Post # 31
Please don’t try to push them to go to cheaper dinners or cheaper clubs for you. you can choose not to go at all or choose to go and sit out in some activities (without calling any attn to yourself or pity) and/or you can go with agreement that planners will permanently or temporarily cover some of your costs. No point to try to change the whole Bach party to be in your price range tho. That’s really annoying and not fair to the bride or other ladies.
Post # 32
I would probably decline but see if you can send a gift along for her shower.
Post # 33
Zhabeego: I’m trying to figure out what is so terrible about this for you. The bride and Maid/Matron of Honor are being very accomidating from the sounds of it. The Maid/Matron of Honor even volunteered to work with OP’s budget, and not force her to pay more than what she is comfortable with. Yes, it is a destination weekend, but it sounds like the destination is reasonable for most of the guests ($10 being the share of gas money, even with 5 people in a car can’t mean they are going more than 100 miles away) There are no flights required for OP and at least a few other members of the wedding party. From the sounds of it, is the Maid/Matron of Honor planning it all, and bending over to accomidate OP’s budget. OP seems more worried about not pitching in her fair share. It is very nice of her to think this way, but unecessary since she has already expressed her budget, and the Maid/Matron of Honor has already expressed her willingness to work with her budget. This is perhaps the most accomidating bridal party (and possibly bride) that I have read about.
OP, you really boil down to three options;
Option one is take the MOH’s very reasonable offer to help. It sounds like your attendence is more important than your money to this trip. What a GREAT attitude! If you go, don’t throw yourself a pitty party about not being able to help out. Obviously, if they absolutly 100% needed your money, there would be a different attitude about this trip. They want the bride to have a good time, and it sounds like her having a good time includes you.
Option two is to over extend yourself on what sounds on a pretty reasonable trip. If you can’t stand not paying your “fair share” but also really want to go, I guess you can do this, but I wouldn’t. If you do take this option, knowing that option one is available, you really can’t complain about what things are costing you. They made a reasonable attempt to work with your budget, and you turned them down.
Option three is to send your regrets. If you can’t see yourself doing option one or two, this is obviously the only way you can do it. Again, you really can’t complian, because there was a reasonable option that would allow you to attend.
Post # 34
To those of you saying I’m whining or trying to get them to plan a bachelorette around my needs: take it easy, I’m not, I didn’t say I was doing any of those things and have never said anything of the sort to the Maid/Matron of Honor. I just asked here if these costs were reasonable to be asked to spend on a bachelorette before I responded to her.
Yes, the bride has requested something extravagant, and requested we also buy her gifts. Ignoring the inherent “wrongness” of this behavior, I understand that if I can’t afford it, I can’t, and most of your comments have been very helpful. I have taken them into consideration and let the Maid/Matron of Honor know that, if they want me there so badly that they are willing to cover the costs I can’t afford, then I will be there, but I would not be hurt and would completely understand if they did not want to do that and I would be more than fine staying home. If this is the case, I plan to send along a gift. I have been very clear and up-front about what I can and can’t afford in the past and now, so there is no confusion down the line. She responded and said she would discuss it with the other girls before letting me know.
FWIW, some of these girls also attended my bachelorette, which my Maid/Matron of Honor planned in a suburb of our city. Total costs per girl for the two days (one night in a hotel) were about $100-$150 (I asked). This event is more expensive because this bride has specifically requested multiple nights, in a further, more expensive location, more lavish activities and gifts. So it is possible that we could have made this really fun but kept costs lower, except the Maid/Matron of Honor is honoring the bride’s wishes (which is completely fine of course!)
Just wanted to get some perspective on whether or not the costs were insane. I definitely see that $270 per person is considered reasonable in general for a weekend away (even with 4-5 people sleeping to a room), so it’s been very helpful to see replies. I’m still just not sure it’s reasonable in terms of a bachelorette party.
Post # 35
I think your situation is all relative. I could easily part with $270 for a weekend getaway so it seems reasonable to me. The point is, if you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding last year where the bride wanted us to spend close to $800 on a weekend away and that was so far out of my grasp I had to bow out of the entire weekend.
What I suggest you do, if you haven’t already, is be upfront and firm with what you can accomodate. If you can only do $100, then set that as your absolute max. I’m sure the other women would understand, or maybe, given enough time, things can be scaled back slightly to better accomodate everyone.
Post # 36
- Wedding: Davis Island Garden Club
I think it is reasonable compared to what I’ve spent on bachelorette party’s. I feel your pain, I think destination bachelorette party’s are a little unnecessary and I’m actually trying to convince my girls not to do this for me.
Regardless of if it’s reasonable or not, if you can’t afford it then I would bow out. If your not comfortable talking about your finances you can always give some other excuse like another event that you just can’t get out of.
I went to a very expensive bachelorette party in Miami once and one of the girls bowed out because she was saving for a house and just couldn’t spare the money. No one side eyed her for that, I actually admired her for having her priorities in order.
Post # 37
See if anyone else is interested in only going for one night to carpool there and back with. I did this a couple years ago for a friend’s destination bachelorette – we only went for one night instead of the two nights everyone else was there. Maybe see if there’s a bus you could take there or back and only go one night, too?
Post # 38
- Wedding: September 2013 - Franklin Plaza
I don’t think it sounds unreasonable at all. I just planned a bachelorette weekend that came out to be $210 a person. However, you can only afford a certain amount. If it were me, I might try to find someone else that didn’t want to do the whole weekend and just go for a day maybe? Otherwise, you might just have to pass on the weekend. There’s always the shower. 🙂
Post # 39
Unfortuently, I think the best thing to do here is to send along a gift and not go. Although the other girls could pay for your fare, I think that’s slightly unfair to them, even if they never say a word about it to you. If you can’t afford something, than don’t do it 🙁 . Maybe afterwards, take the bride out for a drink.
Post # 40
Apparently, Maid/Matron of Honor did not realize or chose to ignore that your budget was $100 for the entire weekend, not just for the hotel. If the bride’s expectations priced any of her close friends out of attending, she’ll have to get over it.
Post # 41
While I can understand where you are coming from, but honestly what does it matter if it is reasonable or not, or what we think it is? Are they going to change their plans because you think it is unreasonable? No…. so stop whining.
Just because you chose a weekend away somewhere more affordable doesn’t mean your friend has to as well. Is everyone supposed to change their plans just because one person can’t afford it?
Post # 42
It’s not reasonable by definition, if everyone in the group can’t afford it. MOH said she’d work with you, and then presented you with an estimate for an unaffordable weekend. You had to go back to her a second time, and now she’s first consulting with the others? I’d give her a convenient out, thank her, and decline at this point.
Post # 43
If these are the bride’s nearest and dearest friends, and it was important to her that they all be there, then yes, everyone’s budget should be considered.
Post # 44
I dont think that is unreasonable for an entire weekend
Post # 45
But the Maid/Matron of Honor said they would work with it from the beginning,
“I told the Maid/Matron of Honor (a good friend) that I was good for $100 when she started planning (we are very tight on cash right now), and she told me it would probably be more than that per person but that they would work with whatever I could spend.”
So they have already said they will work with it, which in my books means the bridal party will cover OP’s missing portion.