Is this rude? Am i overreacting?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 46
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I think maybe you are overreacting. Its basically impossible to make a right choice about how to do the guest list- do you invite the partners of your closest friends who you don’t know well, at the expense of say, an aunt you love? I think your partner’s friends are trying to compromise and acknowledge your relationship while also trying to have an intimate ceremony.

I’d also say if anything about a wedding invite offends you, then just don’t go! To my mind there’s nothing worse than the idea that you are planning a wedding and inviting people and paying for them and then they come and are MAD at you for not doing it correctly, so now you paid for them to come and they went and didn’t have a nice time. That seems like a failure on all sides.  Certainly there are rude brides and grooms, but overall people are just doing their best to deal with the fact that everyone from their spouse to their mom to their aunt all the way down to their friends girlfriend they don’t really know, are all expecting them to do the wedding a certain way or be considered rude and I can tell you none of those people are going to agree.

Anytime a wedding feels like a thing you won’t sincerely enjoy, I say just don’t go. Send a nice card thanking them for the invite and go off and do something else nice that weekend. 

Post # 47
973 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

What the majority of posters don’t seem to be grasping is that this couple isn’t hosting ANYTHING.   They’re telling people to meet at a bar and they’ll bring some cake.  Nobody is saying you need to break the bank with a wedding .  I certainly didn’t but everyone I invited I made sure was hosted with food and booze.  That meant not inviting 2nd cousins I only see at the holidays and cutting out programs/favors and other misc things that most people don’t care about.   I’m all for hosting within your means but this couple isn’t hosting anything.  And yes, if I was invited to a reception where I wasn’t invited to the ceremony and there was no food beyond a slice of cake and I had to pay for my own drinks then I would think the couple was being gift grabby af.  

Post # 48
2556 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’m wondering if the bride & groom felt pressured to invite the OP. It seems that everything is pretty informal here.  Did invites (written formal) actually get sent out? Or did the “invitation” for the get together afterwards happen as a Facebook or email or text message? This doesn’t seem like a reception but more like a friendly get-together. It seems to me that the “thank you for participating in my wedding” is in the form of the hosted dinner prior to the wedding. That seems pretty appropriate to me.

Post # 49
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

Ok I have not read through all four pages, so my apologies if this has been asked/answered already, but:


What is the point of this “rehearsal” dinner? If they’re not rehearsing the ceremony, it’s basically just asking the family and bridal party to have dinner with them two nights in a row? Cause the next day after the ceremony there’s also a dinner yes? 

Leave a comment

Find Amazing Vendors