(Closed) Is this enough for a bridesmaid gift?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I agree with 

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ilovesophia. I’ve also always gotten wedding related gifts. It wasn’t always stuff I’d wear later, but I also am not rude enough to expect a gift for being in someone’s wedding and also helped with planning/showers etc. I have NO idea where all the gift and bridesmaids not helping with weddings came from on here. ALL of the etiquette sites and books say the exact opposite.

Post # 17
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

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julies1949 :  

My post didn’t include any generalization; I made sure to say that “I” had personally never heard of it. I mention being from Toronto because as a large, culturally diverse city, I would have thought it’d be more inclusive/representative of various wedding customs and traditions (as opposed to a small town that had its own local customs).

That being said, I still think it’s a bit of an odd custom (no offense meant to anyone). It seems like people on these forums think it’s awful to ask bridesmaids to do anything to help for their weddings, so what exactly is the gift for? If it’s a gift to say, “thanks for your friendship/love and for standing beside me at my wedding”, then it really shouldn’t matter what is given – as long as the sentiment is there, right?

Back to the OP, I still think it’s a nice gift, and if you say something like, “wouldn’t it be fun if we all wore the necklaces on the day?” as opposed to “please wear the necklace at my wedding”, then it really doesn’t sound like a gift that was bought only for the wedding.

Post # 18
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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fresh :  “If it’s a gift to say, “thanks for your friendship/love and for standing beside me at my wedding”, then it really shouldn’t matter what is given – as long as the sentiment is there, right?”

I think that’s exactly what it’s for. When you give a birthday gift, it’s not really an award for the person managing to not die in the past year. It’s to thank them for another year you’ve been in each other’s lives as friends supporting each other. I feel the same way about gifts to our wedding party: using the excuse of an occasion (like you do at a birthday or Christmas) to thank them for being part of your life. To me it’s less of “thank you for helping me with wedding work” and more of “thank you for being my friend through everything, including leading up to this huge day in my life.”

To be honest, I tried to think of the gifts I’d gotten as a bridesmaid in various weddings, and I’m not really sure. At least one I got a nice necklace that unfortunately was forgotten in the wedding hotel. At another I got a spa-day-at-home basket the bride had made, and I think something else related to the wedding? The others I don’t even remember, but what I do remember was the sentiment.

Post # 19
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Sounds great!! I know some bees think its a lot but thats your choice. Im spending 200 on each of my bridesmaids because I WANT TO!

Post # 20
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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summerbride0815 :   I think it’s fine…actually MORE than fine. A 150 necklace is clearly a great peice of jewlery- perhaps post a picture to get better feedback?   I’ve been a bridesmaid 8 times now and each time the gift was wedding realted- usually a purse/wristlet and jewlery for the day of.   Since I am the last person in my group of friends to get married I decided against a purse/wristlet and jewlery since by now we have one in almost every color ( we’ve all been BM’s in eachother’s wedding).  I went with a few things they may need for the “day of”  mini toothbrush wisps, teeth wine wipes, blotting paper, advil, breath mints, chapstick etc. and a spa gift card. I also bought them matching shirts and flips flops to wear while getting ready at the venue.  If you are looking to add more perhaps you can do something similar?  I found SUPER cute/cheap makeup bags on etsy for 5 bucks that i’m putting everything in.

Post # 21
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

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fresh :  Really? I am from Toronto and I have been in 7 weddings. I have received a very nice gift from every wedding I have been in. Every wedding I have ever heard of, the bride gives her bridesmaids a nice gift, usually at the rehearsal dinner. I even receieved a gift for being a reader. This is a very well-known custom and i’m actually shocked you have never heard of this! Have you ever been in a wedding? I didn’t know about the custom until I was in my first wedding about 5 years ago. 

Post # 22
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

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blahblahgirl :  

I have been a bridesmaid in only one, but I’ve had several close friends get married/act as bridesmaids, and no one has ever talked about this! My sis-in-law (I was not in her wedding party) is my Maid/Matron of Honor and when I asked her if she gave her girls gifts she said no – she wasn’t aware that it was a thing either! I would describe all of these people as classy, well-to-do, and educated, so I’m not sure if it was a conscious decision to breach etiquette or that they, like me, just didn’t know about it.

I’ve only experienced/heard about the bride paying for dress/shoes if they want a specific style, and paying for make-up and hair (which I think is the “gift”). Just goes to show how many different wedding customs there are – hard to keep track of them all!

I do think it’s nice to give a gift to thank them for their friendship and support as opposed to “thanks for being my bridesmaid”. When framed in that way, it sounds like a lovely gesture.

Post # 23
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

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fresh :  So true!! It’s hard to keep up!!! haha  See and I have never had any bride paid for my dress, hair or shoes! I agree! To me it;s saying thank you for many years of friendship 🙂

Post # 24
Member
47458 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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fresh :  “thanks for your friendship/love and for standing beside me at my wedding”, then it really shouldn’t matter what is given – as long as the sentiment is there, right?

Of course it matters what is given- on any gift giving occasion. And please don’t jump to the conclusion that you have to buy a specific gift, or one that costs a minimum amount. A gift should always be thoughtfully chosen for the receiver.

If I show up for your birthday and give you a kitty litter box when, not ony do you not have a cat but are allergic to them, it shows I have paid absolutely no attention to what you would enjoy. I probably bought the cheapest thing I couldd find or something I already had at home.

On the other hand, if I give you an inexpensive guidebook to all the hiking trails in am area to which you have recently moved,  and you love hiking, it  shows I put real thought into something you would enjoy and something chosen personally for you.

That’s why robes, jewelry they are expected to wear at the wedding etc are not true “gifts” They are props for your wedding.  They are not chosen with thought to each individual person. They are a collection of things you think will look good in your photo album.

Post # 25
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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fresh :  I find that so interesting! I am Canadian and have heard of this a lot. I was recently in a wedding where we all got a pearl bracelet and studs, and when I was my sister’s Maid/Matron of Honor she gave me a formal purse (clutch type thing), flip flops for the night of from Aldo, a necklace from Aldo (not for the day) and a glass white tray that says diamonds are a girls best friend. I definitely don’t expect a gift when I am in a wedding, but it is not a surprise to me. I am from Hamilton by the way. So funny how different things can be person to person, even in the same hood! 🙂

Post # 26
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

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julies1949 :  

Sure, I agree that some thought should go into it (obviously giving  a vegan a meat grinder is kind of a senseless gift), but I personally don’t interpret ‘wedding-themed’ gifts as inherently selfish. I don’t take them to mean, “I want cool photos for Instagram”, but more so that the girls are all sharing in this immediate experience, so how do I make it more comfortable (robes, spa products, make-up, etc.) or more memorable (necklace, charms, momogramed items, etc.)? Maybe I’m in the minority, but I wouldn’t chalk it up to vanity if a bride gave me a robe or a themed item – I’d see it as her wanting to commemorate the experience. I’ve only been in the one wedding, but it was for sure a bonding experience for all of the bridal party, and I would have appreciated a cute T-shirt that said, “bridesmaid” with all our names on it, or a necklace that we all had. It would just remind me of the fun we had planning the wedding, and the wedding itself. Kind of like when you were a kid and you got friendship necklaces or bracelets, or you’d buy the same t-shirt as a friend so you could have a closer connection to that person. Just my opinion though.

Post # 27
Member
2187 posts
Buzzing bee

I think as long as it is something they would really use again you’re okay.  Cheap matching outfits, a single monogrammed glass, anything with “bridesmaid” on it is a waste of money.  The nicest thing I have received as a bridesmaid was a necklace for the wedding, other than that I’ve only received a little emergency kit, gold colored clutch, monogrammed glass.  I don’t think I received anything the first wedding I was in but we were just out of college and didn’t have much money.  

I got pretty modest gifts of a matching necklace/earring set for each girl that i do want them to wear.  I think they are neutral and can be worn again.  Paying for hair and got each girl a nice lip stain/long wear lip stick.  I have in mind that I should add something but that is already around $120 each and it feels a bit weird to go crazy on elaborate gifts when they aren’t actually helping with the wedding.  I didn’t ask them too but no one has spent hours making decorations or sending invites or anything.  They will also be treated to a nice rehearsal dinner and then champagne and lunch while getting ready. 

I’m editing to add:  I’m offering this up as my personal opinion and what I’ve seen as the norm in my area.  Certainly everyone doesn’t have the same tastes. 

Post # 28
Member
47458 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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fresh :  To each her own. If walking around town wearing a tee shirt that says “bridesmaid” on it works for you, go right ahead. To me its’ a waste of time and money and clearly meant only for her pictures.

Post # 29
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

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julies1949 :  every year we give the kids in my sons school a small gift at christmas, they all get the same but its still a gift… we still went out of our way to buy present, spend our money and spend ages wrapping them (which is bloody hard work) so that every kids has that little moment of joy – I frankly cant see how thats rude or selfish because we didnt ‘personalise’ each gift

yes a completely offensively thoughtless gift is but lets face it how often does that happen? buying a vegan a meatgrider or cat litter box for someone who hates cats is either a passive agressive act or just a genuine mistake

I get stuff from family all the time which is stuff I would never in a million years buy (lord of the rings box set for instance, I dispise lord of the rings and frankly 90% of far fetched fantasy things) but I just smile, say thank you, hug them and dont accuse my great, great uncle of being selfish for not getting me something I personally love undecided

Post # 30
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’ve always gotten robes/necklaces for the wedding and loved it. I think what you got them is great! 

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