Post # 46
I think maybe you are overreacting. Its basically impossible to make a right choice about how to do the guest list- do you invite the partners of your closest friends who you don’t know well, at the expense of say, an aunt you love? I think your partner’s friends are trying to compromise and acknowledge your relationship while also trying to have an intimate ceremony.
I’d also say if anything about a wedding invite offends you, then just don’t go! To my mind there’s nothing worse than the idea that you are planning a wedding and inviting people and paying for them and then they come and are MAD at you for not doing it correctly, so now you paid for them to come and they went and didn’t have a nice time. That seems like a failure on all sides. Certainly there are rude brides and grooms, but overall people are just doing their best to deal with the fact that everyone from their spouse to their mom to their aunt all the way down to their friends girlfriend they don’t really know, are all expecting them to do the wedding a certain way or be considered rude and I can tell you none of those people are going to agree.
Anytime a wedding feels like a thing you won’t sincerely enjoy, I say just don’t go. Send a nice card thanking them for the invite and go off and do something else nice that weekend.
Post # 47
What the majority of posters don’t seem to be grasping is that this couple isn’t hosting ANYTHING. They’re telling people to meet at a bar and they’ll bring some cake. Nobody is saying you need to break the bank with a wedding . I certainly didn’t but everyone I invited I made sure was hosted with food and booze. That meant not inviting 2nd cousins I only see at the holidays and cutting out programs/favors and other misc things that most people don’t care about. I’m all for hosting within your means but this couple isn’t hosting anything. And yes, if I was invited to a reception where I wasn’t invited to the ceremony and there was no food beyond a slice of cake and I had to pay for my own drinks then I would think the couple was being gift grabby af.
Post # 48
I’m wondering if the bride & groom felt pressured to invite the OP. It seems that everything is pretty informal here. Did invites (written formal) actually get sent out? Or did the “invitation” for the get together afterwards happen as a Facebook or email or text message? This doesn’t seem like a reception but more like a friendly get-together. It seems to me that the “thank you for participating in my wedding” is in the form of the hosted dinner prior to the wedding. That seems pretty appropriate to me.
Post # 49
- Wedding: August 2018 - Location
Ok I have not read through all four pages, so my apologies if this has been asked/answered already, but:
What is the point of this “rehearsal” dinner? If they’re not rehearsing the ceremony, it’s basically just asking the family and bridal party to have dinner with them two nights in a row? Cause the next day after the ceremony there’s also a dinner yes?
Post # 50
I came back to a ton of comments and I’m too lazy to answer them all. I really appreciate the differing of opinions here though, so thank you all!
First off, I do not think there is anything, ANYTHING, wrong with have a small, intimate wedding. My parents got married in a very no fuss, courthouse wedding, and they’ve been married for 30 years! I applaud people who put the insane amount of money that a wedding costs to better use, like a down payment on a house. It’s a smart decision, and I have zero issues with that. I also believe that people who are getting married have a right to do what they want. You don’t want an open ceremony? Fine. You don’t want to invite this person or that person? Okay. Do what you want, it is your day.
However, this is not an instance of the couple not being able to afford these things. They absolutely can. They should also absolutely spend as much or as little money as they would like. That’s fine. This is just an instance where it’s this unique, in between kind of event that I personally have never experienced before. As a person that is also in the middle of planning a wedding, I can say that my bridal party’s significant others will be invited to my rehearsal dinner. But again, I am doing what I want with my money for my wedding. I do agree with someone above that said a couple is like a unit, invite one and the other should be invited. I’m not someone that my fiancé met last week and wants to be invited to the rehearsal dinner (I honestly don’t care about the ceremony, they want it intimate and there are capacity issues) I am marrying this guy. I have been with him longer than this couple has known each other. But again, who cares, it’s not my day.
So I guess this is just an example of, there are no social “rules” anymore, which isn’t a bad thing. I’m a big girl and I’ll suck it up, all the while remembering that my day will be here shortly and I’ll get to do as I please 😊
Thank you again for all of your responses!