(Closed) Is this rude or am I overreacting?

posted 4 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Was she rude or no?
    Yes, she was rude : (76 votes)
    33 %
    No, you're the rude one : (61 votes)
    26 %
    Y'all were BOTH rude : (95 votes)
    41 %
    Other, please explain : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    1586 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Yeah, that’s rude. It’s unfortunate for her but you’re roommates. It means you both have an equal share of your home and unless you are ALWAYS doing it, she should either step out if it bothers her, crank up the TV, put on headphones or deal with it. Just because she doesn’t want to hear it doesn’t mean you should be celibate. 

    Post # 4
    9567 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2018

    Perhaps she has heard you a few times before, and is sick of it, and just snapped. While it is slightly rude of her to say it during, I see why she did. I may be biassed because my sister and her boyfriend are really loud (well my sister is) and I can hear them even if I am watching something on my computer. And I have talked to her about it, but I seriously consider yelling at them to stop when I can hear them. And it is sort of gross hearing it from someone you are close to. So perhaps look at oiling the springs or something on your bed, keeping your mouth shut completely during sex, try doing it on something less squeaky, soundproof your room. Yes it is fair for roommates to understand that the others will get busy, BUT it is respectful to not make noise that they can hear. She shouldn’t have to watch TV if she doesn’t want to just because you want to have sex. That isn’t fair.


    Post # 5
    8995 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @Jacqui90:  This is pretty much what I wanted to say. +1

    Post # 6
    1286 posts
    Bumble bee

    Yeah, it’s rude, and immature.  Next time, just tell her to leave for a half hour if she doesn’t like it. You pay half the rent too.

    Post # 7
    7119 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    TBH I think you’re both at fault. If she called you out on the noise and you kept making noise I believe that is rude as well. I think  there are other ways for her to approach this but at the same time, when she said something the first time I probably would have stopped.

    ETA: I understand spur of the moment but it only takes a couple of seconds to turn on the TV.

    Post # 8
    11284 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @LadyBlackheart:  i’ve never had a room mate so i have personally never been in this situation.  i would imagine it would be a bit uncomfortable for all involved.

    i know that when we have visitors (usually our parents) stay at our house we put the tv on in the bedroom to mask any potential noise.  the next morning we would ask them casually if our tv was too loud.  thank god, they never even heard the tv.

    Post # 9
    5222 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @LadyBlackheart:  when DH and I first started having sleepovers at my place,  my roommate at the time did something very similar. We came home one night after a dinner date and went straight to my room to have some alone time. The next day she sent me a text that said,  “y’all are weird and its disrespectful to have sex when someone else in the house. And another thing, people don’t have sex at 9pm!”

    It was in that moment that I decided I had outgrown the roommate situation because there always comes a point where it doesn’t matter WHAT the person does,  it royally pisses you off. I moved and we briefly lived with DHs roommates ( for about 3 months) and those guys didn’t care one single bit.  One of them told us we needed new brakes for the bed ( it was creaky, too)… and that was it. To me,  it’s just a hazard of living with other people. Noises will be made,  some people like to get up early and make pungent food for breakfast or someone has testy bowels with frequent blow outs in the bathroom. If she can’t handle scenarios like that, rooming with someone is going to be a headache! 


    Post # 10
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

    I don’t think being a roomie with someone means anyone HAS to get used to hearing sex.  The respectful thing to do is to make sure they do NOT hear you having sex. Turning on the TV, putting music on, not making noises… any of those things would do.  Calling it spur of the moment as a reason not to do those things is making an excuse for yourself.

    I don’t think it was rude at all. You should not be upset about this.

    Post # 11
    3357 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I don’t even have sex if there’s someone else around because of situations like this. I wouldn’t appreciate it if I could hear someone having sex, so I don’t do the same to them.

    SO glad I got rid of roommates my third year college onwards.

    Post # 13
    5222 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @LadyBlackheart:  I can definitely see both sides of it but when the texts start and people start honing in on the annoying habits of others,  IMO it is time to either (a) lighten up or (b) move on. It is unreasonable to expect a roommate to cease and desist all sexual encounters. If every day you’re banging on the walls acting like a pornstar then yeah,  I could see the annoyance. If it’s a one off thing,  I think it was an overreaction.

    Post # 14
    5110 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I think both of you have been rude. She shouldn’t have mentioned it during or texting after but should have spoken to you face to face if it was bothering her. You have to respect that people feel differently about sex than you do. You can’t honestly expect a room mate to adapt to suit you because you are making noise when she is in the house. I would find that really cringy but sure as hell wouldn’t be leaving the flat, altering my habits just to accommodate you having sex. Fingers crossed you can come to some middle ground and get on ok until you move in January… and then you can make as much (or as little!) noise as you want.

    Post # 15
    777 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    @LadyBlackheart:  TBH, I think you were more rude than she was. I hate overhearing people have sex (thankfully, haven’t had to deal with that since college!) I understand it was spur of the moment, but I think your respect for your roommate should come first in this situation. It’s not her job to drown you guys out. It’s your responsibility to make sure she doesn’t hear you.

    Post # 16
    1681 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @LadyBlackheart:  I don’t think she should have said anything DURING the act (especially twice, geesh!), but I don’t think you’re totally innocent either. I wouldn’t have sex when someone else is home. It’s a private intimate moment to be shared in love. It would gross me out/annoy me if was doing that while I was around. Then again, I would just leave the house (and make it known later that I would really prefer you let me know ahead of time so I don’t have to hear it. I understand this was spur of the moment, though.)

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