(Closed) Is this considered verbal abuse ? Serious question here.

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee

thisbeehides:  That is emotional abuse 10000%. And the fact that he then does something “nice” to placate you is even worse. 

 

Post # 3
Member
7776 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Im not sure if this is a serious post or not, because it seems so obvious. But on the chance this is serious- YES- this is verbal abuse. Do not tolerate this.

Post # 4
Member
807 posts
Busy bee

thisbeehides:  Uhhh…..sweetness can’t cover up crazy. I delt with my ex who was similar for 5 years, and it was the biggest mistake of my life to stay with him for as long as I did. No one should be treated like that. He isn’t just “over reacting,” he is horrible.

My advice, although easier said than done, is leave. Find someone who doesn’t act like an animal at the drop of a hat over stupid things. It’s just a sign of worse to come (unless he somehow accepts that he should seek therapy for this behavior).

It shouldn’t matter if this is “only” when he is mad. There is no excuse for such awful behavior and you shouldn’t make exuses for him. It doesn’t matter if he is prince charming 95% of the time, if he acts like a baby when he doesn’t get his way.

Post # 5
Member
3065 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

thisbeehides:  I’m sorry, this is absolutley 100% abuse. I cringed reading it. I do think that one day he will hit you. Abuse escalates and he is already making the motions of getting physical. This is scary OP, I would leave if I were you.

Post # 7
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Cape May, NJ

Oh my god reading this made me terrified for you. This is verbal abuse. This is him trying to be in control of you. This is him trying to appear scary and intimidate you. “I just don’t want you to argue when I tell you to show me” really jumps at me because he’s punishing you for not submitting to hsi requast. That is fucked up, and I am so sorry you’re stuck in this. Please don’t just accept and allow this.

Post # 8
Member
1198 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

OP, please leave. This will only escalate. Please find a friend who will support you through this because he will surely try to guilt trip you as you leave. But you must leave. Please don’t reach a point where you are posting “Is it physical abuse, he really didn’t mean it”.

Sending you lots of hugs and positive thoughts!

Post # 9
Member
9130 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

This sounds horrifying and yes, 100% abusive.  No one deserves a husband who treats her like this.

Post # 10
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

No question, this is abuse.  There’s no reason to blow up over something like that, and threatening you like that is absolutely not okay.  Saying things like “But he’s so nice the rest of the time!”, “he just has such a temper!” and “he was so sweet once he’d calmed down” is trying to make excuses for some appallingly bad behaviour.

Post # 11
Member
2691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

thisbeehides:  This is definitely NOT okay. How long has this been happening. Have you ever suggested counselling. I’m pretty sure this is behaviour you DO NOT want to live with for the rest of your life!

Post # 12
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee

Oh my i didn’t even read the whole thing to know the answer.  Yes this is very verbally abusive.  To say he will kill you, no one will hear you yell, and to gesture like he is going to hit you; this man sounds straight up psycho to me. He has trust and anger management issues. He needs some help before he actually does go through with something he says he is going to do.

Post # 14
Member
768 posts
Busy bee

thisbeehides:  yes, yes, yes, and yes it is emotional abuse that can likely escalate to physical abuse.

My ex H was abusive and would check my phone, emails, Facebook etc..if I refused he would lose his shit. 

Please take a look at this:

http://www.domesticviolence.org/violence-wheel/

Please don’t think that because you are married to him that you’re stuck or should allow this to happen.you do not deserve this type of treatment (no one does) at all. You should never llive in fear in any relationship.  

 

ETA: sorry if I scare you but before my ex escalated the abuse into physical harm, numerous times he threatened to kill me. He tried to several times by almost shooting me and by putting a pillow over my face while choking me. If it wasn’t for my ex Brother-In-Law that intervened, who knows if I’d be alive today. What I’m trying to say is, for as crazy as it sounds, believe what he says because they really do mean it.

Post # 15
Member
539 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Definitely abuse, the cycle is just fast between abuse and then the “honeymoon” phase (drawing the bath for you)  I was so scared for you just reading this.  I can’t even begin to imagine what I would do if my Darling Husband started yelling in my ear like that.  I would like to think I would get up and just leave, but it’s easier said than done.  He raised his hand to you?! That sounds so terrifying and I hope you gather the courage to leave.  Go stay with friends or family and then explain why you left.  Make sure to set up a safety plan before you leave.  This is absolutely abuse.

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