Post # 1
My Fiance left on Sunday and we used to share an apartment together. I have cleaned up the mess he left behind and even started redecorating. I still sleep in the bed (I have loved taking it over. lol), I watch the same shows we watched cus..well.. I have always loved “Family Guy” and “South Park”, and there have been no issues. In fact, I am LOVING living alone. Hmmm…maybe that’s a sign. LOL.
I always hear that when people have lived together and then split up, it’s hard being in their old home. I, on the other hand, am perfectly fine with it. Here’s my thing though, I get a lonely feeling in my stomach when I LEAVE my apartment. That’s weird to me.
I get up, get dressed, put my make up on, and head out the door. I am not totally distraught, but I get a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach that usually subsides quickly, but I still don’t like it. I’m confused on my feelings. I want to either just cry on the floor (which I haven’t done yet) or be completely fine with it. Like now, for instance, I have to go to the market and pick up some fruit, I am a little afraid of that feeling I’m going to get when I leave but I gotta go. I find it weird because I do have this superhuman strength with this breakup I never thought I’d have. I was at work and something reminded me of him, so I got a little sad, but I bounce back very, very quickly. I understand that in need to fully heal, I need to fully feel the pain. But what if….there is no HUGE pain? We broke up March 9th, and besides the first two days, I haven’t shed a tear in regards to him. I DO shed a tear at the thought of not finding love again.
I guess what I am trying to say is I don’t like this emotional limbo I am in. Be destroyed or be elated. Not both.
Have any bees experienced this? Is there any advice for me? There are so many major changes in my life occuring and I’m not sure how to feel about anything. I don’t feel like I’m numbing the pain because I WANT to feel it so that I can completely move on…any responses are welcome and again, thank you for reading yet another post from me. LOL
Post # 3
It depends on your situation. I’ve been in the same situation as you before and lived alone in the house before ex-so moved in. After he moved out, it felt I had my own place back and I LOVED IT! Fast forward another 10 years: new home, new SO that moved in a year ago and I still can enjoy being home alone a single night. I never had a problem being alone and sometimes I need some “space”. Good luck, you just have to get used to it a little!
Post # 4
Hey there! Sounds like you may be suffering from a bit of anxiety. I had the same thing happen after my engagement ended. My ex moved out and back to Massachusetts, leaving me totally on my own for the first time in my life. I was okay for the first few months, but around the end of July I had a MASSIVE panic attack after I went to the gym alone and almost passed out due to overwork + not enough food/water.
Since then, I’ve been slowly recovering from an urgency to not leave the house (or “safe” locations like my office). It was so bad at first that I spent a week unable to leave my home. But I got into therapy and slowly regained control of my life.
Hopefully you won’t deal with anything quite so drastic – but it is normal. I think it’s the fact that, even though you are overwhelmingly better off and okay with the relationship ending, there’s a feeling when you leave that comfort zone that things are different and you’re ‘alone’ now where you didn’t used to be before, at least symbolically.
Don’t force yourself to feel. You may NOT feel any huge pain – everyone processes life events differently. Just keep up what you’re doing and maybe take time to reflect every day by spending a little quiet time with a journal, jotting down your feelings and thoughts.
Post # 5
Honestly, if you’re doing this well then you probably made the right choice to break up! Of course you’re going to feel lonely sometimes and worry about the future, but you’ll meet the right person when the time is right. For now enjoy single life & be kind to yourself. It’s ok to be upset, & it’s ok to be happy too : )
Post # 6
- Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA
@angustia: I don’t have advice about the feeling you’re getting when you leave the house, but i just wanted to tell you that I just read all of your posts and have to say I’m 100% confident you will find love again, probably within the year. You seem so intelligent and well-spoken (I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to read posts that have good grammar and are well thought-out on an interenet forum! Lol). Your ex really lost a good thing, and it sounds like he’s starting to realize it! You will find someone who is an equal to you, sooner than you expect!! And at 24, you have plenty of time to be choosy. If there’s anything my exes have taught me, it’s how to choose more wisely the next time around. You have a bright future ahead of you, girly!
Post # 7
You know, if things were bad for a while its possible you just already grieved the loss, and that’s why you’re feeling acceptance already.
I had a boyfriend from the age of 15-22 that I lived with for thesat year of our relationship. Pretty sure we knew for at least 6 months we were going to break ip and were kinda just waiting for it to be “convenient” for one of us to move (we were in university, and working and our shared apartment was in a nice spot for ease of getting to school and who wants to move mid semester… so we kind of just lived like roommates/pretended everything was fine since it wasnt super bad either. I finished school and got a job about an hour away so I was the one who decided to move out. And I distinctly remember not really caring that much. In fact thn only thing I was “upset” about is that the progress in my video game was saved on his computer so I was going to have to start from level 1 again.
Post # 8
@MissCalifornia: I think I am having minor anxiety. I just… I don’t know. It takes a little voice saying, “Here we go….” for me to be confident in going outside. I don’t like it, but I make it. Thank you for pointing that out for me.
@VioletSky: This. I forget it’s ok to feel both upset and ok. I’m just trying to assess where I am during this time and would love for one emotion to be prevalent. 🙂 It’s ok for me to feel both. Thank you
@Kings7911: Awwww, thank you. Ironically, I’m typing away furiously when I write these posts and when I look over it (after I already submitted it, no less), I’m wincing at the errors I made! Ha!
I really hope I find love. I think I’m scared because I found the man I was ready to marry, and he didn’t feel the same. It makes me feel good that a total stranger can see my potential through a computer screen. My mom tells me that I’m a good woman who shouldn’t be afraid of hoarding cats (lol), but I toss that up to that being her job as my mother. 😉 I can’t help but feeling kind of rejected right now. I wish he would’ve seen these things about me and embrace them. Instead, he ran away from me. I really hope he’s sorry.
Your words are so kind. Thank you very much.
@SapphireSun: That’s what my therapist said! LOL. I was totally ready for the “big breakdown”…soooo I made a counseling appointment IMMEDIATELY following the breakup. When I got there and started talking to him, he said I was already processing the end of the relationship, so now it would just be a matter of grieving memories more than HIM. He said that we are going to have work on my fear of indefinite loneliness more than losing him. My confusion over not really crying is like feeling the tickle of a sneeze coming, and when you actually get ready to do it, it goes away. LOL.
I definitely waited for a convenient time subconsciously because I was ready to break up, and was hoping he’d at least wait until I graduated. Lol. Even after the proposal, I still had doubts he actually wanted to get married and go through with it.
And if the only thing you are concerned about is starting your game over from level one, you needed to go. HA! Thank you for sharing your story. Glad to know there are people out there who felt what I feel right now and I’m not a complete weirdo.
Post # 9
@SapphireSun: Definitely echo the “already grieved the loss” sentiment – even though we were engaged, I know in my heart I didn’t want to be with my ex and kept imagining us breaking up and ending things over and over. When it finally came, it was a relief more than a blow.
Post # 10
@angustia: Haha, luckily a sequel was released shortly after, so I just started on the new game, and all problems were solved 😛 But yeah, definitely a sign that it was emotionally over before it officially ended. There was no real sadness, or denial, just relief and minor practical annoyances.
Post # 11
I always get a little sad when I leave our apartment!
When I left my ex-FI, the hardest thing for me was going to sleep at night! But I was the one who moved!
I’m sure you’ll move past this quickly! Good luck!
Post # 12
@jocember & @SapphireSun: This. I felt like it was over before it was over. Still sad, and kinda shocked because I thought he realized what he had when he proposed but ya. I have some hope that I will be good to go eventually.
Post # 13
There have been times when I’ve felt exhilerated when a dying relationship finally ended and I had my freedom back.
I agree that it’s possible to have worked thru the painful feelings before the actual split. And I also agree about some anxiety issues going on.
Keep talking about it and putting one foot in front of the other.