(Closed) Is this rude and make it awkward?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 4
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

So you’re worried that if your first choice cant commit she will be offended that you asked someone else? Am I understanding this correctly?

Post # 5
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Go with the friend that can commit although I don’t know you would buy plane tickets and a hotel for someone you’re not sure will commit to your wedding.  I guess you are saying she won’t commit to Maid/Matron of Honor duties but she will commit to being a guest?  Ask the friend that will commit and if the out of town friend asks just say that you needed a Maid/Matron of Honor that could help out with the details and planning.  If the one you ask is local and the other one isn’t it should go over fine.  There will always be hurt feelings but she will get over it.

Post # 8
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Why not have a Maid of Honor and a Man of Honor?  Have the best of both worlds, avoid hurt feelings, and divide their duties.

Post # 10
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

So your first choice has said “she’s going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, no matter what” so why do you think she wont be able to stand up with you? Sounds like she wont be abel to help plan. Is that the issue?

Post # 12
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013


Pick the person that can commit and will be there to be your Maid/Matron of Honor (sounds like your guy friend.)

For the other two, ask them to be maids of honor, or whatever you want to call your female attendants if you aren’t having bridesmaids. If they can’t commit to being in the wedding party, just invite them as guests.

I think it’s fine to invite those close friends to do the girly things even if they can’t commit to being in the wedding party. I think the hurt feelings come in when people are asked to do “wedding party things” but are never asked to be in the wedding party–asking them to be in the party and discovering they can’t doesn’t require their exclusion.

Post # 13
228 posts
Helper bee

Why not just have two female attendants, with neither being maid of honor?

Post # 15
748 posts
Busy bee

Well if the first person can’t comitt there shouldn’t be a problem, but if the second person get’s asked she may feel like she wasn’t good enough to be asked first – but if you talk to her, she may understand and be okay with it.

Post # 16
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would just not have a maid of honor. I’ve known several people who’ve done this to avoid “picking favorites”. I’m sure your more consistent friends will fill in the traditional “maid of honor” duties. My Maid/Matron of Honor had a newborn, and all my BMs picked up the slack, no problem.

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