(Closed) Is this ok to be annoyed by?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
3383 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
foxbee03:  no pay, no say. She can verbally invite whoever she pleases, but you’re the one sending the invitations. Not your problem. 

Post # 3
Member
8601 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Only you can actually invite people. She’s being really presumptuous. You and your Fiance can decide who in the family gets an invite and the  figure out an allotment of friend guests she gets. Then you get the addresses and Mail the invites. No she doesn’t get free reign for hosting a Rehearsal Dinner.

Post # 4
Member
3243 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

View original reply
foxbee03:  be annoyed. Be very annoyed. 

 

Post # 5
Member
1705 posts
Bumble bee

This is really not okay, especially with such limited venue space, and especially if she’s not paying! She should NEVER have started verbally inviting people without speaking to you about it first. You and your Fiance should figure out a number of guests you’d like to allot her ASAP, and then ask her to send you a list of their addresses. Then, you can veto people or not, but you get the final say.

Have your Fiance let Future Mother-In-Law know in no uncertain terms that if people show up to the venue uninvited, there’s not going to be room for them.

Post # 6
Member
228 posts
Helper bee

You have every right to be annoyed. She shouldn’t be inviting anybody to your wedding. At most she should ask you can so and so come. I would shut this down now. Tell her only you and Fiance will be inviting people and only a formal paper invitation is legitimate. If you’re nice you can offer her to give you the names and addresses of X amount of people she’d like to invite (like maybe 5 or 6 people)

Post # 7
Member
237 posts
Helper bee

I would be very annoyed. Have your Fiance speak to her about this now so she can’t claim ignorance in the future. 

Post # 8
Member
1455 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

Your fiance needs to let her know that the guest list hasn’t been finalized yet. He should tell her that the two of you will extend the invitations yourself. If you are ok with her inviting a couple of people, he should let her know 1. who you are inviting from the family and 2. how many people she can add to the list. That way, she can’t push you to add people after the fact by saying “but, they are my third cousin eighteen times removed! They are family!”.

He needs to be firm, given what you have said about her. When she tries to add additional people, he should say “thanks, mom. Who do you want us to cross off the list, as we allocated xx number for you. If you can’t decide who to cross off, we’ll pick and send the invitations accordingly”.

If you are doing save the dates, then the response is “oh, sorry. We’ve already sent save the dates and finalized the guest list. We won’t be extending any other invitations”.

And, when she says “but I told them they were invited!” the response is “oh, then make sure you tell them soon that you made a mistake so they don’t make plans to attend”. When she protests, simple repeat that sentence- as often as necessary.

Your fiance needs to be firm and direct with her. And, the two of you need to be rock solid.

If she brings up paying for the rehearsal dinner, save yourselves some heartache. Make it small and informal and pay for it yourselves- it will save you a world of stress!

Post # 9
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

You have every right to be annoyed.  I agree with PP who say that you should say to her that you have allocated x number of seats for her guests and she needs to decide who is invited to fill those seats.  Beyond that number, no more.  And if she says “oh, I’ll pay for them”, don’t forget to add in the cost of additional linens, crockery, cutlery, favors, escort card etc etc – it’s not just the per-head food and drink cost.

Post # 10
Member
1903 posts
Buzzing bee

That is incredibly rude and I would say “sorry but my family cannot afford any extra people” – if she ants other people and the venue has room she can pay for it.

Post # 11
Member
1758 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

What the fuck is wrong with people. Tell her she can invite x amount of people and to please give you the names as you will be sending the invitations. 

Post # 12
Member
608 posts
Busy bee

This is extremely rude and one of the most annoying parts of weddings. Everyone can’t be invited and people have to respect that. The people YOU want are top priority

Post # 13
Member
7553 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

UGH!?!?!! What is wrong with people? Where are people’s manners! She is being rude AF. I would tell her that you cannot accommodate extra people at the wedding so they will not be included at the rehersal dinner.

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