(Closed) IS THIS RIGHT??

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is this right of my fiance's brother to get married six weeks before us & they got engaged after us?
    YES : (117 votes)
    84 %
    NO : (22 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 3
    608 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    It will be a busy fall!   I think if the families just make sure to keep the wedding separate and each one special it should be fine.  no shared bridal showers type of thing.   Its hard to ask someone else to move their wedding date, its an important event for them too.  What do you think they should have done that would have been more approriate?

    Post # 4
    4137 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    you don’t own the time between your engagement and wedding. they’re getting married over a month before you and doing what is best for them, just like you are doing what is best for you and fi. be happy for them and share your joy!

    Post # 5
    285 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    No that is not right at all, but unfortunately not uncommon. I’ve heard many of my friends complain about similar things. My mother’s sister in law even tried to set her wedding the WEEKEND before hers but luckily was convinced to move it to a month earlier. Something about one engagement triggers family members into doing it too, and the ruder members will try to get there first and steal your shine! But I think this is your fiance’s issue to deal with, not yours. He needs to tell his brother that what he’s doing is not appropriate and that it will only breed resentment. If he insists on doing it anyway, there’s nothing you can do I guess. But remember your weddings will be very different, and likely have very different guest lists, so while I would be mad too, I think you have to chalk this one up to them desperate enough to want to squeeze in before you and the old imitation as the sincerest form of flattery. 

    Post # 6
    3564 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    It’s not really right or wrong…I mean, I can see why you would be a little peeved that they set their date 6 weeks before yours when they got engaged after you, but honestly, there’s not much you can do about it! I would just keep a smile on your face and look at it as a positive thing that you now have a wedding planning buddy 🙂 And at least it’s not anyone on your side of the family, so you won’t have to share the attention of your parents/family members.

    Post # 7
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    It stinks that they did this.  but it’s not wrong. You don’t get the whole month or the whole year … you get the day.  I understand it bugs you, it would bug me terribly, but it’s six weeks, it’s not the same day or month even.

    Post # 8
    426 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    Why is this question constantly asked? Okay. so it’s not “right” what are you going to do about it? You’re going to show up with a smile on your face and act nice. I mean, what is the other option? We just had a post like this yesterday. You don’t own any date other than the one on the invitations. Sorry.

    Post # 9
    529 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I would imagine that they would set their date after you 🙁

    But hey, look at it this way ! If your wedding is second, people will remember it more than hers as it will be fresher in their minds !

    Post # 10
    971 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2008

    What Kitzy said.

    I got engaged when I was almost 19 and got married at age 28.  My brother and a majority of my friends got engaged after we did and got married before we did.  We could’ve cared less.  Seriously?  Were our friends supposed to hold out for 8 years and wait for us to get married just because we got engaged before they did?  Would YOU want to wait 8 years because I got engaged before you?  Yeah …. I didn’t think so, either.  Honey, time waits for no one!

    You get ONE day and that’s it. 

    Post # 11
    382 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    i personally don’t think it’s as black and white as your poll is – it’s not a “yes, that’s right” or “no, it’s not right.” every family functions differently, plus there might be different reasons for getting married when they are. did you ask why they picked their particular date? maybe it was only time available at the venue they wanted. in my opinion it takes more energy to be mad than to just take a deep breath & look at all sides/perspectives before you make up your mind. i realize you may not feel that way, but it’s not worth getting banged up over.

    Post # 12
    1559 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    OK, I’m not trying to be rude here, but people get engaged and married all the time. Unfortunately, the only person who cares as much about your wedding as you and Fiance are you and Fiance. 

    When we planned our date, we had 3 sets of friends who had gotten engaged first. I’m in one wedding, and she got engaged over a year before us, but we’re getting married a month after her. Is she mad at me for getting married so close to her? No. We are in each others weddings and have had so much fun planning together. 

    Another couple we are friends with got engaged in December and we got engaged in April, but when we set our June 2011 date in June 2010, and they hadn’t even picked a date yet. They ended up picking a date after ours, but they didn’t throw hissy fits about being engaged longer. 

    This isn’t a race. Be happy for your brother, plan your wedding, and enjoy yourself. 

    Post # 13
    111 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Much goes into setting a date – maybe your Future Brother-In-Law or his fiancee are in school or work in education?  I’m sorry that you’re upset, but remind yourself that they are not doing this to hurt you or overshadow you.

    Personally, I ended up getting engaged after a cousin with whom I’m pretty close and then setting the date a month before his wedding (ours is in August, because I’m in grad school and it was that or wait until the following May).  I checked with my cousin and his fiancee about it before we set our date and they were 1) thrilled for us, and 2) looking forward to talking about wedding stuff!

    As others have said, there’s not much to be done, anyway.  We all get one day, not more.  Be excited for their marriage and your own (sure to be unique) wedding!

    Post # 14
    2103 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    My fiance proposed to me about a month after his cousin proposed.  We set our wedding for 2 months before theirs….the two events are mutually exclusive.  They could have set their date any time they wanted, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to sit around and wait for my wedding.  We are all excited for each other.  It’s not a competition.

    Post # 15
    1391 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I think it’s really wrong you are getting married on my one year anniversary. Just sayin.

    I am  just kidding, but sorry no it is not wrong. Just be happy :o) My best friend got engaged 3 months after me in Decemember and was married by the end of April. It was what was best for them and I was happy for them! Different since it’s not family, but not a big deal!

    Post # 16
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I dont think there is anything wrong with it. I am of the opinion that each person can get married whenever they want as long as they dont pick a date that clashes with your date, you cant make them wait till after your wedding to get married.

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