(Closed) Is this reasonable after you have a baby? – Family visits

posted 5 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
47211 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

shanbp:  Do you drive and have access to a vehicle when Darling Husband is at work? After the first couple of months when you are no longer so fatigued, it’s fairly easy to do shopping and errands with the baby. Small babies basically eat and sleep, so there are a few months anyhow where you can get things done during the week and save weekends for family days.

Post # 3
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

shanbp:  We don’t have children yet but what you’re hoping for is not at all unreasonable in my opinion. It’s your baby, you make the rules. It’s lovely to have people wanting to spend time with you but not at the sake of your sanity! You need time as a family (just the three of you) as well as relaxation time.. you can’t be running around out of the house 7 days a week you’ll go crazy!

A good compromise at some stage could be to have a day every so often that your IL’s look after baby (once you’re ready to be seperated) and that’s time for you and your husband to spend together just the two of you (you’ll need that too for sure!).

Just be clear about how you’re going to work things and make sure you and hubby are on the same page (and are a team.. if the IL’s put the pressure on, he has to be firm as well)

I can assure you when we have children, I will absolutely have boundaries when it comes to ‘visiting’!

Post # 6
7310 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Well we do have a kid, and we see our families maybe once every other month. Even that is pushing our tolerance levels. We’ve both reached the age where we no longer care about practically killing ourselves to make other people happy. We take care of eachother, DS, our careers, our relationship, our home, and our pets. If we can fit our families into that schedule without going nuts, then fine. If not, “Sorry, Mom and Dad, we’re busy living our lives. Talk to you later!” My Mother, in particular, tries to be clingy and overbearing. But she can only do that if I allow that behavior to occur in my life, which I don’t.

Post # 7
9821 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Spending part of every weekend with your family or in-laws is pretty crazy unless you live really close together (and want to see them).  I am only an hour from my parents and even that can get hectic trying to bring baby over there (you have to bring a lot of stuff with a baby!).  I think once a month is enough, but I could do every other week with my parents.  But that is only assuming they drive to see us as much as we drive to see them. 

You are within your rights to limit the amount of time.  I think even once a month is a good amount if that is what you wanted.  I would definitely need a weekend “off” from seeing people at least every other week.  So, this month my parents came up on the 14th to babysit so we could go out.  This past weekend I took baby with my parents to see my grandma/family.  After this weekend I am really looking forward to not seeing anyone at all next weekend!

You can probably decide as you go, just don’t let them talk you into doing something you don’t want to do.  If you need a weekend off, tell them you need a break and aren’t having visitors or going anywhere.

I have a 2.5 month old, but I loved having visitors or going to visit people on maternity leave.  It can get very isolating being at home by yourself so I liked using our weekends to go visit people when I was on maternity leave.  Now that I’m back at work, I definitely am not going to spend every weekend visiting with people.

Babies are very portable when they’re young.  I took mine to Target, Buy Buy Baby, grocery stores, department stores, furniture stores, etc in her care seat or stroller and I don’t think she’s ever cried in any of the stores.  She will also sleep in the car so it’s pretty easy to travel with her (aside from having to bring half your house with you!).  It’s a little different when they’re older and need more to get to sleep or have more set schedules.

Post # 8
2814 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If I had to spend time with my family or IL’s every other weekend, I’d be bonkers– and I love them!

When Dear Daughter was tiny, that was the easiest time for me. Yes, all babies are different, but for me, it was easy peasy to get out of the house nearly every other day to grocery shop, run errands, or get out of the house. I did all my housework during the week. It was so easy. Darling Husband and I still had lots of time to spend together.

Now that she’s 2.5, we have to grocery shop together, or I can’t manage her on my own. lol We have lots of time after she goes to bed to talk, and spend time together. Weekends, yes, since I work full time, I have to spend at least one of those days doing all my laundry and catching up on housework.

We see our inlaws usually monthly, on our terms.

…and that’s how it’s gotta be. People need to check with you before appearing at your house to visit. They need to understand that you don’t always want to entertain or travel. Yes, they will want to spend time with baby, I am sure, but it’s most important that you, Darling Husband and baby get time together first. You just have to make that clear to people early on.

Post # 9
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

honestly every child is different so I don’t think you’ll have a great idea of what your time needs will be till after. If you start bringing out your baby from the start I think they tend to be easier. My daughter always seems more well behaved when we are at the store and it helped me get out of the house as well. I know if can be overwhelming but trying to come up with a set schedule now for visitation might make your more frustrated if it doesn’t work out that way. 

Hopefully your inlaws will understand your hostess abilities are limited. But actually on maternity leave is when I was able to get the most stuff done…. she slept 8 hours during the day so there is a lot of down time. Just try to put it out of your mind and take it as it comes!

Post # 10
4521 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Non-mom here! I think it’s totally fine to limit your time with in-laws with a new baby. I would maybe phrase it carefully though – instead of “you can only visit every other weekend,” maybe say that you and Darling Husband are saving every other Sunday as a quiet day with baby or a “parents-baby day.”

Post # 11
1440 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Invest in a baby carrier, I get so many errands done, including groceries, going out to eat, etc., while she sleeps in the ergobaby.

Post # 12
3112 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

shanbp:  with or without every other weekend is a lot of time. your husband needs to explain to them that you guys need space. you’re adults- there is no reason you need to see his mom and dad that often.

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