- 3 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015
I don’t even know where to begin, I just need someone to talk to that’s not my pets.
I’ve been married almost 3 years now, and to be quite honest, I regret it nearly everyday. Long story short, my husband and I have been together nearly 9 years, and up until we got married, things were pretty good. Then we got married, and everything went to shit to put it lightly. He started a new job in retail that was supposed to be temporary until he found something in his professional field (worst decision), working with girls who were teenagers and early 20s (he’s late 20s now). 3 years later, he still works there.
2016 nearly killed me. He started partying every weekend with them, leaving me at home in literal silence. He started doing drugs as well (which when we met, he knew was my dealbreaker because a friend’s family member was killed because of someone who got behind the wheel high).
He then confessed around my birthday he developed feelings for this girl (6 years younger than him). I found out right before Christmas that his best friend told him to cheat on me to see if he wanted to be with me still. Christmas Day I found out he went over to her house after work one day and “hung out” with her alone, smoking and drinking. He said they didn’t do anything else. New Year’s Day 2017 he told me he wasn’t sure if he loved me anymore. Somehow, we decided to work through it, and 2017 seemed better. This girl left town, moved halfway across the country, and they barely spoke much. Things were looking up. I went back to school finally to pursue my dream, and the latter half of 2017 was going a bit better. He started hating his job, and wanted to find something a bit better. We talked about buying a house finally! Then 2018 happened.
Family began to have major health issues, AND the same day, this girl came back. And not only back in town, but back to his store as his supervisor now. He said his feelings were 100% gone, and she was just his “best friend.” That he never had someone like that before he could talk to. He told me he would transfer stores if it bothered me that much. I told him it did. She also has a history of sleeping around with guys and cheating on people. Basically, not someone I want to be around. She’s nearly 8 years younger then me, and in her party phase. She drinks and does drugs every morning (yes..starts her morning like that).
A week later, he said he wasn’t transferring stores anymore, that he liked it much better now and wanted to stay (because of her of course). He insisted on no feelings there. A week later, he went out with “his gang” (as he so puts it) without me. His best male friend and her hooked up. He got very angry, and his friend lied about hooking up with her, saying he didn’t think my husband would like it (I wonder why?).
We haven’t been able to see much of each other lately, because he is in a band and goes to band practice all the time. Sundays used to be our day, now it’s band practice. So we agreed Saturday night to have a date night. He tells me tonight he made plans with “the gang” to go drinking Saturday. I ask who that consists of, and so far it’s JUST her.
Bees, sorry for the long winding post. Am I just that unloveable? Because right now I feel dead inside. I don’t know what to do. I have no close friends or family that I can talk to about this. My best friend of 15 years left me a few years ago suddenly after I got married, and since then, I’ve had an extremely hard time trusting anyone, especially my own husband. Someone who used to be my rock is now a shadow of his former self.
I don’t know what to do. I’ll be 30 this year, it’s too late for me to start over, and to be honest, I don’t want to. Anyone ever been in this situation where you feel like you’re drowning? I’ve already seen a therapist in 2017, but they only cover 3 visits free (no insurance), and I can’t afford anything else on my own.
Is this something all guys in their 20s go through?! There’s days when he says he wants to look at houses, he’s over drinking and partying, and he loves me and wants to make this right and work, and other days when he says essentially I’m a burden. I don’t get it.