I just signed up for the site, as a long-time lurker, to reply to this thread.
Everyone saying that this could quickly turn into physical abuse is correct. But I’d also like to point out that just because he’s not hitting you right now doesn’t make this okay.
I was in an abusive relationship for a couple of years, and my ex never once hit me. He didn’t even gesture towards hitting me, or threaten to hurt me in any way. But he still RUINED MY LIFE through his manipulation and emotional abuse. He controlled every part of my life – and I let him, because I kept holding onto hope that he was just going through a rough patch and that things would get back to “normal” between us.
My abusive relationship eroded everything else in my life. I was SO focused on trying to keep him happy, and keep up with his weird expectations of me, and I tried to just really, really focus, in the hopes that if we got through our rough patch, that we could be happy, and then I could focus on school, and friends, and family again. But guess what? I spent my entire freshman year of college apologizing to him on the phone, and crying. I didn’t make a single friend that year. I did poorly in my classes. I suffered from a very low self-image and self-esteem for YEARS after that point. He never ONCE hit me, but that doesn’t make a single day of his abuse excusable. It didn’t end until I cut him off entirely. We even broke up and got back together a few times, him promising to change each time. But it’s too easy for him to fall into those same habits with me. We both had far too much emotional baggage to ever treat each other well again, even though I sincerely believe he wanted to fix things between us. Those habits were too strong.
Reading your post felt very, very familiar to me. You’re bending over backwards right now to try to appease somebody who is behaving very irrationally. He’s not demonstrating love towards you right now – when he does, he’s just trying to make up for something bad that he did earlier. If you love somebody, you don’t treat them this way.
You are NOT obligated to show him your private things, to make this go away. It’s a weird request. And giving into weird requests like that, just because it doesn’t seem like that big a deal, sets the precedent for him to make all KINDS of additional requests. Soon, you’ll be saying that “it’s not that bad” that he doesn’t let you go out with your friends ever, because you know he gets insecure and it’s just easier this way. Or “it’s not that bad” that he won’t let you have a Facebook account at all, and if it makes him feel less insecure, that maybe it’s worth it to go without. (All these statements are bullsh*t, by the way.) Unless you’re doing something that’s actually maliciously HURTING him, you have every right to turn down these silly requests. Without a screaming match.
Physical abuse is VERY BAD, but it’s not the only thing to worry about – and even if he never hits you once, it’s still not a healthy relationship. It’s a controlling, manipulative one, that will degrade everything else in your life until you finally put your foot down. Physical abuse shouldn’t be your only dealbreaker. Don’t wait for him to hit you. He’s already doing irreversible damage.