Post # 1
So… I agreed to be a bridesmaid.
This fall, the bride emails (or Maid/Matron of Honor, cant remember I blacked out) to say she’s found a dress for us to wear. Like… it was already decided.
I had 2 pieces of advice for the bride "please don’t break my bank acct and please make it a dress that will hold my chest"
She decides on a dress that is 350 dollars and we have a MONTH to pay for it because the color is being discontinued. This needed to be paid for by December 20.
The wedding is next summer.
Am I getting screwed ? Should I have said this is ridiculous ? I feel totally screwed over by a friend of mine. She has 8 bridesmaids and I have no idea if they could all pay but I’m only 25, just got into grad school and really not able to just give that money to an ugly dress I will never wear again (It’s floor length with a train..come on.)
Can anyone justify this? I’m feeling awful.
Post # 3
Wow. I don’t think you’d be out of line to say you can’t afford it. $350 is really expensive, especially if you also have to get shoes, have it altered, and won’t ever be able to wear it again. I wouldn’t put it to her that way, but I think it’s reasonable to say you hadn’t anticipated having to pay for it so quickly. Are you also having to travel? If not, then it’s a little more reasonable because you’re not having to spend those hotel costs. If so…ouch.
Post # 4
no travel. i already paid for it and told her i was not expecting that. the thing was, she was very nice about it but her tone was a little too much… like "wow ir eally didn’t consider cost to be an issue" which pissed me off. I’m sorry I don’t have a rich fiancee to support me (she does) … but then she schpieled on about really wanting me in the wedding. what was i supposed to do? and yes, i’ll need it tailored. i am a D cup and she of course got a strapless dress that will most likely need to be taken in. she used the "the color is being discontinued" card as a "look what I did for you as a favor… its cheaper" thing- so if she’d gotten a color, it would have been around 425!!!!!!!!! my god. this girl is out of her mind.
the part that bugs me is this is just the beginning. there will be bachelorette party, my poor boyfriend will have to rent a tux, wedding present, etc. shouldn’t you WANT to do your bridesmaids some favors and at least respect their financial wishes so they are enjoying your wedding? This is a NIGHTMARE to me.
Post # 5
I just dont think i could ask one of my girls to pay that much…. I would feel very very bad… unless i helped pay for it, i dont think it’d even cross my mind!
And I’d think you’d take into account your bm’s financial situations as well…
Try to be honest and nice, but honest… more than anything, as a bride, I’d just want to know my girls are there emotionally wanting to do what they could, but i can’t blame them if they can’t afford something… i’d appreciate such honesty…
Post # 6
I really think that $350 is way too much to expect someone to pay. If she has such a rich fiancee then maybe she can spot you!! But seriously, I understand the frustration with the "oh I didn’t think about the money" phrase. How could she not? I know you have already bought it, and I suppose it’s petty, but don’t get her a very big wedding present, or at least have a discussion with her letting her know that she really put you in a rough spot! Weddings should be fun for the wedding party too!
Post # 7
$350 is A LOT for a bridesmaids dress.. In fact my wedding dress cost less than $600, so $350 would be more than HALF of what my wedding dress cost. Granted, my dress was not that expensive.
As a bride to be, I understand the "want" to make your bridesmaids look like the vision you have in your head… but she needs a dose of reality. I think you should talk to her about how you are feeling. You want to be in her wedding, but you weren’t realizing the dress would be so much money and quite frankly, being a student, you can’t afford that along with the other expenses you’ll be incurring, and having to come up with $350 in a month is strenuous and not in your budget. She STILL has over a year to find a better and cheaper dress. Has she even had any of the BM’s try the dress on? Does it even look good on?
I wanted my bridesmaids to look nice, but also to BE comfortable, and to havea dress that IS affordable. My Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses are coming in at 145 with tax (which i STILL felt was a little high-it was more than I originally had wanted them to all pay).
Do the other BM’s have a problem paying that much? I think if you and some of the other BM’s discuss with the bride that it’s not doable she will be able to find another dress that fits the bill, she has plenty of time and obviously isn’t thinking clearly right now–she’s just thinking she found the dress and her color is being discontinued.
Post # 8
I don’t think it’s out of line to tell her that you can’t afford it. I would be surprised if the other 7 girls aren’t having the same dilemna.
Post # 9
I’ve been on both ends, being the bridesmaid and now I am the bride. I have a budget for the wedding and even if I purchased my own wedding gown as a splurge, I would not expect my bridesmaids and friends to do the same on a bridesmaid dress. Honestly, $350 is high unless its a dress that does not look like a bridesmaid dress and you can wear it again. But from reading your post, that is not the case. You should talk to the bride. Give her a little heads up that you cannot afford this (and perhaps some of the other girls cannot either.) Explain to her your situation and that you would love to be a part of her wedding but that you have $X budget and are trying to factor in the other costs as well (such as shoes, hair, makeup, bridal shower, bach party, etc.) See what she says. Maybe she is having a hard time finding dresses she likes and could use some help researching.
Be honest, but sensitive, and have a frank conversation. This will give her some perspective as well as hopefully open her eyes to making you purchase other expensive bridesmaidy items for her wedding.
Post # 10
I didn’t even pay $350 for my WEDDING dress. I told the girls they could wear whatever dress they wanted in either blue or green. EAsy.
It sounds like you’ve already bought the dress though? If I were you I would have a heart to heart with your friend and explain your current situation. If you still can I would return the dress and try to find a similar less expensive one.
Post # 11
no idea i don’t know the other bridesmaids. im guessing they’re all rich because she seemed kind of surprised when i said something. i was nice about it but she kind of backed me into a corner and said shed pay for some of it and i coud pay her back later…. thats nice and all but i still dont see how she could just go and decide on this dress because its the ONLY dress she could have (come on there are billions of dark purple dresses out there) and just tell us that’s what it is and expect that to be OK….
I’m getting engaged soon and have thought about this stuff and there is NO way i’d decide on a dress for my bridesmaids unless they all agree to it… besides, the dress can be gorgeous on a mannequin but dresses like that don’t always look good on everyone. this is a designer dress, heavy material, kind of flattering but not GORGEOUS, ugly color, floor length w/ train….
did i mention this is an august wedding?
shes just kind of making me feel bad about it but in the "nicest" way possible. i just dont get it. she used to be so money conscious and now she’s just out of control.
Post # 12
Thank you ALL for your honest and thoughtful replies. You’re making me feel better. I just wanted to know I wasn’t the only person (besides my mother who is horrified…) who was taken aback by this !
Post # 13
Can we see a pic?? I’m getting curious… haha!
Anyway when I answered the poll I said "Depends on the situation"- I was thinking it might be appropriate if the bride only had 1 attendant and it was her sister or something and they were close enough to ask that of each other. But to make all your friends/other relatives, etc, spend $350 is a bit extravagant. I have heard of brides picking $500 dresses and that is just insane.
It is really unfortunate that people are asked to be in weddings because of how close they are, and then things like this come up and get in the way and change everything. I was in my friends wedding recently and spent over $1000 on it after factoring in flights, dress, alterations, gift, etc- $1000 I couldn’t afford! She never even sent me a thank you card for the gift, let alone all the effort in going there, etc. I sent her parents a thank you GIFT for paying for my hotel room, and still nothing from her.
I feel like brides need to be more considerate of their friends/family when asking them to be a part of their special day. Nowadays it is almost painful being asked to be in weddings because of everything it entails with costs, etc. I’m trying to keep that in mind for all of my bridesmaids and I hope I’m doing a decent job of it!
Looking back, I wish I had told my friend that I just couldn’t afford to be in her wedding. Yes, it’s an honor, but one I could have gone without. You might want to consider doing the same!
Post # 14
$350 is outrageous. And I’m with monalisa670…let’s see a pic!
Post # 15
I am sorry that you are in such a predicament. Unfortunately its sounds like you are already committed to the dress since you have already purchased it.
While some here may be budget and see $350 others may be less budget conscious and don’t see the "big deal". All you can do is let your friend know that this is was far more than you had expected and its impact to you. Maybe you can speak to her and get a better idea of future cost of being a BMs (ie. some out of town bachelorette party, etc) at least you will have a heads up for the next big expense.
Post # 16
That’s more than my gown cost!