(Closed) Is this normal?

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I had similar questions not too long ago…

I learned that it is tradition to invite every female that is on your wedding guest list but that doesn’t include the female guest of a man known to you.

For example, if you’re friends with "Bob" and you invited him plus his girlfriend whom you don’t really know, it’s OK that you don’t invite the girlfriend to the shower.

I was concerned about my bridal shower guest list too. My mom wants it big and my Maid/Matron of Honor wants to just invite a few. I like the idea of inviting all females known to me from my wedding guest list.

And it’s OK to be shy. Remember, they’re there to celebrate you, so just remember to smile and say "thank you"! Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Actually, I’ve heard that every woman invited to the wedding should get invited to a shower too. Your bachelorette would be more of the grown up sleepover kind of thing. I had 65 invites sent for my shower (sent to all of the "primary invitees" who were women), but am expecting only about 25 people to actually show up.

Post # 5
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Traditionally, a shower is just for very close friends and family, but I’ve been to some really large showers too. Any impropriety regarding the guest list is a reflection on the host of the shower, not on you, so I would just sit back and enjoy the shower!

Post # 7
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I agree wtih the etiquette statements above.  However, I’ve never heard of putting an open invite to a shower in a church bulletin.  That does seem like soliciting gifts to me!  I also agree that it reflects mostly on your MOH- unless people in the church don’t realize it was her (and not you) who posted the notice.

I think you need to tell your Maid/Matron of Honor how grateful you are for her hard work, but explain to her the rules of etiquette and see if she can do some damage control regarding the church bulletin.

Post # 8
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Wait, people were invited to the shower who weren’t on the guest list for the wedding? Oh, I misunderstood…

That’s not really normal at all, but like snmcdowell said, there’s nothing that you can really do about it, because you’re not planning the shower. That still doesn’t take away the awkwardness though. I guess because the invites have already gone out, I would just take the opportunity to get to know everyone at the shower so that you can write something a little more meaningful in the thank you notes.

Post # 10
Member
11 posts
Newbee

I once went to a shower for my friend where all the females from the church that they were getting married at (also her FI’s home church) were invited to the shower.  Apparently, it was the normal thing to do there.  Wedding-wise, anyone could come to the ceremony, but only certain people were invited to the reception and on the "guest list."  I’d never heard of this before, but this was how it was done in their community.  Maybe this is how it works at your FI’s church too and that’s why your Future Sister-In-Law posted in the bulletins?

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