(Closed) Is this normal?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Is this normal?
    No it isn't, I would be upset too! : (38 votes)
    58 %
    Yes, you should get over it. : (19 votes)
    29 %
    Yes, but I think it's weird and I would be upset too. : (5 votes)
    8 %
    No it isn't, but I don't see what the big deal is. : (3 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    5662 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I voted yes but I would be upset, mostly because I’m not sure how to answer. In a way I know we all grow up and move on in our lives and we end up taking a lot of our stuff with us. I guess I just don’ tknow where that line is drawn. I don’t think my mom would give me back things I gifted her, my hand made cards, things like that. But the baby book, my baby things etc… I mean.. I guess I’m on the fence. Eventually you will want that stuff and you WILL take it. Either way if you are hurt why don’t you ask her about it. Maybe to her you are at that age where you should take all the little things, there IS a point where you get your stuff and you’re like “oh i made this for my mom when I was a little girl”. Maybe in her mind the time is now. I would just tell her you were kind of put off by it and aren’t sure what to think?

    Post # 5
    Member
    633 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I don’t see a a problem with her giving you your baby books and nursery stuff…my grandmother gave me all my childhood stuff when she finally moved out of the house we grew up in (she helped my dad raise us…mom wasn’t around). It’s stuff that you can keep and have as memories, too.

    I understand you being upset about the gifts you gave her, though.

    I have a friend who has just started living a minimalist lifestyle, and she recently blogged about holding onto things just b/c they have sentimental value, and how she evaluates things on whether to keep them around or not. If these are things that are just in storage in your mom’s house, that she never looks at, why should she keep them? Especially since she is combining households…I know it hurts, but I get it. My daughter is 2, and I was holding onto a lot of her infant stuff, until one day I realized that it was just taking up space, and I didn’t need the stuff to keep the memories. 

    Maybe you can now show your dad what she gives you and give him the option of keeping some of it…seeing as how he hasn’t seen it in quite a while, he will enjoy the trip down memory lane!

    Post # 7
    Member
    709 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    My mom still uses this clay holder thing I made her in the 6th grade in her desk. She still puts a candle in and displays a tea pot candle holder I made her the same year. I’m 23. I would never expect them back until she passed. I hold on to all the things my children have made me.

    Post # 8
    Member
    4275 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @batwoman:  I actually would consider this to be very hurtful and as a mother myself this is not something I would ever do. I am very sentimental when it comes to anything regarding my daughter. Her baby book, pictures, footprint in clay, any gifts she gave me, stuff like that. I will keep those things always. Toys and blankets….eh if she wants them for her future children she can have those.  I would have no use for them and yes they would be considered “clutter”. Everything else though, is mine 🙂

    I do not have a close relationship with my mother either, but even she clings to those memories pretty tightly.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5221 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I think it just depends on the individual person. My grandmother is big about ” regifting” sentimental things because she wants to keep them in the family, and in tact. She gave me three framed pictures that I painted her when I was very young as a Christmas present this year. Her reasoning? It’s for the nursery, and I am not even pregnant OR am I TTC… nor do I have a nursery! lol

    I wouldn’t take it as slight against you, everyone feels differently about memorabilia and it doesn’t really have any bearing on how she truly feels about you as a daughter or the role she thinks you play in her life.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1849 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I think this could be easily explained by different people’s sentimental habits (or lack thereof) and by her not wanting to clutter her partner’s house to make her move in less imposing. I wouldn’t take it personally, since that would probably do additional damage to your relationship. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    9648 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    It is completely normal, except for the gifts you gave her, I would be upset about that. But the rest there is nothing wrong with. I already have a box under my bed of childhood stuff, and have since I was 16.

    Post # 12
    Member
    960 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @batwoman:  

    @JFay:  

    I agree to give it to your dad if he wants it.

    I voted that its not normal but I don’t see the big deal because I’m a very “Anti Clutter” person and my mother often believes I am not sentimental at all. Its considered an abnormal attitude but really I don’t need an old plate, or book or stuffed animal to remind me of the person.

    If you’re concerned about clutter but want her to remember more take a picture of the things she gives you and put it into an album and then she can have the memories without the clutter and maybe that can help bridge the gap instead of you saying that you’re upset tell her you understand her need to have a clean and clutterfree start but you wanted to do this for her to keep the memories.

    Maybe that will help you both, maybe she just truly doesn’t know its that important to you?

    Post # 13
    Member
    1399 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Oh my god. I’m 27 and my mom still has all my baby books, photo albums, a BOX full of gifts/cards/artwork I made… 

    I can understand not wanting EVERY SINGLE CARD, but there has to be some stuff she wants to keep :- Sorry she’s doing this.

    Post # 14
    Member
    7219 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I can totally see why you’re hurt… but it is normal. My dad has been slowly giving my sister & I are stuff back (mom died a few years ago) because he’s eventually going to move to a smaller place now that we’re out of the house. If your mom is combining “stuff” with her new partner, she doesn’t have room for all of it. 

    Eventually, when she’s passed on, you’re going to end up with all that stuff anyway. May as well go through it now and decide what’s important to you… and give your dad some!

    Post # 16
    Member
    484 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @batwoman:  I can understand why you’re upset.  I don’t think this is normal…. but maybe she IS keeping some stuff and you just don’t realize it?  Otherwise I don’t know why she’d get rid of the photos/baby books.  I guess at least she is giving them to you instead of trashing them…. but yes, I would find it hurtful too.

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