(Closed) Is this just an innocent crush or something I should be concerned about?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@EmilyInIdaho:  Yeah… you need to talk to him. Instead of asking “do you havea  crush on her” instead asking about his feelings, and communicating yours might be better. He will havea  harder time avoiding things.

 

It deifnitely sounds like he has a crush. The thing for you two to do now is figure out how each of you should proceed from here. Obviously, if he wants to continue his relation ship with you, he’s going to need to make some changes.

Post # 18
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Seriously ask him how he feels about her and tell how uncomfortable he is making you. His behavior is really inapropriate.

Post # 19
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Have you talked to him about what you see him do? Maybe he doesn’t realize how obvious and inappropriate he’s being?

I would be super pissed if I were you, btw. But please don’t involve Kacey. This is between you and your guy. 

Post # 20
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Boy, I think he’s reeeeally out of line, even if he doesn’t realize it. You need to address it ASAP before it festers further…  and get that damn hoody back! It sounds like he’s embarrassing both of you with his little crush, and even if it’s a platonic crush (like “wow, that girl is so cool, I want her to be my new best friend”), he needs to stop falling all over himself to get closer to her. 

(Of course this is only my stance under the assumption that his actions are as blatantly obvious as you make them sound. Be honest with yourself – if you’re nitpicking and exaggerating, maybe the responses would be different.)

Post # 21
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6574 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@alyssaC:  I agree 100%.

Post # 22
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2868 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@EmilyInIdaho:  It would not necessarily be controlling but you don’t want him regarding it as a forbidden pleasure either

Post # 23
Member
5950 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@EmilyInIdaho:  ….ummmm….I think he might have a little school yard crush going on here…and if he’s a good guy and loves you a lot, what will happen is this…Kacey is going to keep coming around, and sooner or later, she’s going to do or say something that literally makes his head spin around and his skin crawl and this little pink cloud of Kacey Fog, that makes him run for his hoodie and want to play ping pong with her, will disappear.

I’ve been married a while, and I love Mr. 99 more than anything but I’m sure as hell not dead and I’m certainly not locked in a box somewhere, in our travels we meet people, people he or I click with, connect with and enjoy, and these little infatuations are just part of the deal, but you know, deep down inside that no one gets you like your fella or girl does…and that as dashing or attractive as this other person seems, he or she will pull a stunt or say something so awful you actually want to throw up and hit yourself in the face for missing their jerkiness for so long….its fine.

The point is, if he’s going to stray, then he’s a jerk and you’d be better off without him, but staying or straying is a decision HE has to make and there’s not a lot you can do about that either way….honestly, it’ll burn itself out soon enough and you’ll have him all to yourself again…it happens to the best of us, don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll figure out what’s what.

Post # 24
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@EmilyInIdaho:  I don’t think you’re unreasonable OR blowing things out of proportion. I would be nearing nuclear-level rage if my Fiance behaved this way.

That said, what’s important here is that his behavior is making you uncomfortable and unhappy, and you need to communicat this to him. Once he knows how you feel, it should not MATTER if he agrees his behavior is inappropriate. Know why? Because his priority should be on making sure you feel comfortable and happy. If he values your feelings over his friendship with this girl, he will scale back on his interactions with her.

Now, if he doesn’t value your feelings over his friendship with her…then yeah, THAT’S when you’ll know that you’ve got trouble brewing — trouble that has nothing to do with this girl, really, and everything to do with the kind of partner your SO has shown himself to be.

Have a blunt, non-accusatory, honest talk with him, keeping in mind that the problem is not this girl, but his behavior and how it is making you feel. Is he willing to change his behavior to make you more comfortable? I hope the answer is yes.

Post # 25
Member
1291 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@EmilyInIdaho:  Please have a serious heart-to-heart talk with your fiance about this. The sooner, the better.

Post # 26
Member
4654 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’d be insane with jealousy and rage. I’ve said before… for me emotional jealousy replaces sexual jealousy in a really weird way. Imagine how most girls would feel if their man got serviced in a champagne room by a stripper… I could handle that, but the feelings that would normally be there would get activated by a situations like yours, OP. So if anything I feel like you’re being very calm!!

I don’t know what to do though. I’d probably try to become closer friends with Kasey first because that’s always my first instinct when I think I have competition for some reason. I guess I’d have to tell my guy “listen, I wanna know if you have a thing for her. Please don’t lie or cover anything up, I’d rather hear a bad truth than a good lie.” And I’d probe until I got to why he was acting this way. 

If he really did have a thing for her, like a serious infatuation that couldn’t just disappear by voluntarily distancing himself, we’d be done. I can’t handle even a strong infautation with someone else. I could even get past a one night stand without too much drama, but true romantic feelings for someone else who is accessible, even if they’ve never so much as kissed (yet)… no, I just can’t. 

Post # 27
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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@Bebealways:  lol, I feel this excat same way! SO kissing or messing around with someone else? No biggie, I’d be pissed, but whatever. But her being emotionally attracted to someone else… effing rage! I would probably punch her in the throat. Lmao, I have dreams where she picks someone else over me in social situations or refuses to talk to me because she’s moving on or something and I wake up soo upset. 

 

OP I feel for you. I would have probably showed my ass 10 times over by now. 

Post # 28
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@EmilyInIdaho:  “Would it be considered controlling if I asked him to keep their texting and facebook messaging to a minimum?”

Whoah, this makes it way worse! The other things he is doing in front of you, but he’s also texting her privately? Why does he need to text her at all?

I would tell him that if he respects our relationship he needs to not text or message her AT ALL. I think he is actively “chasing” and trying to impress her;  and you need to make it clear that it is disrespectful to your relationship, and needs to stop.

I agree with everyone else, that there is no point talking to Kasey.

Post # 29
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

You’re right, don’t bring your concerns with this Kasey girl, but this does need to nipped in the bud. Aside from the macho bravado he’s trying to showcase in front of this girl, texting is going way over the line.

You’re much stronger than me, I would have blown a fuse if my guy started showing interest in another girl.  You’re his fiancee not a random stranger off of the street, the fact that this bothers you should be addressed and discussed, he may get defensive but stand firm.

Post # 30
Member
3370 posts
Sugar bee

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@OUgal0004:  +1

 

What she said.

Post # 31
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

He may have a crush or is totally cheating with her behind your back! I know that sounds crazy to assume but trust me guys hide shit so well. I had a best friend that looked like my twin, seriously everyone thought we were sisters and my bf had a serious crush on her. I would (often) find texts between them on his phone calling each other “best friend” like wtf she was MY best friend. Lol and he woukd always text her first. it was not cool with me and seriously pissed me off and i let him know. I didn’t mention anything to her though but did distance our friendship bc of it. Which shouldn’t of happened over a man but I couldn’t believe they were flirting behind my back.

Why on earth would he ask her to be his pong partner when you were RIGHT there?? Your other friends didnt find that strange? andthe hoodie thing is seriously messed up! I would be livid. Def not cool you need to confront him about this & let him know it’s not appropriate and makes you uncomfortable. 

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