(Closed) Is this disrespectful?

posted 8 years ago in College
Post # 3
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

It sounds like your grandmother really just wants to spend time with you.  I would invite them to lunch. I would also see if someone had an extra ticket fro them, but that’s just me.  They obviously really care about you and want to celebrate with you, and I wouldn’t want to deny them that.

Post # 4
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

i agree with BrooklynBride…your grandmother probably just wants to be there no matter what to see you graduate. I know my grandmothers always insist on going to every milestone because they fear when they will no longer be around. I don’t think it’s rude that you don’t have tickets for them, and you are in a bad spot. I would just try to get an extra ticket, if you can’t just explain that to her and she will understand. Even if you can’t give her a ticket I would have everyone go out to lunch like you said including her so that at least she can spend some time with you during a special day in your life.

Post # 5
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I know my school around graduation time always had people giving away tickets, asking for tickets, etc. Can you see if anyone has 2 extra tickets?

Otherwise, I would personally be excited to be able to be with my grandparents. I’m down to one as is my Fiance, and I haven’t seen mine in 3 years due to distance. I would count them coming as a blessing and enjoy dinner with them.

Post # 6
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

honestly, i don’t think it’s disrespectful of them at all–i think it’s lovely. this is a big accomplishment, and they want to celebrate with you! are you sure it’s not possible to get more tickets? there’s usually some kind of way for tickets that aren’t being used to get redistributed–either informally or through the actual school, if people return tickets.

eta: i’m biased on this because all 4 of my grandparents passed away within my first 3 years of college, and i would have loved more than anything to have had them with me. i still cry that they now won’t be with me at my wedding, and it’s been 5 years

Post # 7
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with the previous posters about trying to find 2 additional tickets. If there is still bad blood between your grandma and grandpa I would see if maybe the tickets could be in a separate location in the venue. Then perhaps you could go out to lunch as planned with your original guests and then try to meet up with your grandma in the late afternoon for ice cream or even for an early (lite) dinner. I really think it’s important to celebrate with her because she may not be around for other milestones either. I also would have given anything to have my grandpa at my graduation but sadly he had cancer and wasn’t able to travel and m grandma who lived an hour away (and had transportation from other relatives) chose not to attend because her toe hurt. Count your blessings.

Post # 9
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

There is always a way to get more tickets to these kinds of things, and I think, even though people shouldn’t invite themselves to events, it would be really good of you to try to secure two more for your grandmother and her ex. The situation sounds a little strange, but it’s not too hard to imagine she wants to celebrate with you!

Post # 10
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

If you really can’t get more tickets, I would at least allow them to come to the lunch.  It sounds like she wants to spend time with you and celebrate with you, not ‘crash’.

Edit: I read your additional post.  If she really just wants to come for that, then maybe she won’t stay the whole time just because she wants to see her ex.  Maybe she wants to see him though because he probably isn’t going to be around much longer and wants to say goodbye in person.

Post # 11
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I wish my grandparents loved me this much!

Post # 12
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t think a grandparent could ever crash a graduation event.  It sounds like she just wants to celebrate with you however she can.

Post # 14
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

In order to be “crashing” your grad lunch, you’d have to not want her there, is there a reason?  If you don’t want her there, I would just say so instead of making her travel and spend the money.  I don’t think it’s rude or disrespectful of her at all, and I think you you need to be much more upfront.

Post # 15
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

I guess I’ll go ahead and be in the minority here because I get a totally different vibe from your posts. From what you’re saying, the case is that she really doesn’t care. She just wants to keep tabs on an ex and your graduation became the perfect excuse. From the info you gave, it really doesn’t sound like you’re a big priority for her (your example of leaving 10 minutes into your last graduation).

You have a limited amount of tickets. You may or may not be able to get more. If you can–OK, if you can’t–oh well. It seems like you’re pushing about her not being invited to the lunch. Is it maybe that you want to spend time with your Boyfriend or Best Friend and close family without theatrics/awkwardness? You mentioned grandmpa’s health and your major concern seems to be spending time with him in a comfortable and happy setting to make memories and the presence of these two other people might make that difficult or impossible. If that’s the case, don’t stretch yourself thin trying to meet other’s expectations. This may not be a wedding, but I’m not going to be a proponent that you be uncomfortable for someone who doesn’t really care.

ETA: I just saw your third post. Honestly, I wouldn’t force things if you don’t feel up to it. Just try to have a great time for graduation. Do whatever you feel is best.

Post # 16
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

After reading all your posts.  Its seems grandma wants to come but for the wrong reasons.  If she isn’t a part of your life too much and doesn’t support your life, ie. career and boyfriend.  Then I can see why aren’t too excited to have her there.

I think you’re best bet is to talk to her.  See if she really wants to come.  

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