- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
I need advice on a friendship that I don’t know if it’s worth trying to save. I’ll call my friend Ann. We’ve been friends for a couple of years and work at the same place. We work in different areas of the workplace, but there have been a few times where I have to work in her area, so we see each other fairly often in the workplace.
When I was planning my wedding Ann knew she was being invited along with her boyfriend. She would ask questions on how things were coming together, but that was it, and she never gave unsolicited advice or was negative about anything. I ended up having a bridesmaid that was possibly not going to be able to make it to the wedding (for medical reasons), which I mentioned to Ann one day when she asked how things were going. Ann said what a bummer that was, and said if the bridesmaid couldn’t make it, that she would be happy to act as a backup bridesmaid and fill in. She went on to talk about how reliable she is and how I wouldn’t have to worry. I never asked that of her and told her it was a very generous offer and would keep her updated of the situation.
During all of this, Ann knew where Darling Husband and I were planning on taking our honeymoon, to a few cities in another country. Well after offering to be a backup bridesmaid, she was out of contact with us for a couple of months. I didn’t see her much at work but I also wasn’t called to work in her area. When I did see her again (not long before the wedding), she immediately asked how things were and told me that although her supervisor scheduled her to work the weekend of my wedding, she had someone already agree to work her shifts that weekend so she could definitely attend. She said she wasn’t sure about her boyfriend as his schedule varies and requires him to travel a lot. DH and I are friends with him, too, so it wasn’t a big deal. I asked if her and her boyfriend wanted to meet up for lunch later that week, she said she couldn’t because they were busy packing and had just booked a trip…to the exact same places that Darling Husband and I were going on our honeymoon. I thought that was kind of odd, but Darling Husband was actually really mad about that when I told him.
Right after their trip was when our RSVP due date was and I didn’t have an official answer about Ann’s boyfriend. I texted her to ask if he could attend, no response. I waited a couple of days and then emailed, no response. She works at night so I thought maybe she had been working and didn’t want to disturb her sleeping in the daytime. I finally called but no answer and no call back. I called a few times over several days. DH tried calling and emailing Ann’s boyfriend, but he never responded, which isn’t surprising because he’s not the greatest about that sort of thing. Ann finally texted me back after all of this and said her boyfriend couldn’t attend due to travel for work. So I texted back and asked if she was still planning on attending. No response. After several days of more emailing and calling to get ahold of her, she texted again and said she was sorry but couldn’t make it to the wedding. Her reason was that she was scheduled to work.
I haven’t heard anything else from her since. I’ve seen her at a distance at work but haven’t had a chance to pull her aside to talk to her, and she hasn’t made any effort to try and contact me. We never heard anything else from her boyfriend either. Mutual friends have been in contact with them but have been distancing themselves from Ann and her boyfriend lately. The friends cite their reason for distancing is because Ann and her boyfriend live together, he charges her rent, she wants to be more serious and he has told his friends that he has no intention of getting married to her but has yet to tell her that. That’s all secondhand information to me, so I don’t know for sure.
Should I try to reach out to her more? Any ideas on why she would suddenly go from being such a “reliable good friend and backup bridesmaid” to lying to me about her work schedule and ignoring me?