(Closed) Is this mean… (or wrong?)

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
909 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t know that there’s an appropriate way to demand, but you can clearly give them a date to let you know by, and spread the word throughout the family that it’s a firm deadline.

If a few people haven’t let you know by then, call them directly and say you need to know for your caterer.

Post # 4
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

The only polite manner in which to do this is to put an RSVP date on your response cards that provides you with ample time to contact those who do not reply by the date so that you can obtain an accurate count for your caterer.  For example, I set my RSVP date so that it was two weeks in advance of when I needed to let the caterer know my final headcount.  A response is not due until it is due, so you cannot consider a response to be late until after the reply date has passed. If you want to know sooner, you need to establish an earlier respond-by date.

Post # 5
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

If you know the specific individuals who were stringing her along, I would consider putting a small note in their envelopes, but I wouldn’t put it in everyone’s.  I think that may rub some people the wrong way if they are actual respectful of RSVP dates normally.  Would just a few notes be an option?

Post # 6
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yeah I don’t th ikn that’s appropriate. If you do not hear back from people by the RSVP deadline you need to call each and every person to find out if they are a yes or a no.

Post # 7
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This is very impolite. Contact each guest at least once after the RSVP date has passsed. It’s fine then to say that if you don’t get a response by X date that you’ll mark them down as a no. But to do so preemptively would be rude.

Post # 8
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Give them a date but don’t put anythign rude on the invite. KNOWING what to expect is your best defense but being rude about it before it happens isn’t justifable.

Post # 9
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would put a reply by date, definitely.  I wouldn’t slip a note in, but I would definitely have a chat with those tardy family members reminding them the importance of RSVP-ing on time and that you would greatly appreciate it.  

Post # 10
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

I think that is very rude.  It’s normal (if impolite) for people to not RSVP in a timely manor, just call them and tell them that you need a FIRM yes or no by whatever date, and then if you don’t have an answer by then, call again and say that you have to assume they are a “no” unless they can tell you yes right then. 

It’s frustrating, but if you’re that concerned about it, just don’t invite them in the first place, it’s not ok to retract the invite after the fact. 

Post # 12
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Can’t do it…if your family members are non-RSVPing cretons…then I guess they’ll learn their lesson when they get turned away at the door….no other way doll, sorry!

Post # 14
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Sweetie, please don’t do this.  Do not be the rude one.  If they do not rsvp, get on the phone and give them a call.  We all know it is a hassel, but that is the ONLY appropriate way to handle this honestly.  Some people really do just forget or lose the invite, or who knows what.  You want to limit hurting and offending, even though people really should JUST RSVP, inevitably some won’t for a variety of reasons.

Post # 15
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@hiroshymatetrastar:  That sucks, but in all honesty, putting some threatening clause on your RSVP is a totally bizarre concept….if these people can’t abide by the simplest terms of etiquette, what makes you think they’re going to notice some invitation expiration?  If it were me, I would tell the caterer the number of my RSVP’s plus the number of relatives that strung your sister along and showed up anyway…if you really want to be on the safe side…otherwise hiring someone to stand at the entrance and check people off a list just can’t be that expensive….check security for hire or if you know any bouncers, most of them moonlight for next to nothing as long as you feed them!

Post # 16
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m very impatient when it comes down to planning any type of event, let alone my wedding. I understand you on this one. As much as we would want everything to go smoothly, we know it never does, haha. Although I think its rude of our potential guest not to reply to our RSVP invites, attending or not; I think the best polite way to handle that situation is wait until the due date or the day after, then call the people who didn’t respond and get your answer from them then. I wouldn’t give them anymore time after that. I’m sure invites go out way inadvanced. They have plenty of time. 

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