Post # 1
Hi bees! Fiance and I are looking at reception venues. The one I like best is limited in seating, but beautiful and in our budget.
Fiance has nearly 11 nieces and nephews under 18. I have 2 (both of whom I will be in the bridal party). If we invite his nieces and nephews, it would be more than 1/8 of the guest list.
Here’s what I’m struggling with – is it rude to only invite the children in the bridal party? Will people be upset by it? I definitely don’t want to be rude but am trying to keep an eye on logistics/budget.
What are your thoughts?
Post # 3
I’m not sure about that … I would have thought no children at all. Let’s see what other Bees think about it.
Post # 4
@MoonlitMagnolia: If your niece and nephew are in the bridal party it’s OK. Otherwise it would be rude to pick and choose.
Post # 5
Ohh, sorry OP i read that wrong. ”Children in the bridal party”, you mean the flower girl and all ? I read ”children of the bridal party”, like your BMs’s children, and I thought if that means half the nephews will be there, that might be odd not to let other people bring their kids.
I would change my vote to no, it’s not rude then !
Post # 6
On one hand – yeah, they’re in the bridal party. But on the other hand – YOUR family is in the bridal party and HIS isn’t?
But I’m a scorched earth kind of gal – all or nothing – and it hasn’t always worked out well for me, so…
Post # 7
I don’t think it is rude to only have children who are in the bridal party, but it is weird that you only have 2 and they are both in the bridal party while none of his are. I think that is what more people will get upset about.
Post # 8
My guest list is super limited (50) and I’ve had to cut a lot of people. I’m having an adult wedding and reception with the exception of FI’s neice and nephew. I don’t think it’s rude to exclude children, your wedding is small, you should be able to choose who you want there…but sometimes parents get really offended. I don’t care though.
That might make me seem like a horrible person to some.
Still don’t care :-
Post # 9
@MoonlitMagnolia: I kinda agree with the all or nothing approach. It kinda rubs me the wrong way that the only kids invited AND the only kids in the wedding party are your side. We’re just blanket inviting kids, they’re 18 of the 118 on our guest list. It is what it is.
Post # 10
@QuirkySocialite: I don’t think you’re a horrible person at all! It’s your wedding. Plus, someone’s bound to be offended even if you do everything right =)
OP, we followed the same rule (adults only, except our flower girl) and it made it so much easier to just have that line drawn. I think people would understand your decision, especially since it sounds like you’re having a smaller wedding.
Post # 11
DH’s niece and nephews were in our bridal party and they were the only children invited to our wedding, unless it was an infant. It’s fine to only have the children in your wedding party at your wedding as they have a role.
Post # 12
I am having no children at my reception (except for my cousin who will have her 2 month new born – she could not come without the new born since she lives out of state). My 2 nephews will be in the wedding party, but they will go with their babysitter after the ceremony so they will not attend the reception. My brother did not feel like watching them either at the reception lol Perhaps that could be an option as well for you?
Post # 13
@MoonlitMagnolia: As long as you are consistent with your “rule” then I think it’s fine. I personally wouldn’t attend a wedding if I couldn’t bring my children but I know that most people would.
Post # 14
Usually I think it’s fine to just invite those in the wedding party, however, as a guest I would think it’s strange that it’s just your side in the wedding party and if that was done on purpose (so you could just invite them and not his side).
Post # 15
@MoonlitMagnolia: It’s fine not to have any cildren except for the ones in the bridal party. They have a role in your wedding, so it’s not like they’re attending becuause you prefer them over the other kids or anything.
People might grumble about the only kids invited being from your side, but really there isn’t any solution to that. If you invited some kids from DH’s side to be in the bridal party then all of the others are going to feel left out and you would have to invite all of the kids. Do you want a bridal party of 13 children? Only having kids from your side isn’t exactly fair, but it’s better than picking and choosing with your FH’s nieces and nephews – that really would be favoritism.
What you’ve devised seems like the best solution. Make sure you stick to only the bridal party (none of the chosen children’s little siblings or whatever) and you should be fine.
Post # 16
I appreciate all the responses so much! Wonderful to get everyone’s opinions.
Re: why my nieces and not his: I’m very close to my nieces, he’s not very close with his. (I babysit my younger niece overnight at least twice a month, I’ve seen his nieces and nephews maybe twice in the nearly 3 years we’ve been together.) I know that doesn’t make it seem any more fair, but at least it does hopefully give some context as to why my family and not his.
Again, thank you! Lots to think about. 🙂