(Closed) Is this marriage?

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
1422 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

You’re not unloveable. He is being a selfish and crap partner. 

This would not be a relationship I could continue in. He doesn’t respect you or your feelings. 

I would leave because I wouldn’t be able to forgive and forget. 30 is not too late. I know it feels like that but You have years of happiness ahead of you, I just don’t think with your husband. 

I’m sorry, OP. 

Post # 3
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee

You’re not unloveable. Your husband is a manchild who isn’t putting any work into your marriage. 

You are doing all the lifting by yourself. No wonder your relationship is collapsing.

Buying a house together is not going to improve your relationship. Please don’t do that.

 

Thirty is not “too old” or “too late”. Starting over really sucks, but I bet after 3 months of being single, without carrying his dead weight, you would begin to feel alive again. Will you feel lonely? Sometimes. But aren’t you lonely now? Being alone would be better than being his lonely wife, stuck at home alone while your husband goes out constantly and parties with young girls he wants to have sex with.

 

PS: a baby isn’t going to fix this mess either. Please don’t have one of those with this teenager masquerading as a man.

Post # 4
Member
9258 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
Scorpio88 :  “Is this something all guys in their 20s go through?!” — No. Not at all. He’s a terrible husband. It’s not too late to start over. Have you heard the phrase “cut bait”? It comes from fishing, and it means at some point you need to realize that the fish you hooked isn’t going to end up in your boat. You can keep struggling trying to get it where you want it to be, and all you’re going to end up with is a half-eaten half-rotton worm and no fish. Or you can cut the bait loose and let that stinking fish have that stinking worm because they deserve each other. 

It sucks that he didn’t show this side until after the wedding (or possibly you didn’t see it) but that doesn’t mean you have to live the next 50 years like this, or however long before he leaves you for someone else. Cut bait and give yourself a chance to find happiness. Even if it takes a while, isn’t it better to be lonely because you’re alone, rather than be lonely because your HUSBAND is out with another woman that he already told you he had feelings for? 

Post # 5
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

30 is not late!!! 

I got married at 24, divorced at 27. Got married again last year at 31

you don’t have to live like this, you don’t deserve it, no one does…

 

Post # 6
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

You are NOT too late to start over. He has no respect for you or your union. I would try to find a way out. This is not what marriage is supposed to be. You are not the problem HE IS. 

Post # 7
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

If you want him and his baggage that came with age. then by all means stay there but if u love yourself please leave.

Post # 8
Member
3672 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I got divorced at 32, and tbh my marriage was WAY better than this. Now I’m 35 and a million times happier with an amazing guy. Why stick around with this manchild who is treating you like dirt and doesn’t sound like he brings anything good to your marriage. You deserve way better. 

Post # 9
Member
10986 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
Scorpio88 :  

Thirty is too late to start over?  Where in gawd’s name did you get that?  I was waaayyy past 30 when I met Dh.

Bee, you do not have a marriage.  You have a dumpster fire.  Ending it is your only reasonable option.  There is nothing, absolutely nothing to salvage.

I am sorry, Bee.  And I’m sorry you feel so alone right now.  Being married to an arsehole sucks up so much emotional energy that there isn’t much left for reaching out to others.

Post # 10
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Aspen, CO

Oh Bee, I’m so sorry your going through this with your husband. In short, this absolutely not a healthy marriage and certainly doesn’t make you unlovable. 

As finances are an issue for therapy, find a community mental health center or if your school has a counseling center (these are free/low cost/sliding scale) then demand your husband go to therapy with you. I’m not sure if the relationship can be saved of if that’s what either of you want but I think if you’re going to try, you’ll need a 3rd party to act as a guide.  

I think it’s time to tell him if he doesn’t change and commit to the relationship, it’s over. A house will only complicate things if you don’t end up together. Life is too short to feel unhappy and unsupported by your husband. 

Post # 11
Member
609 posts
Busy bee

God no that is not something guys of any age “go through.” Cheating on you, drinking with young girls, doing drugs, that’s not just part of some phase. I’d have left after your first few sentences honestly. He is not treating you right at all! Please don’t stand for being treated like this. And 30 is so not too late, I didn’t even meet my FH until I was almost 35. Many of my friends are getting married in their mid to late 30s. Even if you were 50, it’s never too late to find your self respect and not be used like that. 

Post # 12
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Aspen, CO

And, for what it’s worth, when I was 33 my boyfriend of 6 years came home told me he no longer loved me and left. I was blindsided, heartbroken and couldn’t believe I had to start over at 33. I thought I’d never find anyone else and thought my age would be a huge factor. Looking back that was so silly of me. As the universe would have it, when I was actively not trying to find someone, I met a wonderful man (this was 3 months after my breakup!) We’ve been married for 4 years now and are expecting our first baby in June. You never know who is waiting around the corner for you…

Post # 13
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

He is an emotional cheater and I suspect he physically cheated too. The moment he started partying I would have given him one chance and then dumped him. Two words: LEAVE HIM. You deserve someone who is faithful and loving, not this crap from an immature and disrespectful “husband”

Post # 14
Member
3228 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I divorced at 28… and was remarried at 33. After my divorce I got my self-esteem back.  

Post # 15
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

No, this is not normal! Your husband is a shitty husband, it has nothing to do with you being unlovable. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

I got divorced at 30 and felt free! A year later I met my husband. I’m now 34 and we’re expecting our first child together.

30 is not too late to start over – you don’t deserve to spend another minute unhappy because of a jerk who doesn’t appreciate you. 

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