(Closed) Is this okay??

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

This totally depends on the bride.  If she is the type to welcome strangers at her wedding then I don’t think it is an issue.  Depending on when the wedding is, she may have already given her numbers for the catering, so she might figure she’s paying for the extra person anyway, so you might as well bring a friend.  This is one that you have to think through yourself and decide. 

Post # 4
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Any single guys for your friend to be excitd to meet?  So would you know anyone else there?  (Bride doesn’t count.  She’ll be busy.)  I think it’s understandable for people not to want to go to a wedding alone, especially if they won’t know anyone else.  Maybe the bride understands this.  She sounds like she’s OK with it.  But as it was texted, it’s hard to know if she was like "Sure! No prob."  Or like, "That’s fine.", (slams phone down, and rolls eyes.)  Maybe if you’re rethining if it’s ok, can you call her and talk?  Then you can get a better grasp for what she’s really feeling.

Post # 6
596 posts
Busy bee

You mention that it was a small wedding so I would not have asked to invite a friend.  However, you already did and the bride said yes so I would not suggest adding more thrash to the process by changing your mind again.  By the time I was a few weeks away from the wedding, I just wanted to finalize the freaking guest list and seating chart already.  I had enough things to deal with at the last minute.

Post # 7
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I think your only other alternative is to go by yourself. If sounds like you would have friends to hang out with (other than the bride), so you would probably have a good time. Then you would not have to worry about leaving early. I am sure since it is a small wedding that if you cancel out your guest the bride will not mind. But I would try to change my mind only once more, just so she doesn’t go crazy 🙂

Post # 8
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree with chelseamorning…..I know personally, we have only chosen very close friends and family because we want an intimate/personal wedding. It would be a little weird to have a complete stranger there, but that’s me, this bride may think a completely different way.

Post # 9
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I brought my friend to a wedding with me once because my fiancee then boyf couldn’t make it.  We had a blast together. I would say if you’ve already rsvped I would bring someone else unless it is a very small intimate wedding.

Post # 10
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I think it depends on how far away the wedding is.

If the wedding is this weekend, and you RSVPed a while ago and this just came up, I think its fine to bring someone else. The bride has probably already confirmed the number of meals, etc etc.

But if it is any time beyond this weekend, I wouldn’t bring a friend. I would look at it from the bride and groom’s perspective. If it is small, they probably want to keep it intimate, and they handpicked everyone. They probably have a few friends that they left off the list in order to keep it small, so it might not be right that YOUR friend is coming, but one of THEIR friends can’t be invited. They might also not want people there that they don’t know. I know I don’t want people at my wedding that I don’t know.

The bride might have felt a little cornered– after all, she invited you and your Fiance and had already planned to pay for both of you to come, so when you call up and ask, she might have felt bad for saying no. I would feel bad for saying no, but I wouldn’t want someone to randomly bring someone to my wedding that wasn’t invited, ESPECIALLY if they had other people they could hang out with at the wedding. The fact that you will have two girlfriends there (one without a guy, and one who’s guy will be busy enough all night) should be enough for you to hang out with. 

That being said, you are the only one who knows the bride. If the situation isn’t what I mentioned above, or if this bride is super laid back and carefree and you are close enough to her to know that she really DOESN’T care that you asked to bring a friend, then don’t worry about it. But the fact that you are concerned enough to ask the question makes me think that you might feel its not acceptable in this situation, so it probably isn’t. 

Post # 11
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I think it was inappropriate for you to ask to bring your friend.  If it was totally last minute and your FH’s meal was already paid for, you could have told her he wasn’t able to make it and ask if she wanted you to bring someone so the meal wouldn’t be wasted.

Given that it’s a very small wedding,  she may have had other people she would have liked to invite instead of your friend.

I was in your position, I mixed up dates and didn’t realize my husband couldn’t make it 2 weeks before the wedding.  I immeditely contacted the bride and groom and told them.  It never even crossed my mind that I could/should/would ask to bring a stranger (to them) in his place- especially considering the cost.

Post # 12
108 posts
Blushing bee

I think it’s great that you’re thinking about this. I know a lot of guests wouldn’t give the bride’s feelings or budget a second thought. 🙂  I have to echo what everyone else has said– I would only bring a friend if you weren’t going to know anyone else there.  If you contact the bride to change, she’ll probably be impressed my your thoughtfulness.  At least this will give her the chance to let you know what she’s truly thinking.  She might even insist you bring your friend anyways. 

Post # 13
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I would be upset.  I put a lot of thought into my guest list and had to leave a lot of people off due to space and budget.  I would be at least mildly irritated that you are bringing someone I dont even know and I could have invited someone from the B list instead.

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