(Closed) Is this normal behavior?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Put this wedding on hold STAT! Things do not automatically get better after you are married. Tell him he needs to get some help before things move forward any more.

Post # 4
Member
8943 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
anonbeeee123:  I’m with you on argument 1, with him on argument 2 (there’s a reason it costs $200!! How pissed would you be at his groomsmen if they dropped it or it tilted or something? Not fair to put that pressure on people), and not enough info on argument 3.

But these are just 3 examples — it sounds like there are dozens. That’s a problem. Who’s right and who’s wrong for each individual argement isn’t really the issue. If he blows up and can’t communicate, and isn’t willing to work on that… Yeah, big problem.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by  Daisy_Mae.
Post # 5
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

He seems to lack effective communication skills. Has he always been temperamental like this? He needs to learn how to disagree in a respectful way. Is the wedding stressing him out? I would sit down and have a talk with him,but start by saying that the discussion is over if he yells. Try to figure out what’s going on and see if he can help you understand why he’s blowing up. If things don’t improve at all, you just may want to postpone mailing those invites. 

Post # 7
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

You should NOT be planning a wedding to or marrying a man who you cannot communicate with. I mean, your couple’s counsellor literally told you he has a ton of stuff to work through before your relationship can work and you are still planning to marry him? Seriously, no. That’s a terrible idea. Look at the kinds of fights you are having now BEFORE you are legally bound together for life. Marriage will only exacerbate the gaping holes in your foundation. Please, please, please put any wedding plans on hold before you put any more money down and work on getting your relationship to a good, healthy place (if that’s possible) first.

Also did he start seeing that personal counsellor?

Post # 8
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I didn’t even read through the whole post. If you have to ask if it’s normal behavior, i think you know the answer. I agree with PP, you need to put the wedding on hold to figure this out

Post # 9
Member
8943 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
anonbeeee123:  Ohhhh, ok. Yeah then, I’m with you after all. Mere mortals can certainly pick up 4 8″ cakes! Like you said though, and every seems to agree with, these specific examples are not the issue — he needs to learn to communicate. I would not marry someone who blew up over everything. That’s no way to live life (for you OR him)

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by  Daisy_Mae. Reason: added a "not"
Post # 10
Member
1496 posts
Bumble bee

Did you move in after getting engaged? To me, it almost sounds like the stress is getting to him – which I think could be normal behaviour. It’s normal to get snappy when you feel like you’re under a lot of pressure and stress. 

If you moved in after getting engaged and were planning this wedding at the same time, it might seem like moving in was the cause, when it’s the actual planning that’s getting him irritated… Especially since you’ve never seen signs of this short temper in your relationship up until now.

If you moved in and didn’t have the stress of planning a wedding and he was acting like this on a daily basis anyway, that’s a different story. 

 

Post # 12
Member
11373 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

No, it’s not normal.  Does he become verbally abusuive when he blows?

It’s no coincidence it started after you moved in.  Now he feels that he “has” you & can be his true self.  Your counselor is right not to see you together, but to recommend individual therapy for him.

I would definitely postpone the wedding.

Post # 13
Member
7955 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

These seem like things to disagree over- not have huge blow ups about! Seems he is blowing things out of proportion. I would definitely postpone and get this sorted out before you proceed!

Post # 15
Member
4813 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
anonbeeee123:   Please postpone the wedding!!  Stress reveals character.   Please give yourself time to live together for a while and for you to decide if his behavior is acceptable for you and any future children.

And to answer your question, his behavior is not normal behavior.  

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