(Closed) Is this stealing my thunder????

posted 13 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2008

That is so lame, where did he get that idea? That is not original nor is it romantic, and its kind of rude that he asked you (IMO). I would be offended, but I can understand why you would take the high road, and say yes that he could propose to her at your party.

I think my biggest fear is someone proposing at my wedding.

If he asks you again, I would tell him that you’re having second thoughts and that you think that your Bridesmaid or Best Man would appreciate a more romantic proposal. If I were that Bridesmaid or Best Man, and I got proposed to at a Bachelorette party, I would think that he’s nuts for doing that, and I would be embarassed and feel bad for the bride.

 

 

Post # 18
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I think its so silly to be afraid of people stealing your spotlight.  Nothings going to steal your spotlight — not a proposal, engagement, anniversary or birthday that happens to coincide with your event.    Its similar to Love – you don’t run out of it, there’s always enough to go around.    Attention is the same way!   i think Brides should be more focused on being graceous and accomodating their guests, making them comfortable, and thanking them for all they’ve done, as opposed to worrying about your thunder being stolen.   Thats basically the definition of bridezilla IMO

Post # 19
Member
1485 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Wow.  I think this is truly passive-aggressive of him.  He somehow, even in the moment of his proposal, feels the need to make her choose somehow between him and her girlfriends.  He can’t possibly let her have a nice weekend away with all of you without horning in…  and he also can’t let her have a romantic proposal that is all hers.  What is he expecting her to do after he pops the question – just go back to partying with you all while he quietly disappears?  Disappear with him?  If if was YOU, wouldn’t you want to be able to spend some quiet time with your new fiance, and be able to do it without abandoning your girlfriends?

It’s a truly awful idea.  What do you think would happen if one of you "just showed up" at the bachelor party?  That would be truly not cool.  And so is this. I would let him know that for her sake, you think it would be better if he proposed in some way that was all about her, as opposed to at a party that is really in your honor.  If he somehow feels the need for an audience, then he can schedule his own dinner party at a later time.

Post # 20
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

As a girl who’s been afraid of being the one to steal the thunder, I’d like to offer an opinion from my perspective. I agree with the majority of girls that a girls only weekend seems a terribly un-romantic time to propose to someone, and there’s a good chance the friend would not be pleased to get the proposal on that weekend.

And, while I respect the opinions of the girls who think a bride being worried about "stolen thunder" is a zilla, I don’t think it’s bridezilla behavior to want your special moments to be…yours. A bridezilla would freak out if anything detracted from her engagment/wedding during anytime in the planning process – upset that a pregnancy announcement came from a Bridesmaid or Best Man during a random luncheon where her wedding was being discussed. It’s not out of line to want the bachelorette weekend to be "girl time" where your upcoming nuptials are one of the main focuses. Of course the other girls will talk about their lives, etc., but that’s a far cry from one of them getting engaged at your bachelorette party.

My fiance proposed to me four days before my cousin’s wedding, and, while it was hard to keep it from my family until after the wedding, I did so out of respect for her and because when the announcement did come, I wanted to be able to get really excited with my family w/o feeling like I was sharing "my" moment with someone else as well. It’s not poor behavior to want a little attention during those rare and wonderful moments in our lives when something fabulous has happened – a proposal, a pregnancy, a new job, whatever.

Post # 21
Member
1929 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I think its inappropriate personally.  This is a weekend for you and your girlfriends, and he just shouldn’t be there.  Someone is likely going through a lot of effort to make this a special weekend for you, and probably wouldn’t love the intrusion either.  If I were the friend, I would be embarassed at taking something special everyone was doing for you and making it all about me.

Also, I don’t think it is Bridezilla of you at all to think this is out of place. 

Post # 22
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Completely inappropriate and not at all Bridezilla to be concerned.  If you’re having a weekend away with the girls, it should be just that – a weekend away with the girls.  There are plenty of weekends and there is no need to horn in on this one. 

When my Fiance proposed, it was a wonderful weekend and I was thrilled to spend a bunch of time with him and then share the news with pretty much anyone who would listen. 🙂  If this guy interrupts your girly weekend to propose, it would be hard for it not to take the celebrating in a different direction.  To me, it’s not that the bachelorette party should be 100% focus on the bride, but a time for the bride to celebrate with her close girl friends prior to getting married.  A proposal is not conducive to that, even though it is about love and getting married.

Post # 23
Member
17 posts
Newbee

I find it incredibly inappropriate. Tell him this is supposed to be a weekend all about being single, care free women and maybe he can set up something really sweet at home when she gets back. 

Post # 25
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

beachbride – that sounds a bit overwhelming.  Not sure how close your wedding is, but the guy is asking an awful lot of you.  You are getting together with your friends for a girls weekend and are then supposed to be in cahoots with this guy to keep his secret, coordinate the filming and the photography?  Madness.

Would it be possible to reach out to this guy and say that while it’s sweet that he wants to surprise your friend in their old hometown and that you’re *really* excited for him, it is a bit too much for you right now.  He may be miffed now, but when they are in the throes of wedding planning, I’m sure he’ll understand! 

Post # 26
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2021

He’s doing it at the end of the weekend? In the city that they met and went to school in? As a surprise? What an ass. 

 

I am obviously kidding. I really think that this is a non-issue. He’s trying to do something sweet for his girlfriend who is YOUR FRIEND. Your wedding, your bachelorette party, your showers are just one day…friendships are lifelong and you need to remember that. Be happy for your friend. It’s a GOOD thing that she’s getting engaged. Plus, if you tell him no and then he tells her, it could cause a problem and why do that? I’m sorry your Bridesmaid or Best Man backed out of your bachelorette weekend, but this Bridesmaid or Best Man is going and you should be grateful and let her have her moment at the end of the weekend. 

Post # 27
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

I sure hope she says yes to his proposal, if he’s doing it w/ her friends around.  🙂

Post # 28
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2008

i dont think I would describe having to film a proposal and stage a few pictures "madness"…..if you think about it, its really not that much effort.   I mean look at what all your bridesmade are doing for you (well except the one that cancelled and cost you money).   It’ll be fun if you have the right attitude, and you should be well destressed after a fun holiday weekend away.   I’ve been planning my wedding alone while working full time and it hasn’t been stressful, just fun!  (At least so far)   I saw just go with the flow, and I agree with what KateMW said.

Post # 29
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

If it’s happening in the middle of the afternoon while you’re, say, sitting on a deck having lunch (rather than smack in the middle of all the bachelorette debauchery), I think it’s OK to let him do it. KateMW makes a good point that not saying OK could ultimately cause problems between you and your Bridesmaid or Best Man… which is a terribly crappy situation to put you in, but it is what it is.

I also agree that having to film (if you’re using a click and shoot) and tell your other friends where to sit/stand is not that big a deal – it won’t take a lot of planning, and honestly any and all pictures/video they get will be meaningful.

There’s been too much drama in your wedding party already (NOT caused by you) that maybe it’s best to just be the bigger person and let this happen. You’ll have had a great weekend already, hopefully, and this will make everyone leave in a good mood… again, hopefully! 🙂 Good luck and have a great time – make sure they let you sleep in the bed!

Post # 30
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • V
  • 13 years ago

i would have said no.

Post # 31
Member
8 posts
Newbee

I cancelled my bach party and am not having one.  I go out with my friends when I want and I’m not wearing a penis anything, nor the stripper thing so how is it different than any other get together? It’s not.  And we already had an engagement party and a shower.  Enough already, you know?

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