(Closed) Is this rude? I can't get the vegetarian option.

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2876 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@newcitylights: my venue had limits on the number of special diet options.

eg there was only one entree (standard in mexico rather than having 2 meat/fish/chicken options) or the  vegetarian option (which was also nut and dairy free). the maximum number of people who were allowed the vegetarian option was 10% total guests (or less)

if people who didnt require it due to diet had chosen it then menu would have defaulted to that for everyone, making all the meat eaters unhappy.

maybe something similar? 

Post # 4
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wow. I’d never heard of something like that.

 

If I were you, I’d just call/email the bride and ask to be put on the “wait list” for the vegetarian plate or something….

 

 

Post # 5
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@newname_99:  I second this. The vegetarian option is apparently more expensive through my caterer, but they aren’t going to charge us any extra because only a few people will need it. If it were one of the general options, that would significantly raise our pp price. So, yeah. I think it’s probably by request of their caterer. I wouldn’t worry about it too much. If none of the food looks good, pack a granola bar.

 

Post # 6
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

That does does rub me the wrong way.  “Check out this yummy sounding meal that you meat eaters can’t have, nyah nyah nyah.”  I’m not a vegetarian but I don’t eat meat with every meal and it’s not uncommon for me to choose the vegetarian meal at events just because it sounds the tastiest. 

If the hosts want to limit the number of people choosing the vegetarian option for whatever reason, what they should have done is left the vegetarian option off of the response card and instead added a note that guests with dietary restrictions should contact the bride and groom.

Post # 7
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here… lol

Not technically RUDE if you are not a Vegetarian.

As the Couple have told you what the Menu Choices are… for their Guests… Chicken or Fish.

The reasoning behind having the Vegetarian Option ONLY for Vegetarians, is no doubt the fact that there is an added cost to the couple for the “special menu” item (in this case a Vegetarian Plate)

As Asia: has said the Venue has probably said, they’ll charge the flat per head rate for all the Guests as long as the Vegetarian Requests are less than such a percentage (so many plates overall)

Personally, this is a case where I’d either call the Bride..

And be super polite in asking… and say that you understand completely WHY the need to do so.. BUT if you can be wait listed

(Altho by doing so this is tricky.. because if she is already overstressed on the RSVP cycle… which most Brides are… she could very well see you as another “PITA Guest”) 

OR…

Put a note on your RSVP… and she’ll do whatever she can.

So for example… Check Off – CHICKEN

But put a Star * next to VEGETARIAN and a hand written note on the card saying you’d really prefer that option if at all possible.

When the Bride does her count, she’ll be able to maybe fit you in.

And you’ve tried to be not too much of a pain… so maybe it’ll work out for you.  Worse case scenario you get the chicken… and if you aren’t soo jazzed about the food so be it (maybe other Guests feel the same way)…

BUT in the end, Guests are supposed to be gracious about whatever is served to them… if you don’t like it, and are still hungry.. leave early.. and hit your favourite late night spot on the way home.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 8
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

TO @sailor:  True enough…

BUT in this “cut & paste” world… where everything is done for speed… and just cookie cutter copying of someone else’s ideas… and lack of personalization (thoughtfulness) the Bride probably just used a standard template for her RSVP Cards, and never thought of such a thing.

But you are right… that would be the way to go for any Bride reading this and making plans for their own Wedding.

And also making such a note on their Wedding Website as well… on the Menu Page

*Anyone with Dietary Restrictions (including Vegetarians) should contact us directly*

 

Post # 9
Member
5014 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

If you eat meat, I would just take the meat option and try to be gracious. Who cares? It’s just one meal out of your whole life and they’re paying for it. There’s probably some stipulation from the venue where they have to pay more for every “special” meal. I think its really silly to make a big fuss about it.

Post # 10
Member
741 posts
Busy bee

@RunnerBride13:  +1.It’s not like it’s a restaurant and you are paying for your meal, it is a hosted event celebrating a union.

I don’t think it has anything to do with rubbing it in anyones face, basically vegetarians always have to see yummy meat meals that we can’t have with pretty weak replacement options (ex. go to a barbeque to only eat potato salad).

I am guessing it is probably more of a practicality issue. I bet the number of vegetarian dishes are limited and/or more expensive. I am a vegetarian and I would be very grateful if someone who had more options would leave the vegetarian plate as an option for me :-).

Post # 11
Member
5014 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@rusticbee2014:  I agree, but on the opposite side of the coin, I wouldn’t even be upset if there wasn’t a vegetarian meal. If I was served steak, I would eat the sides and salad/bread/cake and it would be fine. If I had a heartier appetite and were still hungry, I’d have a snack when I got home. I don’t think it’s other peoples’ jobs to accommodate my lifestyle choices, or even dietary restriction (ie Celiac disease). Sure it’s nice, but I certainly don’t think it’s a requirement. 

Post # 12
Member
9692 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@RunnerBride13:  +1.

Free food, and you’re not a vegetarian. I’m not sure I’m seeing the issue here. It’s her day, not yours. I think you can eat the chicken or fish for the free meal (considering you eat meat anyway). The bride is trying to accomodate her guests who have legitimate dietary restrictions, not make her wedding into a restaurant menu.

Post # 13
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I know that at my venue, I would get upcharged if vegetarian entrees made up more than 10% of the order. Your hosts might be facing the same conditions. This is one of those situations where fussing about it will just waste your energy. I’m sure every meal will be delicious, just decide if it’s worth it to lie and pretend to be a vegetarian, or simply eat the meat entree. 

Post # 14
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

The vegetarian option at our venue is so delicious that we wanted it make it a standard option — however, it is significantly more expensive and just to make it an option to everyone would raise our catering bill by nearly $1000. But as PPs have mentioned, if it is less than a certain percentage, the venue takes care of the extra cost.

Post # 15
Member
1098 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

If their venue is anything like my venue then they are having to pay more out of pocket for those vegetarian meals on top of what they are already paying per head. 

FI and I are vegetarians and we always get shafted when we go to weddings. Rolls and salad don’t make a meal (especially if that salad is Ceasar which is super not vegetarian friendly) so at least you have two full meal options that you can eat. 

Post # 16
Member
741 posts
Busy bee

@RunnerBride13:  I think this we are getting a little bit off topic now.  But I see what you mean and agree on some level. I was speaking from a hosting perspective (that I would like to have options for others) and not a guest perspecitve (that I expect for there to be options for everyone – I would like it, of course, but not expect it).

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