(Closed) Is this normal for a guy?

posted 9 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
2495 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Did he masturbate a lot before you got married?  Excessive masturbation can make it difficult for a guy to climax during actual sex.  How is he getting off if he doesn’t get off during sex?  Oral?  Handjobs?  Masturbating?  If he’s still masturbating a lot, that may be a part of it also.  I have heard of this happening before, but I don’t know what other advice to give you other than maybe seeing a doctor to see if there is a physical reason behind why he can’t climax during sex.

Post # 5
2495 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Maybe ask him to take a break for a day or two and see how it goes from there.  DH only does it when he’s away, but he always holds off for the day or two before we see each other and the sex is the best after he hasn’t gotten off in awhile. 

Post # 6
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

@Ka393:  First, congratulations on being eachother’s firsts.  That is pretty awesome!  Not to be overly personal, but does your hubby use his fingers to pleasure you?  When he’s doing that, have him use plenty of lubrication (KY) and gradually add one, two, three fingers.  That should probably loosen you up enough for him to enter you.  Unfortunately, it may be a bit uncomfortable at first, but it’ll get easier in time (and practice).  My only other suggestion to help you relax and loosen up might be to bathe first.  I usually feel much more calm afterwards and your girlie parts loosen up too.  Good Luck, dear!

Post # 7
43 posts
  • Wedding: April 2014

Hi! Its good to finaly find someone who seems to have a (slighty simmilar)situation to me.

I have been with my partner for three years. We were each others “first”. He has only Finnished during intercourse once. It was after he had been over seas and unable to have any alone time.

He doesn’t do any thing to excess by himself and never has. Hes not addicted to porn or physically damaged (acording to Drs and specialists). And its not for lack of trying. We have been living together for nearly a year now and he is now able to finish when I am with him easier, But It still takes 20-50 Minutes and sometimes it is hard to stay in the mood for that long. I have still not had the pleasure of being the one to make him reach orgasm.

It used to be a huge point of contention and a huge cause of pain to me. I was/ am still crushed that I cant provide for him the ultimate pleasure. I am slowly accepting that we may never have a “normal” sexual relationship where he can finnish inside me.


I also worry if it will be difficult when we start TTC. However we are making small steps, such as him having orgasms when i am near by. I hope you and your partner can keep working on this together and make progress like we have 🙂

If anyone else has been in this situation it would be great to get more info, Drs dont seen to be very helpful.

Sorry this is so long!!

Post # 8
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

His not finishing could be a few reasons.  Does he get sensitive?  Could he just be nervous?  Psyched out because he knows he hasn’t been able to finish, and is afraid it’ll happen again?  It could also just be because he hasn’t been able to make it go in all the way.  Not saying you haven’t communicated about it, I don’t know, but communication is key with issues like this. 

Post # 9
4 posts

As a guy, the first couple of months having intercourse I couldn’t make myself finish inside her. Then I took the condom off and it was 300% better, and unbelievably finished in a few minutes. Other things that I found helped was doing doggy style, as it feel like it’s going deeper and it feels great. I have been with my wife for over 5 years and I still come across not being able to finish a couple of times a months. What really helps is changing the scene a little, the environment. I find it kinky to open the curtains while doing it, pretending that people are watching us. Here is what I found helped:

– not using a condom

– open the curtains

– do it in a different room (sofa, floor)

– keep the lights on

– ‘hot’ sex is overrated, I like it in a cold room

– keep changing sex positions (you on top, him on top)

Post # 10
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Ka393: This was my Fiance. It took a while ( 4 months) but with NO masterbating AT ALL eventually he was able to get off vaginally. After that, no issues and a normal sex life.

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