Post # 1
There is a wedding in our family next year that is coming up for the younger of two sisters, cousins to H. The families are very close. The parents of the women and the cousins themselves come to almost every wedding, anniversary party or milestone birthday party, often driving hundreds of miles or flying if it’s out of town.
MIL has complained about the music at the first D’s wedding for years, saying it was eardrum piercing and continuous. Even many of the young people acknowledged this was true. She’s recently talked to her cousin and asked her if the DJ would be the same and found out that he wlll be. The MOB agrees with my MIL that the music was loud and admits that there were some complaints. She claims that the DJ refused to adjust the volume, even for the bride and groom. I am highly skeptical about that.
MIL is now saying that she thinks it’s a compliment to tell the family that she considers the wedding so important that she will travel hundreds of miles to attend the ceremony only, but not the reception.
Is this a slap in their faces considering the close relationship and all the effort they make to attend important family functions? What do you think?! I’ll weigh in later.
Post # 3
For God’s sake, make an appearance, and excuse yourself early. It’s not that complicated.
Post # 4
The wedding is the most important thing. That is where people support the joining in marriage. If a person isn’t comfortable at a party with loud music I wouldn’t hold that against them.
Post # 5
If the music bothers her that much and she is willing to travel for the ceremony alone, I don’t even understand why this would be an issue for the bride and groom, much less anyone else.
She will see them united in marriage and they will save the cost of one plate at the reception.
Post # 6
@weddingmaven: Maybe I’m a bitch but.. that’s one less seat to take care of. One less meal to pay for. Whatever.
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta
Really loud music bothers me too. REALLY loud music bothers everyone. Maybe she is assuming it is going to be very very loud. Get ear plugs and get over it.
Post # 9
So lets get this straight, the family is rehiring a dj that supposed wouldn’t turn down the music for the bride and groom?If multiple guest complained about it it leads me to belive that it was more then loud and probably unbearable. Why should any guest subject themselves to that all night.
I think your Mother in law should attended the ceremony, stay for dinner before the music gets loud then leave. It’s a perfectly fine compromise in my eyes.
Post # 10
Yeah I also stuck on the family hiring the same DJ they got complaints about and the guy wouldn’t even turn down the music for the bride and groom? Not smart planning in my book.
If she shows for the wedding and has no intention of sitting through the really loud music she has done nothing wrong, and it is much better to tell the couple now so that they don’t pay for her meal.
I went to a wedding last weekend where we couldn’t hardly talk because of the volume of the music. It is a pet peeve of mine. A really big pet peeve.
Post # 11
I don’t see a point in attending a reception where the music is going to be so loud that earplugs would be necessary. How are you supposed to have a good time if you can’t even have a nice conversation with anyone because the music is so loud?
Post # 12
We had the same thing happen at my nephew’s wedding last summer. Even with all the complaints, the DJ DID refuse to lower the volume. His solution was simply to turn the speakers in a different direction which made it a little less ear piercing, but still awful.
I think attending the wedding ceremony itself is perfectly fine.
Post # 13
@strawbabies: Right. I think it’s rude to host guest in a manner that would make them uncomfortable for the whole night. I’m 28 and I wouldn’t stay there all night.
It seems to me if the couple wants their guest to have a good time they would play the music at a reasonable level.
Post # 14
Thanks for the replies so far. There are an interesting mix of opinions and I can see both sides, but in this case, I have to agree with the majority.
I really do think it’s inconsiderate to have the music so loud that people are wearing earplugs the whole night and hiding out in the lobby. I hate weddings like this, myself. But short of a medical condition, I also think it’s something MIL could try to deal with for a few short hours of time, especially considering the herculean efforts that these people have gone to for her and her family in the past. She feels that it would be ruder on her part to waste their money if she’s going to be out in the lobby all night. Somehow, I don’t think they will see it that way, but nothing we say will convince her.
On a side note, I’m skeptical that a DJ would not listen to the people paying his bill. My suspicion is that this is what people say to guests when there is criticism and what the band or DJ say to guests who try to get them to turn down the volume.
Post # 16
@weddingmaven: I didn’t tick because my option is in between: MIL should attend the reception and leave the minute the music gets loud.
No one should be so uncomfortable at an event that they need earplugs. Plus, if the music’s so loud, what’s the point of being there? You can’t talk to anyone so you might as well leave.
I think most of the blame lies with the hosts. It is really inconsiderate of them to be re-hiring the same DJ when they were complaints about the music level last time.