(Closed) Is this considered verbal abuse ? Serious question here.

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 196
Member
2123 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

90% sweetness to cover up the 10% abuse is unacceptable. Don’t give him any more chances. It’s just a manipulation to control and confuse you. Please leave right now.

Post # 197
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

thisbeehides:  Oh my, you need to leave him.  This man will eventually start to hit you.  He is a bully and an abuser and he’s getting you primed for worse.

Talk to a councelor (privately) and find a safe way to leave.  

Post # 198
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee

OP, if you’re reading this, and you’re worried that perhaps your abuser will see your search history or your call history in your phone if you call the national domestic violence hotline (1-800-799-7233) please at least download (and use if necessary!) one of the handful of apps developed for women in these horrific situations. Robin McGraw’s foundation (I think it’s called “When Georgia Smiles”) has an app that connects victims to resources, but is amazingly disguised as a regular news apps so abusers won’t know. <br /><br />

I hope that you, and your children, stay safe. My thoughts are with you. 

Post # 199
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Leave him!!! Please!!!

Post # 200
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

This is 100% ABUSE!!! Are you willing to live like this for the rest of your life? You need to run away from this relationship. I’ve seen too many of my friends and relatives go through relationships and marriages like this. It never gets better, only gets worse! It always starts with being verbal then doing nice gestures, apologizing, and telling you how much he loves you. The fact that is already gesturing and raising his hands, sooner or later, he WILL put his hands on you. The longer you stay in this abusive marriage, the harder it would be to leave because by then he would have so much control over you. You do not deserve this! Please leave before it worsens.

Post # 201
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2016

He’s got anger management issues, no questions there, but what about you? How was your relationship with your father as a child? Do you have self esteem issues? (I’m only asking these questions because your’re anonymous, so I hope you don’t mind). I suggest YOU seek professional help. It’s obvious that he’s got problems but I don’t think it’s normal for you to want to stay in such a relationship.. I think there are deeper issues going on, perhaps related to your childhood. you might not even be aware of these problems but if you consult with a good therapist they will help you realize and deal with your issues. The situation you are in is dangerous. Hes like a ticking time bomb waiting to go off and god knows what he is capable of doing when he loses his control. PLEASE seek help ASAP and don’t think this type of behaviour is normal because IT’S NOT !!!! It doesn’t matter if it happens 10% or 90% of the time, it just simply shouldn’t happen AT ALL… you shouldn’t have to put up with it. Most important thing right now is for you to get help and find out WHY you feel like it’s okay for him to lose it like that, and why you don’t feel like you need to get out.. Stay Strong !!

Post # 202
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee

thisbeehides:  I hope you are ok.

I am an Abuse Survivor and you need to get out of this relationship ASAP! Please take the other bees advice very seriously!! I know from experience that it is only going to get worse, it will not get better. My ex-husband used to yell at me, blame me for stuff, and accuse me of cheating on him. He was the one cheating and trying to cover it up. I was naive and had a low self esteem when I met him and he fed off that and destroyed what little I had. He tried isolating me from family and friends. If it wasn’t for a chance meeting of a friend who was studying psychology and me breaking down to him what was going on, I never would have been enlightened to the fact that he was isolating me so that he could start hitting me without anyone knowing. He hated that I was going to college and trying to better myself. I broke down to my family and they were shocked! He put me on a pedestal in public. The only one that knew differently was my best guy friend that lived next door. But my family helped get me out of the relationship on irreconsolable differences. I was too afraid to pull the abuse card on him because of the number of guns that he and his family owned. 

BUT I GOT OUT AND SO CAN YOU!! 

Post # 203
Member
10664 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

All physical abuse begins as verbal abuse.

Sadly, the stats show it takes a woman seven attempts before she funally gets out, on average.  Let’s hope the OP is one of the exceptions who makes it out on the first try.

 

 

Post # 204
Member
238 posts
Helper bee

This is kind of an old post, but I wanted to say that what you (thisbeehides) said is really scary. That is not a healthy relationship or environment for you and your kids. I don’t want to get very personal, but my father had a really bad temper like that. It made my family miserable. It also eventually escalated to a few instances of physical abuse with me. My mother is still married to him and a life with him has worn her down, and she is on a ton of antidepressants and sleeps all the time. Don’t let that be you. Don’t spend your life being yelled at, scared, and controlled. Things will probably escalate to physical abuse sooner or later, too, and there is a definite possibility he will hurt your kids eventually.

My SO never yells at me and is really, really sweet. It’s so different from what I grew up with and such a huge relief to be away from all that. You deserve better, and there are a lot of nice guys out there who will treat you well.

Post # 205
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

   I almost had PTSD-like flashbacks reading your post, as this was MY OWN life for over 6 years…PLEASE LEAVE THIS MONSTER NOW BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!!!! This is without a doubt VERY abusive, and trust me, it will get WORSE 🙁

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by  kittychik.
Post # 206
Member
5923 posts
Bee Keeper

Was there a deleted update? Did she leave him? Are her and her children safe?  thisbeehides, I hope you’re okay and that you’ll update us as soon as you can.

I’m hoping so much that she left and that he’s not bothering them. It’s never normal to be afraid of your partner in a relationship. And it’s not okay.

Post # 207
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

Since you apparently have kids, it doesn’t really matter if you think he might change. For their sake, you must leave. Do it for them if you won’t do it for yourself. You must do it for them.

Post # 208
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Demetries

Yeah I only read about half of this and I can tell this is emotional, and verbal abuse. You don’t deserve that at all and I fear it will only get worse for you. I was physically abused once by my first boyfriend and I called the police on him and eventually just broke up with him (thank God) he said he woups change, now 10 years later I hear he beats his now Girlfriend. Generally they don’t change and it usually escalates worse. 

 

Good luck and and don’t ever think you deserbe this or this is normal behavior.

Post # 209
Member
37 posts
Newbee

thisbeehides:  Get out……… don’t take it any more. My mum lived with someone who behaved the same way, and it got to the point where he actually picked me up and threw me out when I tried to defend her.  You do not deserve to be treated like this. Nobody does.

Post # 210
Member
5365 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

RobbieAndJuliahaha:  the last update I saw from her, which was deleted, talked how they went on a weekend getaway and that the abuse escalated. I believe he held her down on the bed and tried hitting her while they were driving or something like that. He also talked about how he had sex with some girl in the car (not sure he he actually did or not) because he thought she was seeing a friend while she was really in the hotel sleeping. I can’t remember exact details, but it was getting worse. That was a week or two ago and I haven’t heard anything since.

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