(Closed) Is this ok

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m not really an expert on etiquette, but to me, if it’s presented the right way it could be fun. “We’re becoming our family, so bring a family recipe to share!” or something to that extent?

Please don’t word it word-for-word like that (LOL!) but I think if you do something along those lines people won’t mind.

Post # 4
3601 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I don’t think people would mind.

Post # 6
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think as long as your wedding is a semi-laid back affair, it’s totally fine. A huge bells and whistles wedding plus a potluck would be a bit strange, but a sweet, intimate affair that is inclusive of everyone would fit perfectly. We considered something like this when we started wedding planning, it sounds so fun!

Post # 7
4371 posts
Honey bee

It sounds like a nice, casual, and lovely gathering! 

Post # 8
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Sounds good to me!  I would go, I would bring bean dip, its my specialty:)


Post # 9
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think that sounds really nice! Everyone coming together to make the dinner a success, and all that. Do you have any reason to believe your friends and family won’t be on board?

Post # 10
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think it sounds like fun. I think that as long as you call a spade a spade, a wedding will be awesome (ie. don’t try to have a black tie pot luck).. plus you’ll end up with tons of yummy food!

Post # 11
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I think ist sounds fun and sensible!

Etiquette shmetiquette.

Do what is right for you!!

Post # 12
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I would specifically contact a few close relatives as well, to get a sense of what they might bring so all bases are covered.  I think it sounds fine for that type of event though, a fun afternoon in the park with friends and family.

Post # 13
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I was talking to my grandma yesterday and she was telling me about her wedding.  And that’s what they did.  People brought things like potato salad.  My grandma said thats the way things were back then (at least in our area) and she said it was more fun than most weddings today.  Plus you know the food is going to be good since it’s family food that you’re familiar with. 

I also think it would be nifty if you would ask them to bring a copy of the recipe along so you can make a little cookbook of all the yummy food that was present the day of your wedding.  That could be a neat spin on a guestbook!

Post # 14
39 posts
  • Wedding: August 2011

Etiquette says that potluck weddings are not ok.  Weddings are traditionally a gift giving occassion, and to ask people to bring a gift and feed themselves is frowned upon. 

Also, it is still a formal occasion (regardless of the informality) and it is nice to be able to give your guests some hospitality for coming out and supporting you and taking time out for their day.  If you don’t have much money you could always do a cake and punch reception.

Post # 15
1696 posts
Bumble bee

Well, this *is* the etiquette board, and I have something of a high regard for etiquette, so I would never blow off that concern as “etiquette, shmetiquette”. But that being said, etiquette does NOT in fact condemn potlucks, nor require that all weddings be formal. Nor are weddings actually gift-giving occasions by the standards of traditional formal etiquette.

Actually, anyone who wants to send a wedding gift is doing so out of regard for the couple and to celebrate their incipient marriage; and gifts are correctly sent to the home precisely to avoid any materialistic suggestion that hospitality is dependent on the gift received, or that one guest is better than another because of what they give.

Etiquette does say that the hostess of any event is responsible for her guests’ wellbeing while they are under her care. That requires providing them with food and drink: whether it is cake-and-punch or a full dinner. So, if other people are bringing the food and drink, you are sharing the hostess’s responsibilities with them, and then you relinquish some of the hostess’s rights as well: primarily you cannot orchestrate every detail. You also don’t get to take all the credit: you have to thank your co-hostesses and redirect some portion of the thanks that you receive. But, since it sounds like you don’t want all the credit and don’t want to control everything anyway, you should be fine.

Post # 16
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

As the previous post said “formal ettiquite” would say that’s not okay…but this is about you and your guests…I know I would LOVE to attend something like that.  I love the idea of community coming together to celebrate a couple’s union, and let’s face it, I LOVE a good potluck.  I think only you know your guests well enough to know how this would be received. 

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