Post # 1
So I’m in a bit of a dilemma here and I can’t decide if I’m being a bit rude/selfish or justified in my mind set.
So my brother and his fiancée getting married a little under a year after my wedding. They are younger than me and still starting off a bit in life. So I know their budget for their wedding is significantly less than mine (my parents are giving both my brother and I equal amounts but my Fiance and I are fortunate enough to supplement that budget with our own savings).
Ive done a lot of work in DIYing a lot of my wedding decor items in order to save money for my own wedding costs. And as I’ve gone through and bought all the supplies and taken the time to craft these things, part of what made it worth it was knowing I could resell it after the wedding to recoup some of the costs of making them.
To help my brother and his Fiance out, since I know how expensive weddings can be, is that I want to offer some of these DIY items for them to use again at their wedding if they so wish. That way they save time and money since I’ve already put in the elbow grease.
My question is, is it rude to ask for these things back after their wedding so I can still resell them if they are still in good condition? Part of me feels a bit greedy asking them to give it back but at the same time, I’m already helping them save a bunch of money by using the items for free that I should still get to recoup any resell costs.
What do you think bees? I havent yet made the offer to them so I can go either way!
Post # 2
If I was in your situation, I would just explain and say that you were wanting to sell them, but thought if they were interested in anything that you’d be happy for them to use it for their day before you go ahead and sell it.
Post # 3
It’s not rude at all. Just make it clear that you are offering with the understanding that you are loaning them the items and would hope to resell after they use them.
I thought you were going to say you felt petty in not wanting to lend out your DIY at all, or wanted to charge them, but this is a no brainer.
Post # 4
misspeony55 : No, it’s not rude. I think it’s very nice. You’re not giving and then taking back, you’re offering to lend. If they want to keep their decor for some reason, they can decline your offer. But there’s nothing wrong with loaning them your stuff and expecting it back afterwards.
Post # 5
misspeony55 : I don’t think it’s rude at all; just be sure you communicate to them that you were planning on reselling items but are happy to set anything aside for them to use first. I think any reasonable person would be grateful to just borrow them and then not have to worry about what to do with them after! (I say that as a bride still trying to figure out what to do with a lot of my diy decor 5 months later…)
Post # 6
Of course a loan isn’t rude! In fact it makes it nice and easy for them as they won’t have to figure out what to do with the things afterwards! You can say ‘hey, I’m planning to sell the stuff from my wedding but you’re very welcome to borrow it for your wedding first if you’d like’.
Post # 7
misspeony55 : I think that would be perfectly acceptable. You’re saving them the money of having to make those things themselves so it’s totally within reason to want the items back after. I think it’s pretty nice of you to offer to let them use the stuff before selling it all.
Post # 8
Agree with PP that as long as you’re up front there’s no issue. If they’re on a budget themselves they will hopefully understand wanting to recoup decor costs!
Post # 9
I agree, it’s not rude at all. It’s very nice of you to offer it to them. Just be upfront about it so they know it’s more of a loan and not a no-strings-attached gift. Something like “I was planning on reselling x, y, z, after my wedding. You are welcome to use them, if you’d like, and then I’ll sell them after your wedding.”
Post # 10
It’s very nice of you to offer your decor for their wedding. I agree it’s a good idea to tell them up front about your intention to have the items back for possible resell, but I would be prepared to not get them back exactly how you want. With every use, you run the risk of damage, loss, etc.
Post # 11
That’s really sweet, bee! Definitely let them know that you will sell the items, but they are welcome to use them if they want. Be prepared for them so say no, and don’t take that personally.
Post # 12
I had a friend in your situation, she lent decor to a friend andssud please return after– the friend left the stuff at the venue and the venue trashed it. Supposedly friend’s mom was in charge of taking stuff home and left it by mistake. And nobody noticed for days, until too late! venue had trashed it.
So my advice: if you want it back you need to take it home yourself after the wedding. Nobody cares about other people’s property
Post # 13
I dont think its rude, in fact my Brother-In-Law did the same for us. They saved all of their wedding stuff knowing that his brother (my H) and her brother would be getting married. We’re married and used a few things, and will give it back and then its her brothers turn to use it. Once we’re all done they will sell everything and finally clean out their garage XD
Post # 14
Nope not rude at all. DH’s cousin let us borrow her decorations from her wedding (a lot of it was brand new never opened) and asked us to return them back to her when the wedding was over. We were so grateful for her generosity, that I wanted to make sure everything was returned to her in great shape. I pre-arranged a small army of people to help us immediately take down and box up the decor right after the reception was over. I made one of my Bridesmaid or Best Man and Groomsmen be in charge of going through each box and making sure ALL of the decor were nicely packed and that everything was loaded into my car before we left (we had numbered the boxes so that nothing was accidentally lost).
I would say as the recipient of DH’s cousin’s generosity, it meant so much to us that she went out of her way to help us. It definitely brought us closer and Darling Husband & I find we will go the extra mile for her and any of her events because of her generosity.
Post # 15
I would offer them or sell them, but not both.