- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2017
I agree with
I agree with
My post didn’t include any generalization; I made sure to say that “I” had personally never heard of it. I mention being from Toronto because as a large, culturally diverse city, I would have thought it’d be more inclusive/representative of various wedding customs and traditions (as opposed to a small town that had its own local customs).
That being said, I still think it’s a bit of an odd custom (no offense meant to anyone). It seems like people on these forums think it’s awful to ask bridesmaids to do anything to help for their weddings, so what exactly is the gift for? If it’s a gift to say, “thanks for your friendship/love and for standing beside me at my wedding”, then it really shouldn’t matter what is given – as long as the sentiment is there, right?
Back to the OP, I still think it’s a nice gift, and if you say something like, “wouldn’t it be fun if we all wore the necklaces on the day?” as opposed to “please wear the necklace at my wedding”, then it really doesn’t sound like a gift that was bought only for the wedding.
I think that’s exactly what it’s for. When you give a birthday gift, it’s not really an award for the person managing to not die in the past year. It’s to thank them for another year you’ve been in each other’s lives as friends supporting each other. I feel the same way about gifts to our wedding party: using the excuse of an occasion (like you do at a birthday or Christmas) to thank them for being part of your life. To me it’s less of “thank you for helping me with wedding work” and more of “thank you for being my friend through everything, including leading up to this huge day in my life.”
To be honest, I tried to think of the gifts I’d gotten as a bridesmaid in various weddings, and I’m not really sure. At least one I got a nice necklace that unfortunately was forgotten in the wedding hotel. At another I got a spa-day-at-home basket the bride had made, and I think something else related to the wedding? The others I don’t even remember, but what I do remember was the sentiment.
Sounds great!! I know some bees think its a lot but thats your choice. Im spending 200 on each of my bridesmaids because I WANT TO!
I have been a bridesmaid in only one, but I’ve had several close friends get married/act as bridesmaids, and no one has ever talked about this! My sis-in-law (I was not in her wedding party) is my Maid/Matron of Honor and when I asked her if she gave her girls gifts she said no – she wasn’t aware that it was a thing either! I would describe all of these people as classy, well-to-do, and educated, so I’m not sure if it was a conscious decision to breach etiquette or that they, like me, just didn’t know about it.
I’ve only experienced/heard about the bride paying for dress/shoes if they want a specific style, and paying for make-up and hair (which I think is the “gift”). Just goes to show how many different wedding customs there are – hard to keep track of them all!
I do think it’s nice to give a gift to thank them for their friendship and support as opposed to “thanks for being my bridesmaid”. When framed in that way, it sounds like a lovely gesture.
Of course it matters what is given- on any gift giving occasion. And please don’t jump to the conclusion that you have to buy a specific gift, or one that costs a minimum amount. A gift should always be thoughtfully chosen for the receiver.
If I show up for your birthday and give you a kitty litter box when, not ony do you not have a cat but are allergic to them, it shows I have paid absolutely no attention to what you would enjoy. I probably bought the cheapest thing I couldd find or something I already had at home.
On the other hand, if I give you an inexpensive guidebook to all the hiking trails in am area to which you have recently moved, and you love hiking, it shows I put real thought into something you would enjoy and something chosen personally for you.
That’s why robes, jewelry they are expected to wear at the wedding etc are not true “gifts” They are props for your wedding. They are not chosen with thought to each individual person. They are a collection of things you think will look good in your photo album.
Sure, I agree that some thought should go into it (obviously giving a vegan a meat grinder is kind of a senseless gift), but I personally don’t interpret ‘wedding-themed’ gifts as inherently selfish. I don’t take them to mean, “I want cool photos for Instagram”, but more so that the girls are all sharing in this immediate experience, so how do I make it more comfortable (robes, spa products, make-up, etc.) or more memorable (necklace, charms, momogramed items, etc.)? Maybe I’m in the minority, but I wouldn’t chalk it up to vanity if a bride gave me a robe or a themed item – I’d see it as her wanting to commemorate the experience. I’ve only been in the one wedding, but it was for sure a bonding experience for all of the bridal party, and I would have appreciated a cute T-shirt that said, “bridesmaid” with all our names on it, or a necklace that we all had. It would just remind me of the fun we had planning the wedding, and the wedding itself. Kind of like when you were a kid and you got friendship necklaces or bracelets, or you’d buy the same t-shirt as a friend so you could have a closer connection to that person. Just my opinion though.
I think as long as it is something they would really use again you’re okay. Cheap matching outfits, a single monogrammed glass, anything with “bridesmaid” on it is a waste of money. The nicest thing I have received as a bridesmaid was a necklace for the wedding, other than that I’ve only received a little emergency kit, gold colored clutch, monogrammed glass. I don’t think I received anything the first wedding I was in but we were just out of college and didn’t have much money.
I got pretty modest gifts of a matching necklace/earring set for each girl that i do want them to wear. I think they are neutral and can be worn again. Paying for hair and got each girl a nice lip stain/long wear lip stick. I have in mind that I should add something but that is already around $120 each and it feels a bit weird to go crazy on elaborate gifts when they aren’t actually helping with the wedding. I didn’t ask them too but no one has spent hours making decorations or sending invites or anything. They will also be treated to a nice rehearsal dinner and then champagne and lunch while getting ready.
I’m editing to add: I’m offering this up as my personal opinion and what I’ve seen as the norm in my area. Certainly everyone doesn’t have the same tastes.
yes a completely offensively thoughtless gift is but lets face it how often does that happen? buying a vegan a meatgrider or cat litter box for someone who hates cats is either a passive agressive act or just a genuine mistake
I get stuff from family all the time which is stuff I would never in a million years buy (lord of the rings box set for instance, I dispise lord of the rings and frankly 90% of far fetched fantasy things) but I just smile, say thank you, hug them and dont accuse my great, great uncle of being selfish for not getting me something I personally love
I’ve always gotten robes/necklaces for the wedding and loved it. I think what you got them is great!
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