Post # 1
Okay, bees. <br />So our engagement has been going pretty well so far, we haven’t really started planning as I am applying to graduate school and want to hear back first before we plan. I’m a young bride to be. 21, almost 22. My fiance is 24 but he was born when his parents were very very young. He has an 11 year old sister. Now, she is a sweetheart. Adores me, and is already calling me her “sister”. But his mother (my FMIL) is all about his little sister. She constantly posts on FB about her and talks about her way more than she should and way more than she does about my fiance. She’s the baby of the family and she gets all the attention most of the time, even when the day is supposed to be about someone else. Here’s the dilemma: FMIL told FI’s little sister that she could sing a tribute song at our wedding, without even asking us! And I’m not exactly comfortable with it. FMIL is sweet to me most of the time, but i just don’t think it’s appropriate. I fear that FMIL will take her attention away from her son and me and focus it on his sister and her song. I’m definiely not jealous of an 11 year old, but I just want the day to be exclusively about us. It’s our wedding! Sister is already practicing the song at private lessons and we havent even set a date yet? How do i tell FMIL I don’t really like the idea? (shes very sensitive and easy to lash out) Thanks, bees!
Post # 2
I should add, his family is nor contributing financially to the wedding. They are only paying for the rehearsal dinner.
Post # 3
Maybe suggest she sing at an engagement party or the rehearsal instead to keep the peace? That is annoying though.
Post # 4
I agree, ask her if she would like to sing the tribute song at the rehearsal dinner!
Post # 5
I would just let the little girl sing her song. Nobody is going to care about her so let her have her 5 minutes of fame. Everyone there is focused on you And your husband.
Post # 6
Well…..the sister is still a kid. Of course your MIL is going to pay more attention to her/post more about her to FB. Your FI is an adult.
It’s not cool that your MIL told his sister she could sing at the wedding without clearing it with you first, but the “I want the day to be exclusively about us” shit is bratty and I would try and cut out that line of thinking now or this wedding planning experience is going to be miserable for you. It sounds like you don’t want her to sing because your upset the attention will be on her for all of 3 minutes, which, .
If you really don’t want her to sing then you need to tell your MIL that ASAP, but I promise you, your MIL can patat attention to her daughter and still focus on/be excited for you two.
Post # 7
RavenAVlahos: Sugguest she does it at the rehearsal dinner? Otherwise, put your damn foot down.
Post # 8
Eww, thats sticky. Sorry she did that! I would just say that you werent really planning on having much of a program at the ceremony/reception where that would fit in, but ask her if she would sing for your rehersal instead. How does your FI feel about it?
Post # 9
RavenAVlahos: You are the adults, not the 11 year old.The two of you need to speak up.
This is your FI’s Mom. He needs to be the one to talk with her and his sister, so you don’t look like the bad guy.
If you want to compromise, you could allow her to sing at the RD. Either way, she needs to be told now, as she will be hurt even more if she practices for years and then you say no.
Post # 10
Oh thats annoying…. since when do little kids sing at weddings? I’m sure it’d be cute but a little strange and out of place.
Since you haven’t even set a date I’d completely ignore it, is she the kind of kid that will get bored and move on? hopefully she does and if not too bad, she’s 11 not 6 she will get over it.
When it comes down to planning the wedding maybe make it clear to your FMIL that it is YOUR wedding and you respect her input but don’t need to follow it.
and if worse comes to worse and you don’t want to hurt feelings do what previous posters suggested and have her do it some other time….
Post # 11
I think your FI should nip this in the bud, ASAP! We always go by the “no pay, no say” philosophy. She can sing at the rehearsal dinner, since her parents are hosting that.
My son in law’s niece (12) was casually singing with a few friends last year (budding girl band?). Her grandmother suggested they sing at my daughter’s wedding (we hired a 10-piece band instead). Don’t know how they would have done that, as we had limited seating at the venue, the girls live 7 hours away, and the only guests under 15 were in the bridal party.
I suggested the niece sing at the rehearsal dinner (29 people), since her grandparents were hosting. Later I was told she was probably too shy to do it. Luckily, I think they forgot about the idea entirely. We had friends perform in the prelude before the ceremony (i.e. degree from Peabody Conservatory, graduate work in opera at Julliard, music teachers, etc.). It could have been very embarrassing, for non-professional teenagers.
Post # 12
Jesus Christ …. the kid gets three minutes of attention while people listen to her sing and all of a sudden your wedding day becomes about the kid? Really? I went to a wedding where the little kids were singing the ABC song as they walked down the aisle. Everyone thought it was cute for an entire three minutes and then it was forgotten about. <br /><br />Everyone on the planet knows the wedding day is about the bride and the groom. You seriously think people are going to make the entire day about the kid singing? Really? SMH.
FTR – if anyone should say something to your FMIL about what she did, it’s your FI. And he should also tell his sister that he’s sorry but their mom messed up in telling her she could do something without clearing it with the two of you first.
Post # 13
RavenAVlahos: DH was in a wedding wear the brides younger sister sang a song and it was very awkward :-/ Sorry that your fmil put you in this position! You definitely need to shut it down, like yesterday. I agree with pp, have her sing at the rehersal dinner.
Post # 14
Other people singing makes me so freaking uncomfortable, there is no way I would have that at my wedding. Maybe she could do it at the rehearsal dinner?
Post # 15
RavenAVlahos: Yep, have her sing elsewhere. We went to a wedding recently and a guy sang an Irish love song and it was so awful and hilarious. The bridesmaids were DYING at their table. So weird.