Is this inappropriate? NWR

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
6303 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

I totally agree with those saying that you need to be firm and clear, and not make excuses. I would not mention your husband’s health or lack of free time; I would simply say ‘Look, I know this is a bit delicate but I have to be honest with you here; my husband doesn’t really enjoy interacting with children and is uncomfortable being a role model for x.’ Simple and to the point, and doesn’t open the door for any ‘buts’ or ‘ifs’ or ‘maybes’.

She will probably be upset, possibly even angry, but that is really not your issue. The child is her responsibility, not yours; it is inappropriate and unfair for her to try to latch onto your husband and force him into being a babysitter/role model.

This is one reason why my OH and I are very clear on how we feel about children (we are CBC and don’t like children very much) and wouldn’t allow them in our own, as we don’t want people to view us as potential free babysitters/role-models for their children.

Post # 32
238 posts
Helper bee

beepbeepitspatty:  Given your husnands medical conditon , I tend to  agree  with the PP’s who  say yu wil have to talk to her about it and say no.   Personally , I would make this my number one reason why not and tell her so.  

Post # 33
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Rocky Mountains-May 2017

mseagles:  I think with the fact that he’s doing therapy for his issues to begin with is a big deal. They need to make sure he’s fine and has found a way to cope with his problem before he does anything like that. If he still has issues, then he’ll end up latching onto your husband as an escape or cure for his problems. This is a big no to me 

Post # 34
151 posts
Blushing bee

mseagles:  To be honest this seems a little bit creepy to me, and my first thought would be that this woman is using her son to try and get closer to your Darling Husband because she has an inappropriate interest in him herself. I would be very concerned, and would address this issue with her right away. I had to deal with a similar situation where my Fiance was concerned, and it almost got to the point of getting a bit ugly before the woman finally stopped. It was a long-time acquaintance of his sister’s who was raising her grandson after becoming a grandmother in her late 30s when her 13 year-old got pregnant then later ran away and left the baby for her to raise. This woman had been obsessed with my Fiance from the day he moved to town after his divorce and had unsuccessfully and shamelessly chased after him for several years before realizing she could use her grandson and his need for a “good, solid father figure” to try and lure him in. She would ask him to keep the boy at his house overnight sometimes when she was working 3rd shift, and my Fiance being the good man he is and loving children so much plus feeling sorry for the boy would agree. She then started trying to come onto him and a couple of times actually tried to get him into bed when she would come and pick the boy up in the mornings, and he ended up throwing her out of the house and telling her to leave him alone from now on. This was right around the time I was starting to become a part of FI’s life as more than a friend, and this woman tried to make both of us miserable because of her obsession with him, and after I moved in with him we finally had to threaten legal action against her for stalking and harassment before she finally realized this man wanted NOTHING to do with her. Please be careful with this “friend” of yours…she may be trying to work her way into your husband’s life for her own devious reasons.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by  kittychik.
Post # 35
688 posts
Busy bee

I agree with everyone else, you should definitely put a stop to it now before the boy gets too attached.

With your husbands health issues he shouldn’t have the added responsibility of being a father figure to this child.

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