(Closed) Is this just down right mean?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I do think you need to invite him.  I’m sure you guys had good moments and you may feel right now like he was “forced” to spend time with you by your mother in light of his recent behavior. 

 

As for giving you away?  That’s your personal choice.  You have a while to go and time to think about it. 

Post # 4
Member
674 posts
Busy bee

It’s up to you whether you want to invite him. If you two aren’t close, it may not be a big deal. If you two do have some type of relationship now (even if it’s not super close), then know that it may put a nail in that coffin.

If you invite him, you do not have to ask him to walk you down the aisle. You need to be prepared if he asks about it, but it’s perfectly reasonable to say that you’ve already made arrangments with your grandfather.

Personally, I fall into the camp that would invite a close family member even if I don’t particularly like them. I plan to do it. I realize my sister will likely say no (or ignore the invitation all together), and that’s cool. Even if she does show, I don’t really care. I just realize that the drama it will create when she realizes she’s the only one not invited is more than I want to deal with or to put the family I do like through.

Post # 5
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

OP, I noticed another thread that you convinced your father to pay for your pictures. I’m not really sure that I understand. You want him to pay for parts of your wedding but don’t really want to invite him?

I think you should invite him.

Post # 6
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Invite him. But that doesn’t mean that you have to give him a +1 for his new girl! I also say that your grandpa should give you away, as you’ve always planned. Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

@Ms. Martian:  ditto- you can’t ask him for money and not invite him.

I know you’re not going to like this, but he’s going to want/expect to bring his wife. 

Post # 9
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I say invite him and his wife, someone has to extend an olive branch and you get to be the better person. And I think if you would like your grandfather to walk you down the aisle then go for it!

Post # 10
Member
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think you should invite him. It sounds like you keep in enough contact with him that it may just ruin things if you don’t.

But as for who gives you away –  I definitely think your grandpa should.  It should be someone you see as a father figure, even if it’s not your father. You father shouldn’t get that privelege just because of a technicality.

Post # 11
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m sorry he’s like this. 🙁 

Whatever decision you make, don’t do it with the expectation that his behavior will change. Make the choice based on what YOUR priority is. Whether your first priority is avoiding regret for not inviting him in the future or reducing any pain it might cause you to see him at the wedding.

But if you invite him in the hopes that he’ll start acting right, you’re only setting yourself up for more disappointment and resentment.

Post # 12
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@mightywombat:  This.

 

Invite him to the ceremony at least. You don’t necessarily have to invite him to the reception. 

Or just invite him to everything without expectations that he will or will not attend. I’m sorry you have to go through this.

Post # 13
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

…. asks me for money all the time, tells me I am not going to graduate, tells me he is going to take my social and open credit cards since he already ruined his own credit and my moms.  Has stolen money from me in the passed, told mom it would get better when he got rid of me.

im in the why the heck would you want to invite him group – the man sounds toxic and should not be involved in your life

Post # 14
Member
8364 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I guess I will be the first to say it then- yes he does not owe you any of those things! And I really think it is manipulative to ask him to pay for parts of your wedding but then not invite him.

Do I think your father is a good person- hell no but no ones perfect and you know from your past together what his behaviour is like.

The choice is ultimately up to you but if you choose not to invite him be prepared that your relationship will probably end and never recover. I would invite him and his new wife to the wedding and pop them ona table with any other family from his side that you are inviting.

And yes you should choose who you like to walk you down the aisle.

Post # 16
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@futuretrent:  that is just down right rude for him to refuse to pay for colllege.  I do believe he should foot the bill for some of the wedding.  I convinced mine to pay for pictures finally.”

 

No this was you; you can’t have him pay for parts of the wedding then not invite him. He will show up with his new wife and expect some type of involvement.

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