(Closed) Is this rude to add on the wedding invitation?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
6262 posts
Bee Keeper

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1judejude:  It’s rude.  as pointed out above, it implies that you have no trust at all that the people receiving your invitation understand how those things work.  While they’ve proved that to be so in the past, it’s still not acceptable to do.  Why don’t you rent a room that has a max capacity of 50 (52?).  And then as suggested before, have them give their name at the door (to restaurant staff if possible) and all others are turned away.  You should have nothing to do with the part where people are sent home (or to have their own party in another area of the restaurant), but staff can explain that the room is at capacity for a private party and only invitees may enter.

Post # 18
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Cambridge Mill

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1judejude:  What about “we have included ____ seat(s) in your honour” simple and to the point. There was a recent topic about this and I have actually included this on my invites as well.

Post # 19
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6262 posts
Bee Keeper

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1judejude:  the randoms who show up, family or not, are not your problem.  Reserving another place in case they come univited is just going to support their decision to come univited.  Let them struggle for their own accommodations.  Give the hotel you already rented a list of guests to ‘hold’ the rooms for.

Post # 20
Member
2156 posts
Buzzing bee

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1judejude:  i mean, if talking to them doesn’t work…what makes you think having a note on the invitation will?

Post # 21
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee

I’m confused, you’re reserving all 50 rooms, for your 50 guests? Are all of your guests single??

Post # 25
Member
924 posts
Busy bee

I agree with what the others are saying. Have a list of those invited, let someone at the venue/restaurant know, give them the list and people have to give their name. Under no circumstances is anyone allowed in unless their name is on the list (meaning someone can’t say “they’re with me”). 

I’ve actually thought of doing something similar for RSVPs. If someone doesn’t rsvp and then shows up, they can’t eat because they aren’t on the list. Some may think it sounds rude, but hey… they were the one rude enough to just show up. I think it ultimately depends on the overall group. After all, while in general it may sound rude, if the “nearest and dearest” know these are like that, they should know it doesn’t apply to them. 

Post # 27
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee

If it’s going to be a destination wedding and you have rooms to be booked out to your guests, what will the wedding crashers do? Come for the wedding and stay elsewhere? Try to crash at your hotel with their invited relatives?

What you could potentially do is have the hotel itself turn uninvited guests away so that you don’t have to, at the ceremony/reception and for the hotel premises. I would notify your hotel that it is a possibility; your hotel probably would not like their rooms exceeding occupancy with random wedding crashers.

Post # 28
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I would be very overly clear and careful with the hotel staff about this because the wedding is in the country and culture of the extended family & family friends you fear will all just show up, if that is the norm in this country, it is easy to imagine the staff of the premises finding the additional swarm of self invited guests perfectly normal & expected and not act as the buffer to turn them away that you require because culturally they themselves would see it as offensive and unrelatable to stop the old lady claiming to be your old auntie and knows your name to come in? 

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