(Closed) Is this reasonable to be asked to spend on a bachelorette?

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 46
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would give whatever you feel comfortable with towards it but maybe not attend (doing so in place of a shower gift).

If you cant afford to pay even for your own attendance (hotel, food, transportation costs) then its not polite to go and expect everyone to dull the costs down for 1 person or not to split everything equally. 

Personally I dont think its expensive for a 2 night weekend trip. In fact I think thats fairly cheap. My bridal pary (with NO imput from me) decided to do a weekend getaway, I have no idea what they are spending but I can estimate it would be a lot higher than that. 

I think these weekend getaway bachelorette parties are becoming more a of a thing and I dont feel that they are unreasonable when the majority of the bridal party are on board for it. Bridal showers often get taken over by family and the bachelorette party is a way for the friends to celebrate just them.

Easily in my area on ONE night out- no hotel you would have to spend 200 -250 just on a nice dinner, going to maybe 2 bars and then transportation (limo/taxi/train costs). I think for my friends it was actually easier to save money by going out of town where we didnt have to worry about anyone having to drive. 

Post # 47
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

Anonymous9042:  “I’m still just not sure it’s reasonable in terms of a bachelorette party.”<br /><br />What’s “reasonable” depends on the people involved. It doesn’t matter if this could have been done for less money, if the bride wanted something different, etc. The bottom line is that it’s outside of your price range. All you have to decide is if you’re willing to spend $100 to $150 or not. All this about is it “reasonable” and “…it is possible that we could have made this really fun but kept costs lower” is irrelevant. It’s not about making it affordable for you, it’s about what the bride wants.<br />

To be clear: I think the bride is asking for WAY too much. But you already said you don’t want to hear about that, so knowing these are her demands, trying to come up with budget solution is pointless. You’re better off just gracefully declining.

Post # 48
Member
12309 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

MissLibra:  Yes, but look at how Maid/Matron of Honor  handled this.  OP had already told her that she can’t afford more than $100 for the entire weekend.  ” Working around it” to me, would mean that she should go to the bride or the other friends, and either change the plans  or insist that OP is their guest for the balance of the weekend.   Instead, she sent OP an estimate of $ 100 for the room alone and now she first has to go back to the others? Maybe she has good intentions, but IMO this was handled less than graciously.

In OP’s place I would thank her friend and decline. 

Post # 49
Member
12309 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

For those who are saying this is a reasonable cost, reasonable for what it is, sure. Reasonable or responsible for OP?  That’s presumptuous for anyone but OP to say. Reasonable for the bride or Maid/Matron of Honor to ask for or expect when it’s a financially diverse group and everyone is being asked to participate?   No, not at all. 

Post # 50
Member
9134 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Anonymous9042:  Tell the Maid/Matron of Honor point blank you can only afford $150.  I’m sure you’re not the only one.  A weekend away is a nice idea but it quickly gets expensive and trust me, the $250 you’re figuring on is only the start and there are likely other additional expenses that will inevitably pop up.

Post # 51
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Can more girls be invited to lower the cost for everyone? like, have the bridesmaids and other close girl friends? I’m sure the bride would love to have more people, and it would lower the costs for everyone, not just you. win-win!

Post # 52
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

KC-2722:  I guess, but most brides (myself included) aren’t going to expect everyone to afford everything and don’t expect anyone to do anything that can’t or don’t want to do. Why is it that just bc it is a bachelorette it can’t be a fun girls weekend doing whatever the girls want to do.

I personally wanted something low key and had no desire to go out of town per se, but my girls wanted a fun girls trip out of town — so that’s what we did. When girls take a trip together a few hundred bucks is normal, and no one complains, why all of a sudden if it’s a bachelorette, the bride is a greedy a-hole for obliging her friends a fun weekend. I don’t really get it. No one is obligated to go to anything they are invited to, a wedding included, so if the majority of girls want to get out of town, I don’t think bc they use the Bach as an excuse to do so it’s unreasonable/rude or demanding.

Sometimes the other girls want to more than the bride (that was my case) and I don’t think all brides should get. Bad rap. I personally felt badly and asked my Maid/Matron of Honor to keep costs low above all else, and wanted to just have a slumber party and not do something crazy expensive, but looking back, I shouldn’t have had to feel that way since that was what my girls really wanted to do, and the ones that couldn’t afford it just did not come with and I went out with them another time at home (not necessarily bachelorette related).

Post # 53
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Willow Ridge Manor - Morrison Colorado

I am a bride and my girls are flying to the beach for the weekend. I know that some of my girls have more moeny then others and to me its more imporant to have them there then it is for everyone to pay an equal amount. I am paying extra since its not as much of a financial burden for me. Go to the Maid/Matron of Honor and let her know that you can only pay “x” I think for the bride it is more worth it for you to be there. 

Post # 54
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Reasonable is a relative term.  I think under $300 for a weekend trip is very reasonable, others might not agree.  But east coast “getaways” are pretty expensive.

Post # 55
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Ugh. Sorry everyone, I revived this (probably well after the Bach). For some reason it appreared at the top of my feed and I assumed it was current. 

Post # 56
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It’s not unreasonable but definitely do whatever makes you feel comfortable. I was fortunate enough to get a LOT of deals in Vegas and for a three day weekend (including hotel suites in the Strip, bottle service/shows, day club cabana, all food) and each girl paid 330 plus however much their flights were (we all lived in different cities.)  It was a lot I felt like but I don’t expect any of them to get me huge gifts and it’s good knowing everyone had the greatest time! I also didn’t have an engagement party/bridal shower/any of that stuff so this was the only real event before the wedding. If that helps at all!

Post # 57
Member
32 posts
Newbee

Anonymous9042:  taking out hotel costs you’d be spending $170 which is out if your budget even if the party was local. $20 for a gift in my opinion is super cheap and you don’t have to buy a bridal shower gift? That right there is saving $50+. When being asked to be in a wedding you had to of known it was going to cost more than $100 to participate. I was in one wedding and it cost $3000+ by the end of it. Anytime I’m asked to be in a wedding I expect to pay at least $500. I know it sucks but when you agreed to be in the wedding you agreed to shower the bride. 

 

See if you can plan ahead in which clubs you’re going to. Usually if you’re in a group of all girls they won’t charge you a cover. And get bottle service. That will save a ton of money over payung for individual drinks. 

 

Was she in your wedding? Did she or would she do the same for you? One of my bridesmaids didn’t come to my bachelorette over $100 and honestly I was very upset. With bottle service and no cover charges you can probably save $50. Is $70 over your budget worth missing out on this?

 

good luck! Xoxo

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