(Closed) Is this tacky???

posted 7 years ago in Los Angeles
Post # 3
Member
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would be put off is someone asked me to the ceremony only or ask me to come after dinner.  IMO, you should either try to trim your guest count or find something that will accommodate your budget.

Post # 4
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Unfortunately, yes.  Although it is always acceptable to have a small, private ceremony and invite a larger number of guests to the reception, it is never acceptable to do the reverse and invite guests to the ceremony but not to the reception.  Your options would be to either scale back on your guest list or to have a less expensive type of reception.

Post # 5
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You can invite them to the ceremony only. Just explain that you have exceeded your seating for the reception. However, I think its tacky to tell them to show up after the dinner is served.

Post # 6
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Yes, and yes.  You cannot invite people to just the ceremony, or ask people to skip the dinner portion and come back.  You either invite them to everything, or you don’t invite them at all. I would revisit your guest list, or come up with a way to have a reception where you can feed everyone. Other people have managed to do so on a smaller budget, it just takes creativity and finding the right venue/caterer to work with your budget. 

 

 

 

Post # 7
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Unfortunately I agree with PP…I think you are better off trimming the guest list or changing what you serve so that all guests can be included. No one says you have to do dinner….you could do tapas and cocktails with more of a party feel, and lounge seating instead of sit down tables.

Post # 8
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I would say both optons are a big no. I would be offened if some one asked me to skip dinner and come back. You can find a way to have that many guest on that budget by changing some things around. 

Post # 9
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I suppose it depends.  When Prince William got married many more were invited to the ceremony only, and in many places the ceremony is open to all who wish to go.  As many as you can fit in the church or hall which might include the whole town!  That’s why your reception cards are often separate from the actual wedding invitation.  Traditionally, only special guests get to attend the reception.

So for me, it’s not tacky to invite people to join you at the church or hall should they wish to.  Now if the wedding and reception are both being held in the same place, then I would just invite the people who are welcome at both.  Asking people to skip the dinner isn’t appropriate at all.

Post # 11
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

No, don’t do it. Beyond etiquette issues, do you really want to deal with all the flack from people who are angry that they are on the “B” list? They will all be thinking “Oh, so they want me to come, give them a gift, but then don’t want to spend any money to feed me?” Then you will deal with the guilt trips about why So-and-so MUST be invited to the reception because Whatsername is invited.

Just keep your guest list to what you can accomodate. I know it is easier said than done, but it is not worth the stress to you, or the negative light that people would see you in.

Post # 12
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@BonbonBunny: This is hardly the same as the Royal Wedding. 

Do not allow your guests to dictate this.  Your guests are not going to pass up the option to go to the celebratory party portion of the evening, given the choice. 

Your caterer was being ridiculous by suggesting that people be allowed to come after dinner was over.  What do they care?  They don’t make any money off those guests, so for all they care, you could have your entire town come in and celebrate as long as the caterers aren’t responsible for feeding them.  Do not allow them to have an opinion or make suggestions on your wedding.  Are you having a bar?  They might even be hoping extra people = extra money in their pockets when all those people show up and drink.

Bottom line is, while I know from reading your other posts that you have lots of people you want to invite, you need to figure out a way to have your wedding without offending people.  Maybe you have a wedding on a Friday or a Sunday, when prices are cheaper.  Maybe you do brunch instead of dinner.  But you need to figure out how much per person it will cost you to feed people at your reception, multiply it by however much the caterer is going to charge you for service charge and tax (because this can add as much as 30% more to your costs) and that will determine how many people you can invite.  Maybe you only invite your family to the wedding, and then have a potluck party later with your church friends so that everyone has a chance to celebrate you. 

 

 

Post # 14
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@emarquisee: In wedding planning there will be a few bruised ego but if we all tried to invite everyone we know, it would be out of control. I would say do an A guest list and from there do a B guest list until you hit your 150. I dont think too many people would be happy about going to the ceremony and then being told they cant go to the celebration after.

 

Another thing I have seen done is a friend of mines had her ceremony for her family, church guest etc.. then had a cake and punch reception immediately after then a dinner for close friends and family later in the evening

 

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