- 9 years ago
- Wedding: May 2010
We all have some things we just can’t talk to our fiance(/loved one) about. I don’t have anyone in my life other than my fiance that I can vent to, so hope you don’t mind if i send it your way. I could use some feedback.
We all know weddings can be very stressful, and sometimes you reach the point where you just can’t take it anymore. I’ve been teetering on and off the edge of sanity throughout the process for the past seven month. Stressing over finding venues, trying to buy a house (we’re on month two of our short sale process), regretting some vendor/venue choices, etc. Very sadly the most stressful thing during this process (our photographer comes VERY close, but they are less persistent) is his family. They have never taken our wedding seriously. They joke about it endlessly, and even though I have a pretty good sense of humor I reached my boiling point ages ago. Mostly it comes from his brother, the “best man” (who mercifully lives in Georgia- 12 hours, but only an e-mail/phone call away), but his mother, father, sister, brother in law & even his sister’s in-laws all jump on the band wagon too. Here are some examples:
“I found the suit I am going to wear, but can’t decide between these two” (send me pictures of the orange and powder blue suits from dumb and dumber). (from fi’s brother)
“Are you going to use the bug (fi’s 1973 VW beetle-his prized possession which has a tendency to die wherever the moods strikes) for your wedding car? I don’t think Katie’s dress will fit in there, but we can just shove her in the trunk” (again from Fi’s brother)
“I’m not going to buy some fancy dress I’m never going to wear again- I’ve done that twice. I’m going to be comfortable. I’m going to wear PANTS” (from his mother) – not that I have anything against pantsuits, just the fact that her comfort is more important than looking nice for pictures that will last a lifetime. You should have seen the garbage she looked at!
“Why don’t you just get married at the VFW hall, they have catering like mostacioli and stuff. Just get some paper plates and plastic ware- that’s all you need”
-and it goes on and on. Some of them are “jokes” and some of them are “serious” suggestions. They don’t seem to take our wedding seriously at all. They’ve gone through two other weddings with fi’s older siblings (granted those were both way less “fancy” ((their words)) than ours), so it’s like ours doesn’t even matter. I thought it would be the opposite because he’s their baby, but no.
They gasped when we told them how much we spent on our DJ (only $1175- one of the cheaper we found, and they got excellent reviews), and we didn’t even dare tell them how much we spent on our photographer.
All I get from them is grief, and yet that’s all they ever talk to me about. I’ve gotten to the point where it’s hard to be around them because I know they are going to start up on the wedding (aka their biggest source of amusement), and I know I will get angry (and I am the kind of person who can’t hide her moods), and then I get it even worse “what’s wrong with you?” “why are you mad/sad”. I get little sympathy from fi “they are only joking.” I’m sorry, but I don’t care if they are “only joking.” I haven’t worked my butt off to make this a nice event just to get mocked at every turn. It means so much to us, and nothing to them. It’s SO hurtful. I have told him over and over again how much it irritates me, but they don’t care. His mother told him that is the only thing she feels she can talk to me about, FINE- but at least be serious about it! It’s supposed to be the most important day of our lives, and all you do is belittle it. I brace myself eveytime I am with them because I know it’s going to be the only thing they talk to me about (that and the house which is another sore point, which they also endlessly give their “opinions” about how we’re “wasting our time”)
So I have reached the point where I almost want to cancel the wedding. MIND YOU- I more than anything want to marry my fiance, I just don’t think I can deal with the circus that it is and will become. The only reason I don’t is that I am afraid we’ll regret it later. I can’t stand the thought of not having our gorgeous pictures of our wedding day. However, the fear of the potential havoc of the wedding as-is is quickly taking over. We’ve recently started attending a church we really the like, and a small intimate (just us) wedding is looking better and better.
Maybe I am being immature, maybe I am overreacting, maybe I’m just suffering bride anxiety (things everyone tells me). I mean, is this normal??? Is this what ALL brides go through? I’ve heard “Every bride reaches the point where they want to elope”, but is that really true?
Does anyone else feel this way sometimes? What do you do when you get there? Please help ladies! Thanks so much for letting me have this- sorry so long!