(Closed) Is this reasonable to be asked to spend on a bachelorette?

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 16
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I think the cost sounds pretty low for a weekend away, but if it’s more than you can afford, it doesn’t matter if it’s the best bargain ever.

ETA: I couldn’t spend that much either right now either, and I do think that a bride to be needs to consider others’ finances and obligations before requesting a whole weekend.

Post # 17
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

That’s low for a weekend away, but if its not in your budget, its not. 

I think weekend getaways for bachelorettes are ridiculous. There’s too many factors that can destroy the weekend and its asking a lot of your friends, both time wise and money wise. Unless everyone is 100% on board, no hesitations, from the beginning.. They just seem so stressful.

Post # 18
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

KC-2722:  I agree. All my ladies other than the junior bridesmaid, a 10 year old, have jobs in service/retail, so to take off a whole weekend would mean losing a couple day’s income on top of what the weekend itself cost. In my case, it would be asking too much. You really have to know your group.

Post # 19
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Anonymous9042:  What is unreasonable is the bride requesting a getaway weekend for herself paid for by others.  

If you can’t afford it, don’t go and don’t feel badly about it.  

Post # 20
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Laurenplusalex:  Yeah def! I’ve heard of ones working out perfectly but.. everyone is on the same page to begin with. I think if thats not the case, alternate plans need to be made. I’d hate to be responsible for making someone lose wages or spend money they don’t have to appease me! 

Post # 21
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think that bridesand MoH’s plan sounds very reasonable.  If you can’t afford it, send your regrets.

not all getaway bachelorettes are ridiculous.  If you have friends from different cities who are attending, it is just as easy to have a party in another city if everyone would have to travel to your city anyway.

Post # 22
Member
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Actually, I think this sounds pretty reasonable to me. And it sounds like everyone is trying to be super accomodating for your financial situation. You’ve been upfront about your finances and how much you can contribute, and they’ve agreed to work with that. So go and spend what you can afford and let everyone else fill in the gaps (which is totally fine as they’ve offered to do this!) or don’t go. But don’t whine that they didn’t plan a bachelorette party to suit you. I just went to a destination bachelorette where we rented a hotel room and it was fun! I also planned one when I was an Maid/Matron of Honor for my best friend several years ago. So, no, I don’t think that the idea of a weekend getaway sort of a bachelorette is inherently unreasonable. And, in this case, it sounds like everyone is really trying to be nice and accomodating for you. 

Post # 23
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Anonymous9042:  We are going away for three nights for my bachelorette and it will be $75 for the condo that we are renting per person. I went into asking my sister to plan this weekend knowing that certain people couldn’t afford it – and wouldn’t be offended if anyone said they just didn’t have the money and couldnt come.

That said – I think $270 is reasonable for a weekend away – but if you don’t have the money…you just don’t have it. I would talk to the Maid/Matron of Honor and let her know your situation. Is there any way you could get the money to her a bit later (pay her back in a couple months)? I would also feel awkward about paying less than everyone else. Like a PP said, I would calculate other stuff in there as well ~ more than $50 for food definitely, and tipping/cabs/etc. etc. 

Post # 24
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

If you can’t afford it, just don’t go. The wedding is the actual event that you have agreed to attend and support your friend in. All the other events leading up to the wedding are completely optional, and if the bride has ever had lean times (like most of us have), she will understand!

Post # 25
Member
14970 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

That sounds really reasonable to me considering no more than $50 is really “extra” for the bride, and everything else is cost you would have incurred on trip of your own like this.  But if it’s not in the budget, then it’s just not.  it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks is reasonable.  If you really want to attend though, maybe maybe you can cut down on food cost and have them pick places with no cover.

Post # 26
Member
963 posts
Busy bee

I’m helping with the planning of my sister’s bachlorette and this is exactly what I’m hoping to avoid. Sometimes if that’s what the bride wants though, you have to make it work. 

Since the other girls are being so nice about it, can you pay them what you can now, and pay them the rest at a later time?

Post # 27
Member
4998 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

She can ask for whatever she wants, and you can say no to whatever you want. 

Post # 28
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think this sounds reasonable and it’s nice that people have gone out of their way to try to accomodate you, but as others said, if you can’t afford it then you can’t. You can either accept the help being offered or don’t go.

As soon as I told my friends I was engaged one of the first questions most of them asked was “where do you want to go for your bachelorette??” and then they started suggesting cities. I actually hadn’t expected to do a destination bachelorette until my bridesmaids got together and discussed it and then approached me about where I’d want to go. My friends expected we would go on a weekend trip because a) most friends in our group have done this and b) my bridesmaids are spread out across 5 different states, so there’s no location that would be convenient for everyone. If most ladies would have to travel regardless we’d just as soon go somewhere fun.

I have seven bridesmaids and only one isn’t coming (because she has to work the weekend we’re going, it’s a special event for her job). I totally would have tried to work with someone if they couldn’t afford to go, or understood if they couldn’t come. I am paying 100% of my own expenses and trying to keep costs down for my bridesmaids in other ways, but my friends have all told me multiple times how excited they are for the girls getaway. My bridesmaids are 26-33 with most in our early 30s, so most everyone is pretty established in our careers. The point I’m trying to make is that all friend groups are different, and a weekend away with a group of friends isn’t totally unreasonable for some people.

I know if one of my bridesmaids couldn’t afford it and I (or the others) offered to help her it would be because we really want her to be there. If you can make it work to go with help then I think that would be great, but if you can’t go I’m sure the bride will understand.

Post # 29
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Anonymous9042:  is the weekend away bachy extravagant? Probably but that seems to be what every bride close to me has done. Just be glad youre not being asked to fly anywhere!

 

Post # 30
Member
2920 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

1. I think your estimates for food and drink are too low.

2. I would just call whoever is organizing this and say, “Hey, so, like I said before, the max I can afford is X, so I’m going to have to skip it, but I hope you all have a great time.” And don’t go.

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