(Closed) Is this offensive?

posted 9 years ago in Legal
  • poll: Is this offensive? Should they pay their bill?

    Yes it's offesnive

    No, it's just an accurate description like saying skinny girls

    Other (explained below)

    They have the right to refuse paying

    They DO NOT have the right to refuse paying

  • Post # 167
    554 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I never knew that restaurants did this and I find it crazy. As some other people have noted, no one wants to think that when they pay to have a meal prepared for them (and hopefully pleasantly served to them), they’re being judged for physical characteristics they can’t help, and not just in the sense that we all make passing judgments when we see people, but to the extent that their physical shortcomings are being used to help the restaurant organize its service!

    While we know waiters aren’t really happy to serve us, and would rather be pretty much anywhere else, customer service is a kind of pleasant delusion we all participate in. It sucks to think that in reality when you’re placing your order to the nice smiling man or woman, you’re being judged as fat, short, pizza face, huge tits, lady with mustache, or whatever else, but not only that – these descriptions are actually being used to help the restaurant run its operations! The salmon? Oh that goes to “chinless wonder” over there. Seriously?? If personal descriptions must be used, what’s wrong with “red shirt” or “blonde hair”? We all know the difference between offensive and neutral descriptions. We all know that “fat” and “red shirt” are not similarly neutral – not by a long, long shot.

    And if you’re in the habit of typing descriptors on customers’ orders, it is entirely foreseeable that those descriptors will occasionally show up on the printed check. You will not remember to delete them 100% of the time. So, yeah, it is totally the guy’s fault for putting it there in the first place, and the manager was a fool not to comp the meal and fall over himself apologizing.

    Post # 168
    3872 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @Hyperventilate:  My “aggression”?  Ha. 

    I am completely calm, just quite dismayed that there is a such an effort to justify this asshole waiter.  And, like I said, I do not appreciate patently false blanket statements about women.

    Post # 169
    2354 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I have to be honest, I laughed outloud a little when I read the title and then some of the descriptive text. These women have to understand that this “note” was only meant for the waiter’s eyes. Yes, it’s wrong. Yes, they should number their table instead of describing the people in them. Yes, those women have to pay the bill and no they shouldn’t overreact like this. 

    Worse things have happened at restaurants. I friggin’ took one sip of my drink and bust my lip open because the glass was chipped bad. The whole managerial staff came over and offered to let me get a lawyer, fill out a complaint, talk to the cops this and that. I was like…IT’S FINE! It’s just a little blood, I’ll get over it. And I did. After a few dabs of tp, it was back to the party. I did get free drinks for the rest of the night though, but never did I ask/assume that to happen. 

    Anyhow. Good laugh! Thanks for that. But I think those women are a little bit on the attention-craving side with bringing this to the news. 

    Post # 170
    878 posts
    Busy bee

    Oh for the love of god. 

    Fat is offensive. Period. It doesn’t matter if it’s “true” or not. When a server labels something using words like “fat” or “Monet” or “tiny” they know it is offensive because there are plenty of other words that they could use that are neutral.

    Stop trying to pretend that “fat” is neutral. 

    Post # 171
    7382 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    Yikes, this thread went downhill fast!

    @Eglantine:  I agree with that!  If someone really finds using offensive descriptors helps them, they should at least code them and not share that with anyone!  3 fat chicks could have been 3F and wouldn’t have caused a problem.  Dirty and silly mnemonics are often the most memorable.

    Post # 172
    7225 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @sarahbabs:  The waiter was an asshole, I wouldn’t deny that. But that doesn’t mean the offended people are entitled to absolutely anything.

    Being offended is a choice.

    Post # 174
    119 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @MrsWBS:  It’s one thing for a medical professional to label you obese. It’s another thing entirely for some holier-than-thou waiter to call people fat.

    Post # 175
    3015 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    @Hyperventilate:  I think they are certainly entitled to enjoy a meal in a restaurant establishment without being called names by the employees on thier tab.

    This is made all the more mortifying for them because they were there eating & probably having a good time, come to find out they were being judged and disrepected by the people serving them. It’s hurtful.

    Post # 176
    5521 posts
    Bee Keeper

    If I was the restaurant manager I would have apologised profusely and not made them pay.

    Sorry, but 50% off doesn’t cut it IMO. Hugely offensive and insulting not to mention unnecessary and unprofessional. Simply no need, at all.

    Post # 177
    149 posts
    Blushing bee

    okay so why is fat offensive and skinny isnt?  both comment on someone’s physical appearence?  He may not have even meant it with a negeative connotation, it was a physical characteristic that stood out and was easy to label by, same as “table of blondes”,  etc…  

    This is going to sound really bad and I’m sorry in advance but if you’re fat shouldn’t you realize you’re fat?  I’m not going to get upset if someone said “group of blonde girls”.  Would they have felt less offended if they were ‘table of overweight ladies”?  Is it just the word that is getting people angry or the comment on physical appearance?

    edit: I’m curious as to if it is the word ‘fat’ that bothers people or the fact the server labeled them by their dominate physical features?

    Post # 178
    848 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    @LibraryBlondie:  Because overweight and thin people are not treated the same way on a societal scale.

    Post # 179
    493 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I can’t believe that server is so dumb to put that on there lol

    Post # 181
    554 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012


    okay so why is fat offensive and skinny isnt? both comment on someone’s physical appearence? He may not have even meant it with a negeative connotation, it was a physical characteristic that stood out and was easy to lable by, same as “table of blondes”, etc…

    It wouldn’t be appropriate to describe customers as skinny either. Skinny isn’t a compliment in my book, and while some people might consider it as such, it is simply not appropriate to comment on customers’ bodies. That seems like a pretty basic, uncontroversial point. When I worked in retail, I didn’t greet customers by saying things like “What luscious breasts you have.” Or “Wow that’s a lot of chest hair.” Or “Do you ever eat?!” Or “Have you tried Proactiv? I heard it works really well!” If I was calling the next customer to my cash register I didn’t say “Hey, Asian lady! Over here!” It’s common sense. If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, don’t write in on their check (even if you intend to delete it, because sometimes you’ll forget).

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