(Closed) Is this rude?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: is it rude
    yes : (15 votes)
    50 %
    no : (13 votes)
    43 %
    other, please explain : (2 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    2951 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 1998

    @imanw:  I think you should find out their names. 

    Post # 4
    1502 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I would contact the guest you do know and ask their +1’s name.  I recently went to a wedding and the seating chart said “kb7 and guest” even though my friend knows my SO well and we’ve been together for 6 years!  I have a feeling her mom made the chart or something, but it was a little offensive.

    Post # 5
    609 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Are there a large number of these people? Is it possible to get their name from the person you are inviting? If not, i would put John Smith and Guest.

    Post # 6
    617 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Many of the weddings I have been to listed it as John Smith and Guest – I was never insulted.

    Post # 7
    2749 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I don’t think it’s rude per se, but I believe the proper way to do this is to call your invitee and ask for the name of their guest. 

    Post # 8
    319 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I don’t think it’s rude to put “and guest” but I think it says alot when you go out of your way (not even by much) to find out the guests name.  I actually had a guest approach me after the wedding and told me how happy their “plus one” was to see their name on the invitation and escort card.  He said it made her feel really good and excited to come to the wedding.  I think such a small act on your part can say so much =)

    Post # 9
    1696 posts
    Bumble bee

    A hostess’s kind, personal attention is what distinguishes a gracious social affair from a commercial public event. Knowing your guests’ names is the minimum level of attention to detail that could be described as kind and personal. That these guests are being brought by some other guest makes no difference: all the guests who enter under your roof are *your* guests. By the most formal standards you would have found out their names even before sending invitations out, so that you could invite them yourself. But even if you skipped that detail, you would not want to omit the personal attention on your wedding night itself.


    Post # 10
    14 posts
    • Wedding: August 2013

    As has already been said, if you are able to find out the name of the significant other, I think that extra effort would really be appriciated. It doesn’t take very long to pick up a phone to call “John Smith” to ask.


    Post # 11
    914 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    The only time that it is okay to put “and guest” is when even your guest doesn’t know who they are bringing until it is feasibly too late to put it on the cards (like a day or two before, but even still then). Good luck!

    Post # 12
    5955 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Try to find out their names, but if you can’t I’d say So and So’s Guest (instead of party).  

    Post # 13
    4464 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I would make every effort to find out the person’s name first. I guess if you really have difficulty tracking someone down – or that person is indecisive about who they are bringing – then you can go with the plan mentioned here. But I would make this Plan B, not the main plan. 

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