(Closed) Is this overboard?????

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Talk to SO's sister to gently nudge him or not?
    Talk to sister : (10 votes)
    13 %
    Don't do it! : (67 votes)
    87 %
  • Post # 17
    Member
    247 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I don’t know what to tell you getting engaged doesn’t mean you should get married in 12 months, what hasn’t he proposed? The real reason that is. Someone in love and sure of the relationship wouldn’t think about “finances” or “my heart was broken in the past issues” This has to do with this relationship with you now, I’m sorry to sound so blunt. My Fiance couldn’t wait 24 hrs from the moment he got the ring to the moment he proposed, he told me HE COULDN’T wait any longer…I know every relationship is different but analize yours and find THE reason why he hasn’t popped the question, having the ring for 2 years is a big time red flag.

    Good luck!

    Post # 18
    Member
    1154 posts
    Bumble bee

    No to the nudging.

    But, I would think about talking to his sister about why she thinks he hasn’t proprosed/isn’t ready for marriage.  You’re thinking seriously about leaving him, he doesn’t seem to be talking about the reason for the delay, it might be worth trying to figure out what is going on more clearly.  But if you have this conversation I’d be ready to hear somewhat hurtful things.

    Post # 19
    Member
    118 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    i think that if i had ever gotten to the point of an ultimatum, it would have ruined the engagement and i would have always questioned whether he was ready to commit. is there a reason that he is hesitating? i think you need to evaluate the relationship and talk with him about it and your goals as a couple, not just why he isn’t proposing. the proposal isn’t the endpoint, it’s the beginning of a long life together and you should both be ready to make that commitment. if you are there and he isn’t, it may be a sign 🙁

    Post # 20
    Member
    1991 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Is this overboard? Definitely.

    But I would definitely consider why you’re remaining in a relationship where the man is OBVIOUSLY unsure of the relationship himself. The fact that he’s brought up having an immensely long engagement at HIS age is a HUGE red flag.

    To me, finances becomes null and void once he’s bought the ring. He’s unsure about something in your relationship and you need to have a mental timeline of how much longer you’re willing to wait. If he doesn’t propose in 6 months, are you willing to leave? If you set that MENTAL deadline, then make sure you stick to it.

    Post # 21
    Member
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Don’t do it!  My brother’s wife did this to my mom! She cornered my mom at our beach house the summer before he proposed.  She was like I love your Son and started crying.  It made my mom sooo un-comfortable.  What was she suppose to say?  At one point my brother was thinking of bailing and she called me to talk him out of it and to cheer for her.  It was hard to hear that stuff and was just really hard for me to not question if she was right for my brother.  He did ask her and they’ve been married for a year now.  But it still bothers me that she went crying to both my mom and me.  I never told my brother I don’t know if mom did either.

    Post # 22
    Member
    407 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Don’t do it!!! Think long and hard about why he’s had the ring for 2 years and not propose and the reasons he gives. I really think the answer is right in front of you, don’t make excuses…it may be painful, but deep down you already know.

    Post # 23
    Member
    601 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    I absolutely don’t think you should nudge his family to go talk to him. Pressuring a guy to propose is not the answer, and it will probably end up doing the exact opposite. I do, however, think you should talk with your boyfriend. Have an open, honest discussion with him. If he’s had the ring for two years, and he wants a 5 year engagement, it makes me think that his hesitation may be more than just financial, and if that’s the case, then you deserve to know. Either way, I think you should discuss it with him.

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