Post # 1
I just receiced an invitation from an old college friend who is getting married in August.
She included a little card that said “In lieu of gifts, please consider a monetary donation of $30 per person towards the cost of your meal.”
Ummm is it just me, or is this rude? I mean, I know that my friend is not extremely well-off, but it sort of rubbed me the wrong way, and im not sure how to react.
What are your thoughts about this?
Post # 3
It’s rude to mention gifts in any way, really.
It’s even more rude to ask gifts to pay for their meals!
Post # 4
I dnt like that at all, I’m nt opposed to wedding registries in the invite but wth making ppl pay for their own food to celebrate u is ridiculous I wouldn’t b surprised if ppl dnt RSVP
Post # 5
@mrswestcoast: Yeah, I’d say so. I think it’s fine to ask for cash gifts on your wedding website or something, but not on the invitaion. I also think it’s incredibly rude for them to tell you how much they want and I don’t like the idea of them essentially asking you to pay for your meal either. Wtf is wrong with some people?
Post # 6
I mean at least she said “in lieu” but yeah pretty rude.
Post # 7
@jenilynevette: Yea I thought it was weird she was just assuming everyone would get her gifts. (and gifts equivalent to 30 dollars) I know most people DO bring gifts to weddings so I wasnt sure if others thought this was rude
@Ruby-Redshoes: Yea, what if she invited my husband and (non existent) children? Would she expect us to pay 150?
@babypearls: I agree. I think its strange she invites us to her “party” and then expects us to pay..
Post # 8
It’s rude,…and cheap for that matter! If I go to a wedding, my gift is more than $60 per couple. it seems very rude and presumptious, she probably would receive more money not putting anything…now she just pissed people off. I would go straight to the registry, ha!
Post # 9
Etiquette Snob here… lol
You guessed it, that one is very very RUDE.
Not only does it get into the area of talking GIFTS (a word that should not be mentioned)
It actually says MONEY… (a word that should NEVER be mentioned)
And worse yet a specified amount $ 30
And the word DONATION… clearly reads FUNDRAISING Event
And then truly turns into a hot mess territory by linking the whole concept together… by saying it will cover your meal
(Being a Host and providing a meal is a choice… not a necessity / or a fundraising endeavour at a Wedding)
Sadly your friend has gone far far off the path…
I’d be in shock.
I’d be offended… but as nasty as it is… it would probably be more for her, than myself… as people will talk and I can only imagine what they’ll say about her poor etiquette rude behaviour.
Honestly, I’d most likey just send my regrets… and send a card. No gift, just a card… and wish her well
(I have a feeling she’s gonna need it in life)
Hope this helps,
PS… Yes I’d be tempted to send her an Etiquette Book… but ya know it is a fine line between being a well meaning friend (the OMG… someone has to tell her) and being a critic in one’s eyes… (sometimes tough love can be painful). So I’d just as I said, send the card alone.
Post # 10
Weddings are expensive, I literally cannot get to sleep some nights because I’m thinking of all the things I have to pay for to make this wedding happen. If one of my friends sent me a wedding invitation that asked for cash instead of gifts I would show up with a 100 dollar bill instead of $30 because I know that’s closer to the actual cost per head for a wedding guest.
Post # 11
@This Time Round: THank you for your reply! I never really considered why exactly it was rude, but that definitely makes sense.
I will probably go since we still keep in touch and she has asked me a couple times if I will be there, but I dont know if I should give money. I might have done it initailly, now it just feels weird
Post # 12
@novacaineandlaughter: Its good to think about it from that angle. Good point. She is probably not asking to be rude but because she actually needs the help.
Post # 13
I would find it off putting, but I wouldn’t give it a second thought. It wouldn’t bother me that much
Post # 14
@novacaineandlaughter: You are correct…but what she did is rude nonetheless.
Post # 15
Where I come from, it’s pretty normal to include information on gifts with the invitations (yes, even mentioning money!). But I think it’s bad form to state a “value” that your guests should give you – especially if she’s expecting that amount per person that comes to her wedding. Some people just can’t afford that much!
Having said that, I’m not one of the people that would shun a friend’s wedding simply because the invitation rubbed me up the wrong way – so I think you should go along, and give them whatever you feel comfortable giving.