- 3 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015 - The Runnymede Hotel
So I wrote a few months ago about one of my bridesmaids who I was having second thoughts about – long story short, she had kind of assumed she was a BM based on promises we made when we were a lot younger/no where near marriage, I’m not as close to her as I once was, though I am still close to girls from the same ‘group’, two of whom are BM’s.
I was a BM for one of my best friends last weekend. My BM (will call her A) attended as a guest. A lives about an hour east of London, where I live. The wedding was taking place in the countryside, two hours west of London. In the south of the UK, you really need to go via London to get anywhere, so A and ber boyf planned to meet us at the station in London to get the train the rest of the way. We waited all morning. Then I get a text, they’re not travelling to the same town as us, as their hotel is booked elsewhere (ie. not where the wedding is?!). No matter, it’s still on the way, so we can still meet in London. We wait even longer, packed and ready to go. Get another text – going through London is too expensive, they’re going another way. This will add an extra 3 hours to their journey.
Fine, FI and I riush out the house and get going a lot later than we’d planned. We get to bride’s house, go out for a pub dinner. I check my FB and A is on there complaining about how long it’s taking, how far away it is (she’s still on the train, five hours later) I tease her and say ‘Shoulda gone through London :P’ – I percieve this as fairly good natured, even though I was a bit miffed. She then rings me up, FURIOUS. How dare I, when it’s been such a stressful day? They have money problems! They had no idea it would cost this much! This wedding has been a nightmare and it hasn’t even started! (The money troubles, she admits, are down to their lack of organisation, and the fact that her boyf decided to go to a festival the week before, spending more than usual).
… we made up, on the phone. But I’m still a bit shaken, especially with my wedding coming up next May. I’m starting to think that my first instinct was right, and want her out of my bridal party. BUT I still love her and don’t want to lose the friendship. I have drafted the below email, could you let me know if it sounds too harsh?
Firstly, I want you to know how much I love you, and value our friendship.
I am sorry for the misunderstanding that happened at XX’s wedding last week. I feel really bad about it, especially as I had no idea how difficult things were for you when it came to the travel/accomodation party of the wedding. It must have been really stressful, and I feel guilty for making it worse. It’s also made me worried about my own wedding next year, and the travel which will be involved, not just on the day, but for other events around it. In addtion, it is looking increasingly like I won’t be able to afford all of/any of the cost of the bridesmaids dresses. Next year will be a big year for you, with your new job and so much changing in your life. I really don’t want to add any extra worries, financial or otherwise on top of that. I think it might be easier for you to attend the wedding as a guest, without any extra obligations.
This has been really difficult to write, I’m really sorry if I’ve upset you, I am trying to prevent any further upset.