(Closed) Is this fair?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
4040 posts
Honey bee

nessdawwg:  Oh, this is sooooo not cool and not acceptable. If I were you, I would say, “You didn’t keep your end of the deal, so I don’t think it’s appropriate or fair for you to go on the trip.” He may not like it, but he is an adult and needs to be more financially responsible. If he knew this trip was coming up, he should have earned the money/worked over time to afford it. It is absolutely not acceptable for him to spend your money or joint money on a trip that he failed to save for.

Does he have a history of financial irresponsibilty? Has he made efforts to contribute more equally? It seems like you are pulling most of the financially burden while he is skirting by. That would be a major concern for me and something that would need to be resolved BEFORE marriage.

Post # 3
337 posts
Helper bee

Hell no that’s not fair… While you’re stressing about money he’s having a good ole time. No! I would open a seperate account and keep all my money in there… half the bills in order to make sure he’s contributing to bills and if he doesn’t have any money left over then too bad! He’s walking all over you… And that’s not nice! Time for you to get him on the same page or y’all will one day end up in a debt there’s no getting out of. Good Luck lady! 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Madeline789.
Post # 4
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Well, you have been bankrolling his man-child lifestyle and don’t seem to have a coherent money management plan between yourselves, so it is not surprising that one of you is bent out of shape. It might be good for you guys to have his money, your money, and an account for joint expenses. You each pay half; see how much galavanting his broke ass does then.

Post # 6
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Definitely not fair. I feel bad for you! I would feel so upset and used. I know I would never use bill money to go on a solo vacation if SO were working overtime for it.

It’s great that you guys are opening separate accounts, but maybe you should start thinking, too, if someone with such an irresponsible attitude toward money is someone you want to be with long term.

Post # 8
337 posts
Helper bee

Good for you Nessdawwg! I’m glad you opened up that other account because know when he asks why you’re so mad at him you can just show him why without having to say a word. I’m so mad for you… grrrr. 

Post # 9
6207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I think that if I were you, I’d tell him this: “It’s fine that you want some time to go away with your friends, but right now we can’t afford it, so it’s not fair that I’m working almost twice as much as you and you’re the one who gets vacation. I hope you have a good time, and then when you get home I’m going to help you find a second job, too, so that I can have the same luxuries you do.”

Post # 10
809 posts
Busy bee

Screw that.  How, as a man, is he comfortable spending the money YOU made on a vacation you could have gone on with him but you have to stay home because you have to work and can’t afford to even visit your family?  If this kind of thing is standard for him I would’ve dumped him years ago.  He’s not acting like he cares about you or respects you… does being with him really make you happy?  Are you ready to spend the rest of your life arguing about money?  Have fun with that.

Post # 11
2609 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

nessdawwg:  No, it’s not fair and you should dumb this lazy moocher.  

Is this the same guy who got the lap,dance after primo missing you no strippers? 

Honey, you can do a lot better for yourself.  Spend the weekend finding a new place.

Post # 12
173 posts
Blushing bee

nessdawwg:  Good for you on getting the seperate account, I think that was a necessary move!  For him to not have worked to pay for his trip and then take the money you have worked extra for to go, and say that afterward he won’t be able to go to a nice dinner or something for your anniversary, it’s just BS!  You don’t need to pay for his play time.  I hope you save some extra money and do something nice for yourself!

Post # 13
5791 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

bmo88: This,  Madeline789: This,  LoveBugBee:  And this!

Making adjustments when things do not turn up as expected is called being an adult; OP, you must make sure the man you intend to marry is one.

Post # 14
4716 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

That’s just idiotic behavior on his part. Its not even close to fair that you work for him to go play, I would add up all the money he’s wasted recently (on the things he didn’t need, lunches he can’t afford to buy, and the trip he couldn’t afford to take) and present it to him.

When my FI and I first got together, he helped me curb my spending by adding up things I thought were no big deal, seeing what I could’ve saved was infuriating and kicked by butt into gear, it helped me become much wiser with money.

Post # 15
2853 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’d be getting separate bank accounts.  I would not fund his little tip with your hard work.

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