(Closed) Is this considered verbal abuse ? Serious question here.

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 181
Member
358 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Rossino Castle

MrsDominguez21:  the topic you’re talking about is hers.It was an update on her situation,it’s also clearly written in the title…not that hard to see.Going through abuse is hard enough without people constantly doubting you.

Also,could you please turn off your caps lock?

 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by  Comealongpond. Reason: typo
  • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by  Comealongpond.
Post # 182
Member
567 posts
Busy bee

Sorry ladies but i did not see anything saying this replied was modified or edited so that is why I was doubting a little. Thank you for clearing my doubts!

Post # 183
Member
567 posts
Busy bee

OP, I aplogize for doubting you, and I know this is NOT what you want to hear, but you need to leave NOW. He will not change, HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. For the sake of your children and your own sake LEAVE NOW PLEASE.

Post # 184
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’ve work with victims of domestic violence, I’ve seen it happen to people close to me. This got me teary-eyed. He is being abusive to you, tremendously abusive. The fact that he does something nice after is part of the cycle, believe me, I’ve seen it many times and it is devastating.

Do you have kids? For how long have you been married? I’ll send you a PM and we can talk if you wish to do so, I can refer you to someone in your city/town. It is important to first accept what is going on and deal with it, internally. Once you do that, you can decide what to do next. MY advice would be to leave him, seek help with family and/or friends.

Jealousy, control, emotional abuse are all destructive. He doesn’t need to hit you for it to be bad, it is already bad, he is even hitting the couch and saying things like “I will kill you.” It may seem to you like we are exaggerating but believe us OP, it only gets worse, you don’t want to be there waiting for it. It doesn’t have to be like this, it can be sweet and reasonable all the time. This is not normal and not all men react that way.

The most important thing is that you stay strong and don’t let him get into your head. I already see signs of it taking a toll on you. When you say “if I say the wrong things…” it is because the control is taking place. You do not say wrong things, there aren’t wrong things. Your opinion counts, the words that come out of your mouth are valid. You shouldn’t have to pick your words, you don’t need to live like this, in fear. I’ll send you a PM to try to get you some local contacts if you want me to.

Hang in there, be strong OP!!

Post # 185
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I am so sorry you are going through this.. are there kids involved? It would be in a dangerous enviroment if you two do decide to have children. Regardless if he’s nice 90% of the time, the 10% is still a lot. Please go to couples therapy or therapy separately. I will pray for you two!

Post # 186
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Comealongpond:  Could you link to the OP’s update, it doesn’t seem to show up on a search for thisbeehides. 

Post # 188
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

thisbeehides:  My ex was not this bad, but close.  I left him.  I think he treats his now wife well (I hope) but I didn’t think anything would change with us.  He’d be sugar sweet, then scream at me for dropping something on the floor.  It became enough of a pattern that I didn’t think he could change, since it became “normal.”  

I also didn’t think that I could ever really forgive and forget.  I’d resent him our whole lives for things he had already done to me.  Even if he changed, that wasn’t fair to either of us.  

Post # 189
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Timshel: I noticed that, it’s very disconcerting.

OP, I hope that you are ok. Please update us soon if you can.

Post # 190
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I have been checking back over and over, hoping there would be updates. OP, I hope you are okay!

Post # 191
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

My ex started 100% sweet and slowly it started to become more and more mean than sweet. Until he was always mean. It got so bad when I finally got the courage to leave him I got thrown and hit so hard I was knocked out. When I woke up he was on top of me trying to tattoo his name across my chest. Not saying your dh will end up doing that but it is a very slippery slope. Please get help!!!!!!!!!!!! I can only stress that. Reach out to someone

Post # 192
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Can I throw a wrench into this whole thing and ask, does anyone thing someone like this is capable of changing? Abusers RARELY change and yes they make empty promises and I completely think no one should stay. I was verbally abused in the past and those things definitely effect someone. I had a friend who had an anger problem, would start fights and scream as loud as they could to be heard. I almost broke it off with them, knowing that I didn’t deserve that, but knowing they did honestly want to change. I was patient. They are completely different person now. So I’m DEFINITELY not encouraging you to stay. He needs help. But would you or he ever consider going to counseling together and seeing if you could work through it? Does he want to change? Do you think with some sessions he would? I definitely don’t want it to get worse or escalate because the truth is it often does. But if you love each other and he wants to be a better man to you…

Post # 193
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Please know I am not condoning what is going on whatsoever. It is 100% NOT OKAY whatsoever what he is doing to you. I just wondered if maybe help was an option. 

Post # 194
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Sounds identical to the relationship between my ex and I. Love shouldn’t hurt like that. It’s classic for abusers to act super nice to make up for being ashamed of their actions, its most definitely abusive. I finally had to get a restraining order to leave my ex…I still have ptsd and anxiety from it all. 

Post # 195
Member
730 posts
Busy bee

Has anyone heard any update from the op?

The topic ‘Is this considered verbal abuse ? Serious question here.’ is closed to new replies.

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