Is this normal behavior?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
1593 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

 

DrAtkins :  we gave $500 to my fsil doubt we’ll get even close to that for ours. 

Post # 18
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018- Stan Hywet Gardens

If you don’t want a shower, say no as you are not obligated to have any pre-wedding events. I’m sure it’s easier said than done but think about future events (think about the mess if you want to decide to have kids) and if you nip this behavior in the bud now, you may have less problem in the future. 

Post # 19
Hostess
9679 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

avprobeauty :  Sorry to hear, that must majorly suck. Do you happen to be Japanese? I would think your parents would be appalled, and that would set the tone in terms of future gift giving.

Post # 21
Member
6827 posts
Busy Beekeeper

If you don’t want a shower, don’t accept a shower. I find it so odd when parents are so pushy about this kind of stuff. She can be sad about it, but she can’t force you to attend (a shower or a second reception). 

Post # 22
Hostess
9679 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

alfalfasprout10518 :  Sorry I was replying to the other poster. I figured you’re American 🙂 

Post # 24
Member
1593 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

DrAtkins :  no but starting to wish I was…haha!

Post # 26
Member
639 posts
Busy bee

I haven’t read all the comments but I noticed you said narc. I know way too much about narcs as my ex is a sociopath. And every sociopath is a narcissist. Nothing they do is normal and they love everything to be about them as much as they love to play the victim. The only healthy way to deal with a narc is cutting them off, or if that’s not an option then you only do bare minimum contact. There’s something called the grey rock method if you’re interested in that. And I feel the exact same about showers as you, exactly. Don’t like being center of attention, don’t need gifts, and don’t like showers in general even as a guest! 

Post # 29
Member
8449 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

duchessgummybunns :  

Good God ! ” I need to let [your uncle and his wife] know what to get you for your wedding, so give some thought to that. And they need to get you something really expensive, because I got [your cousin] a $5,000 piece of artwork for HER wedding.”

And unless the recipient  pre-specified exactly what they wanted that $5000 thing could well be be  in the spare bedoom or back bathroom (or shed) to this day !

Post # 30
Member
7767 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

alfalfasprout10518 :  As pp have said it may well be a cultural thing. My in laws and also honestly my mom are like this (both from non-US cultures) because their cultures are big on reciprocal giving. They keep a record of how much they’ve spent on other friends/family wedding gifts and how much people spent on gifts for their children so they can be sure to “repay” the right amount in the future. It seems rather mercenary, but it’s a cultural thing.

That said, you’re under no obligation to participate in this ritual if you don’t want to. 

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