(Closed) Is this email from the shower host gift-grabby? Or am I overreacting?

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 31
2360 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

There’s just so many rules! 

Post # 33
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Tell the hostess that you can’t make it.   You do not owe the hostess an explanation of why you can’t attend or what your gift plans are.  If hostess presses you with “Well, you are sending a gift, right?”, then (and only then), tell her your plans to gift the bride in person. 

I don’t care about the whole “wrap in clear” (or don’t wrap your gift at all) thing … whatever.  But the hostess should remember that the reason that the bride’s address is on the registry is so that the gifts can be shipped directly to her!!! 



Post # 34
2655 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
HopefulForLittleOne:  If you are not in the wedding party why is she asking you to pay?

She also should not have included where to send gifts if you cannot attend. That was bad.

I would ask the hostess if you can get a reduced rate as you shouldnt have to pay for alcohol you can’t drink ( though I am floored that you are paying to attend this shower!) If she doesnt comply 

I would skip the shower, take your friend out for a nice brunch and give your wrapped-as-you-please gift then.

Post # 35
580 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Let me see…  I feel individuals should be very careful when throwing any type of party and expecting gifts of any kind.  I think a nice party can turn into a gift grabby feeling rather quickly.  So, yes the e-mail does very much rub me the wrong way.  It should be reworded much more carefully.  

The shower wording…

If someone is throwing a party you should not expect others to pay for it.  That is just off.  This bad email girl could have made arrangements for a buffet style party if that was her thing.  Then everyone would have been in a since paying for their own way.  To ask for money to pay for the party is just wrong on many counts.  And OP you are right, when theres money for drinks being thrown around and you don’t drink it never comes out fair.  Its like your sitting at a restaurant with 7 of your friends and everyone drank except you.  Then when the bill comes everyone thinks its a great idea to spilt the tab.

The clear wrapping paper situation…

Thats just rude to tell people how to wrap their gifts.  To hell with that.  If I went to the shower I would totally wrap the gift any way I wanted.  I don’t like a lot of instructions.  I kiind of like flying by the seat of my pants and doing my own thing.  I’m a grown woman, I can decide on my own how to give a gift

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