that on her own. She’ll adjust eventually to the standard of behaviour you expect of her.

Post # 39
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Just because her mother buys her a toy whenever they’re out does not mean you have to. She has her rules and you have yours. Take her to the park to play or do someting together instead.

Your cousin is spoiled and I hope her mother has deep pockets as she gets older cos it’s going to be an interesting and expensive teenagehood for her.

Post # 40
904 posts
Busy bee

Oh definitely not… just no…

That is poor parenting. Instead of teaching the child patience and manners they are simply shutting the kid up by giving him what he wants. That would not fly in my house. 

Post # 41
495 posts
Helper bee

Oh, sometimes kids try to get away with stuff with relatives that they wouldn’t dare with their parents. I’ve had my nieces do that, and I usually don’t fall for it. I’m pretty firm, and not easily moved by threats or tantrums. 

In this case though, the parents definitely seem responsible. They’ll suffer the consequences. Let the parents know that you’re uncomfortable with the kind of behavior they’re encouraging. It’s within your rights to do so.

Post # 42
7574 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have 3 kids and this would not happen. I mean, sure- they might ask for a toy, but definitely no tantrums! I swear to god, I’d have left her throwing a fit on the floor and walked over to the next isle. I’m curious though- was the kid expecting an expensive toy or a just a quarter prize out of a vending machine? Cause I’d be more likely to cough up a quarter for a gum ball etc. than an actual $$$toy. 

Post # 43
5201 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Because this little girl is your cousin, you have a relationship with her. I think you are well within acceptable relationship parameters to correct her and let her know how YOUR relationship will be.

“I understand that you are used to getting a toy when you go out with your mother. I don’t necessarily do that and I’m not always going to. I also understand that you are used to yelling at your mother when you are upset. You two have your own relationship and we have our own relationship. In OUR relationship you may not slam doors or yell at me. I’m not going to yell at you so I expect the same respect. If you cannot agree to this, then I cannot babysit you anymore. I’ll give you a moment to think about it and then you can let me know if you can agree to this.”

And then I’d let her sit there for about 5 minutes (a number equal to her age in years) and then hear what she has to say.

Your cousin, unfortunately, is teaching her daughter that behaving like an asshole gets her what she wants. That’s not a good lesson to get from your home of origin (because it’s constantly being reinforced). However, you can be a part of teaching her that relationships with different people have different rules and agreements and consequences.

ETA- I consider there to be a difference between being a nanny taking care of charges and being a relative watching your own younger relative. In the case of nannying- yes, you need to adhere to their rules, no matter your opinion on them. When it’s a child with whom you have a relationship, I think you have more space to speak your mind. If her mother has a problem with it, she can find someone else to watch her kid.

Post # 44
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

groomsister35 :  nope definitely not. My youngest is 5 and you can bet every time we’re in a store he asks for something or other but I don’t buy every time, and when we do decide to buy something new he has to choose one of his toys at home to donate to the less fortunate. 

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