(Closed) is this rude?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
504 posts
Busy bee

Oh I don’t see how you can pull that off. Sorry kiddo

Post # 4
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Yah in my circle that would be pretty rude, sorry!

Post # 5
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@lilarose:  Maybe you can serve heavy appetizers instead of a dinner or have a wedding brunch with a mid morning ceremony. I would not recommend having a tiered reception though. 

Post # 6
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I completely agree with Jer72 and Pinkmoon.

Post # 7
4060 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I know people do it. But I think it’s totally rude.

Post # 8
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yeah… sorry, but no. Either don’t invite them at all, or cheapen up your dinner so you can afford to invite them.

Post # 9
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Typically when it comes to Invites, once you invite someone they are there for the Duration (as per North American Standards… other places different expectations / rules)

Nothing wrong tho with inviting someone to join the Dance part of your Reception… such a practice is pretty common here in Canada

They are joining you after the main festivities, to get together for the more social aspects of the Dance time.

There are appropriate Invitations that go with these sorts of invites… just let me know if you need the wording.

NOTE – on the other hand, there truly is nothing to officially stop someone from going to the Church to see the Ceremony (in most instances)… because the Church itself is a public place… and is open to all.

It tends to be Reception (particularly so if it is a catered affair) with a sit-down meal that usually presents the most issues… because of the cost per person that is associated with such an event.  Thereby requiring the Hosts of the Wedding, to cut back on the Invites.  Really a fact of life nowadays IMO


Post # 10
1975 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

i would be offended!

Post # 12
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Unless you’re from a country/culture where this is standard, yes, it would be hurtful and insulting.  I’d consider cutting something out of the budget to make room for those people if you really want them there.


Post # 13
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

just plain rude. no way around it. wait and save up more money or cut people. dont cut kindness.

Post # 14
11 posts
  • Wedding: October 2012

Untraditional, and still in today’s society a tad on the rude side.  BUT, if you really want them to be able to celebrate, perhaps you can have an encore of sorts.  My fiance and I are doing this just because we have some guests who can’t make it on our actual wedding day.  We have some of those friends joining us for the rehearsal dinner, which really for us, is just a fun dinner with our family and friends.  And then some others who can’t make it for the rehearsal or wedding are going to join us for the after party following the reception or brunch the day after.  Just a suggestion!

And if you end up having to leave them off, true friends will be understanding, not petty.  If you have people throwing a huff instead of being happy for you, then they probably should not be at your wedding anyway.  Blunt, but that’s my opinion.


Good luck!

Post # 15
3266 posts
Sugar bee

@lilarose:  Yes it is rude.

It is called a tiered reception. The point of the reception is to thank your guests for coming out.  How cam only some guests be worthy of thanking people.  I also think it puts more importance on being invited then is warrented.  Many people, myself included, don’t find being invited to a wedding to be an honour.  I will always go if I can, but if someone couldn’t invite me that would be ok too.  It really doesn’t matter to me.

How would you also avoid 2 people talking, one having to leave for a moment saying “I will catch up with you during dinner” to the other person saying “dinner?  What dinner?  I was only invited to the ceremony”.  Then you will look like a jerk to all your guests.

Post # 16
12973 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes, it’s very, very rude and I’d be very offended to be told I was good enough to come to your ceremony, but not good enough to come to the reception.  Which, basically, is what you’re telling those guetss.

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